This..

[N2breathe]

place reminds me so much of what I have been going through the last twenty years of my life. I honestly see myself in some of these people. I finally quite for about three years ago with some lapses here and there but over all I have been doing quite well. I go to work and then to church twice a week and some may say that I am weak but I would rather be weak than feeling lower than a dog at times with a hang over. Plus, everybody hating you including your own family. There are things that I would say and do that some people can not get over and some of the stuff I could not remember even doing. Then the depression was so overwhelming at times I would feel like doing something stupid. I had a family member do that..suicide so I did not want to take that road out. I remember what it did to me and how it made me feel. I would like to come and stay here because I had a relapse during this halloween and I felt so guilty about it that it brought me to a realization that I cannot do this alone.