I was in denial...

[Adipsia]

Prior to today I last posted on this board in 2008, and those posting clearly show that I was at sea, in every respect.

More than anything else I believed that I had the strength to hold things together, just as things were breaking ever further apart. I believed that I could control the fallout from what was happening within my family. I thought that I could protect my beautiful step-daughters and turn-around the behaviours of my partner.

I was a clever-guy who could competently deal with super-smart professionals and their business problems, so overcoming the problems of an alcoholic partner would be easy for me. I knew that I could control things and make them better.

Boy... was I wrong !

Peter

[BillyPilgrim]

Welcome back Adipsia. I too thought I was cured and could drink normally, fortunately I came to my senses before I descended too far into the abyss. Keep with the site, go to AA, walk the walk.
I see you are only up the road too, welcome fellow lanky

Allan

[Adipsia]

Thanks fellow Lancastrian.

I think I may have mis-posted my reply in that I was the partner of an alcoholic rather than being an alcoholic myself. But the lines become very blurred between being the user and enabler.

Best wishes to you.

Peter

[Redmayne]

So, your point being that as someone, perfectly able to deal with matters affecting your personal and professional life, you felt more than capable with dealing with an alcoholic partner and assisting them in their recovery, hopefully leading to long term sobriety. Is that right?

Not thefirst person, for perfectly natural and understandble reasons who has done that.Some, who I've met have even pursued it to only see, their 'loved one' die!

So, if I've got you correctly, it's perfectly possible for those families, friends,employers of addicts to become 'enablers' believingthat they can lead their alcoholic to sobriety.

Obviously, you know, through expeience, as many members of Al-Anon will tell you, you can't. Any suggestion that you or any others placed in a similar position places you ,'in denial' for as much as many addicts are 'in denial' until they, and they alone, no one else, recognise and accept they have a problem.

Sadly, this often, in the case of an addict, whatever their addiction drugs, alcohol, sex or gambling until they have hit 'rock bottom' a situation peculiar to each one of them!

There are two points that applyto the addict and the enabler, certainly as regards alcohol,

1. the suggested 12 Step ,programme of recovery is a 'selfish programme', equally so the enabler must follow their own 'programme' and no matter how hard it is, 'detach', for otherwise all they do is create misery, for themselves and the alcoholic.

2. As it says in ,'The Big Book', 'remember, we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling and powerful' and that applies to all who surround it...without prejudice...

[Adipsia]

Originally Posted by Redmayne

So, your point being that as someone, perfectly able to deal with matters affecting your personal and professional life, you felt more than capable with dealing with an alcoholic partner and assisting them in their recovery, hopefully leading to long term sobriety. Is that right?

Pretty much. The operative word here being "felt", as in past tense.

Originally Posted by Redmayne

thefirst person, for perfectly natural and understandble reasons who has done that.Some, who I've met have even pursued it to only see, their 'loved one' die!

So, if I've got you correctly, it's perfectly possible for those families, friends,employers of addicts to become 'enablers' believingthat they can lead their alcoholic to sobriety.

Obviously, you know, through expeience, as many members of Al-Anon will tell you, you can't. Any suggestion that you or any others placed in a similar position places you ,'in denial' for as much as many addicts are 'in denial' until they, and they alone, no one else, recognise and accept they have a problem.

You're right of course, and the truth of the matter is that anyone in what they believe to be a loving or caring relationship with an alcoholic, or any addict for that matter cannot help but be drawn unwittingly into the spider's-web of an enabling situation.

I'm no longer with my partner, and our family (including her children whom I initially sought to protect) broke apart. I still see and support her children, who now live with their grandmother, but after three "attempts" at long-term rehab, she is now living with another alcoholic.

It's all very sad on one level, but you know, we all get what we want from life... :-)

Best wishes,

Peter