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|01-26-2012, 09:39 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
A learning curve...
This may, ay least initially, to sound like I'm stating the obvious, but in sobriety I've found a whole new ,'learning curve', that not only emphasises that found in my eventual recovery, and the path that took me to it in my drinking days, but has broadened my understanding of addictive behaviour, in other areas. Fortunately not affecting me, but sadly, and very obviously in two others I've met recently, that does not have the immediate debilitating effects of alcohol and drugs, but nevertheless has the same subtle, self destructive process and common traits, including denial, 'self will' and delusional behaviour.
I'm talking about sex addiction! If someone had mentioned this when I was drinking, I would have thought they were crazy, not least as sex, albeit a normal healthy activity, provided it is carried out safely, between consenting adults, was the last thing on my mind, and anyway, how could someone possibly become addicted to sex, yes sure, it gets a mention in,'The Big Book', but there's no mention of addiction!
But in the past few months, the two people I've met have displayed the same common traits well known to alcoholics, fear, guilt, self loathing, low self esteem and though I've seen no evidence of it yet, depression is tagging along somewhere...
Their behaviour is delusional, they both work in the sex industry and have done so for many years, to such an extent that, they see sex as their whole lives so that they're unable to form a meaningful relationship with another human being. Sex, instead of being part of a relationship, is the relationship. Like alcohol takes over your life, no such thing as one drink, right?
Add to this, total denial, everything has a ,'spin' put on it, like an alcoholic who, despite the fact that their world around them is falling apart, doesn't think they've got a problem, like I did and I'm sure every recovering alcoholic who reads this thread will agree with. 'Promiscuous sex is good, it's great, what's the harm??? etc., etc.'
The amazing thing, to me, is the marked similarity to alcoholism and the way it 'sneaks' up on you,'cunning, baffling, powerful', so that one day, although you've convinced yourself for years, you can stop anytime you want, you can't! Same thing here, both 'drifted' into the sex industry years ago, it was fun, earn some money, etc. and now they're stuck on the same repititious, life destroying cycle, with no way out, no real work experience, nothing to put on the cv, years of unpaid tax and National Insurance contributions, important in the UK as it goes towards your State Pension in old age, and as they're both getting older the 'phone doesn't ring as often....
Please don't think I'm taking a stance with the moral majority,although I salute them, for if anything as an alcoholic of 30 years and who has been in recovery nearly four years, it was the self discovery of these traits, common I'd suggest to all addictions, whether it be drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, that in humility and gratitude motivated me to write this thread, simply because I see other areas, not just in alcohlism were others are suffering, in the same manner and for the same reason I and countless others have done!
I'm obviously, not a health professional but as I understand it both sex and gambling are caused by some form of bio-chemical imbalance in the brain???
I am no expert on their treatment either, but I'm willing to bet,because of my own,'spiritual experience' on the night of the 14/15th Feb., 2008, when my alcoholism was removed from me, that practice of and adherence to the suggested 12 Step Programme of recovery, would certainly assist in both these cases.
Of course, as heartbreaking as it is, I'm only to well aware that every addict has to reach their own,'rockbottom' and the timing of that is down to each individual addict.
Recognition and acceptance are the basis of the first 2 steps in recovery, and that is completely out of my hands. The most I can do is mention them in my daily prayer and meditation.
It's no easy task, this sobriety business, I've always believed that my disease/illness is called alcohol-ISM, the alcohol being but a symptom, the -ISM's being the life in sobriety that follows in recovery. Which is a steep, and very broad, all inclusive learning curve when you realise , as I have done in recognising the broad scope of addictions and addictive behaviour, that this also includes the strength and power of the god of my understanding, and the humility that brings me...
Only you can make your mind beautiful. The Dalai Lama, 'Becoming Enlightened'
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