Back after many months

[paloma]

After logging on I see I was here last in March.
It's been an amazing summer. In many ways, it was the best summer of my life. I saw so many sights, experienced so many things.
The problem is I drank way too much, gained tons of weight (something that I stress over as much as the drinking thing) and feel like S$%&* after all is said and done.
I need help with this, I obviously have a major problem. To top it, I really have nowhere to turn but here. I have tried to push away AA because I live in a small town, but I think I cannot deny my need for that support. I do a pretty damn good job of hiding my real addiction, but it's getting harder and harder. I am a true blue "functioning alcoholic," whatever the hell that means. I may go a few days, but I turn to drinking by myself eventually.
I feel like complete crap right now.
Thank God I remembered this site.
God bless those in recovery. I admire you.
Paloma

[splendra]

(((Paloma))))

Glad you made it back. To me it sounds like you are in recovery. Once you start seeking and find something like us here you are starting recovery. So I insist that you change your status to "in recovery" cause you are here seeking help and asking questions that is how recovery starts for most people. Be gentle with yourself ok.

[michski]

Splendra is right... you've already found recovery. You ARE here!
I had a problem with AA as well. I live in a very small town but didn't have a problem with people finding out because my disease had progressed to a point that EVERYONE knew. I was surprised to see a few people I knew well in my homegroup AA meeting. They couldn't have been more supportive! I had a problem with the higher power part of AA and the steps but after I was sober for a while I realized the huge reality that it was my higher power that got me interested in seeking recovery... I think yours is doing the same thing.

[Ready in NC]

you sound like me! i am good at convincing myself because i don't drink in the morning, haven't gotten a DWI , not divorced etc. that i really don't have a problem. I have been doing this for 10+ years now, having a binge i regret so bad the next morining that i think about quitting, about 1-4 times a month. I can't drink just one! I also have driven drunk 3 times lately , that scares the hell out of me!
The anxiety is a killer in the morning. It is no longer worth it to drink for me. I have committed to never drinking again . I got some good info. online from rational recovery about your addictive voice that i had never heard before. Check it out. AA is also a place for support but this web site is great too. Don't be mean to yourself. Tell some people in your life what you are doing. I am planning on telling my inlaws tonight. told my husband and mom and sister yesterday. I am scared but I am also feeling real hopeful.
The weight thing is a constant struggle in my life also. Drinking totally blows that . stick around here with me.