I wanted 2stop the insanity...

[2stop]

The day I came across this site I was physically, emotionally and mentally spent.......I was trying to figure out how to go and get a gun, being extremely agoraphobic I was very irritated that it would be so difficult to get out of the house and get a gun to blow my head off with, so I sat ancy, agitated, miserable, sweaty, scared outta my mind searching the internet for something, anything to give me the will to go on. I wanted to die because I thought I couldn't change my life around, because I felt like I was too weak, too scared, too messed up, too addicted, too insane to be on this planet. A part of me wanted to live but I had resigned myself to death, wasn't scared so much of dying, but of living. LIFE that is what I couldn't figure out! How do you live when every day you eat enough pills to sedate an entire zoo!? How do you live agoraphobic, sick and running out of pills? I felt like my very life was a catch-22, I was caught in a limbo, a swing between chaos and destruction and the downward pull of an emptiness that was more painful than any sting or jab or cut or injury I had ever known, no matter what I did (or didn't do) I was messed up!!!

So, I sat at the computer and typed in key words like addiction and rehab etc...somehow I came across SoberRecovery....and I managed to get registered, managed to post...just typing one word was so hard, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't sit still, I was so miserable, just insanity. I didn't really think anyone would reply to my post...but they did..and I will never forget the warmth, the caring, the understanding that I truly believed saved my life. I kept coming back, kept falling down, stopped using, started using, up and down I went, but through it all SR was here, SR is still here..and thanks to my HP guiding me to this site...I am still here too. Thank you isn't enough. But I have to keep saying it because the people I have met here fed my soul and saved my butt more times than I can tell. There is just a wonderful connection of hurting people here..........people helping people. That's what it's all about, we've been given a resource to use that can impact so many lives every single day....Thank you SR!!!! And all those who make it possible. You are real life angels.

[hawkgazer]

2stop, i'm so glad you're here!! thank you for sharing your SR story!! I remember that same feeling before I got sober, of not wanting to LIVE like that anymore, just not even knowing a way out of the insanity, cursing god every day for letting me live through the night. Thank you for bringing that back up front for me today, I really needed it! ((((((((((( ))))))))))))

[BigSis]

Originally Posted by 2stop

The day I came across this site I was physically, emotionally and mentally spent......

Tammie - that's it in a nutshell, I think. Thanks for posting this.