What I don't miss. . . . . . .
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
traits, common to all addicts...
What I don't miss, setting aside those physical and mental symptoms, we all know so well and are well documented in the various posts here, are those traits, common to all addicts no matter if it's alcohol, drugs, sex or gambling, that I once held in me, and are so readily apparent in others, suffering addictions.
Fear, guilt, self loathing, low self esteem, leading to depression, no matter how hard I tried to conceal them, in denial. I can spot 'em a mile away in others now, of course whether I or anyone else can do anything to make them disappear depends, as it did to me, and countless others, in recovery , in recognition and acceptance of the addiction by the sufferer.
Given that I pursued my ,'hobby' for thirty years, it doesn't pay for me to sit in judgement on others, but I'm glad they're not there anymore.
Fear, guilt, self loathing, low self esteem, leading to depression, no matter how hard I tried to conceal them, in denial. I can spot 'em a mile away in others now, of course whether I or anyone else can do anything to make them disappear depends, as it did to me, and countless others, in recovery , in recognition and acceptance of the addiction by the sufferer.
Given that I pursued my ,'hobby' for thirty years, it doesn't pay for me to sit in judgement on others, but I'm glad they're not there anymore.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Lancashire, England
Posts: 12
I don't miss...
lying to friends and family
lying to my friends to borrow money for 'food/electric etc'
sleeping with random people and feeling absolutely horrendous afterwards
the dangerous situations I got myself into
my health failing. My diabetes was horrendous and I have recieved a warning about my eyes, which thankfully if I continue to be clean they will get better.
people being angry at me/humilliating myself
having to borrow money from loan sharks and getting in more and more debt
not visiting my family and friends
the loss of dignity, going to the same dealer everyday and him knowing what I wanted before I opened my mouth
the sense of agony when running out of drugs and cash
having to pawn my stuff to get cash
feeling ill all the time
having a persistant harsh cough
looking like absolute crap
doing weird/disgusting/obsessive stuff when on uppers
seeing scary stuff out of the corner of my eye when crashing off uppers
being an emotional mess
lying to friends and family
lying to my friends to borrow money for 'food/electric etc'
sleeping with random people and feeling absolutely horrendous afterwards
the dangerous situations I got myself into
my health failing. My diabetes was horrendous and I have recieved a warning about my eyes, which thankfully if I continue to be clean they will get better.
people being angry at me/humilliating myself
having to borrow money from loan sharks and getting in more and more debt
not visiting my family and friends
the loss of dignity, going to the same dealer everyday and him knowing what I wanted before I opened my mouth
the sense of agony when running out of drugs and cash
having to pawn my stuff to get cash
feeling ill all the time
having a persistant harsh cough
looking like absolute crap
doing weird/disgusting/obsessive stuff when on uppers
seeing scary stuff out of the corner of my eye when crashing off uppers
being an emotional mess
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
I don't miss....
I don't misss the knowing looks and barbed comments from my neighbours who share the bins in he communal waste disposal area which used to be full of my empty cans of a well known and quite distinctive colour of extrra strong lager, of a well known, openly identified with,'alkies' in the UK. Any empty bottles or cans are all theirs, quite a turnaround.....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Where my Dog is
Posts: 149
I don't miss the feelings of shame and guilt.
I don't miss embarrassing my boyfriend or disrespecting him while drunk.
I don't miss waking up the next day to 10 missed calls from my boyfriend because he was insecure knowing I was drunk with other men.
I don't miss not knowing if I conceived a child the night before.
I don't miss the vomiting, dizziness, and exhaustion from hangovers.
I don't miss trying to hide from my feelings.
I don't miss cleaning up my throw up or any other human waste from the floor, couch, blankets etc.
I don't miss the loss of self esteem, self respect and self control.
I don't miss people thinking badly about me.
I don't miss embarrassing my boyfriend or disrespecting him while drunk.
I don't miss waking up the next day to 10 missed calls from my boyfriend because he was insecure knowing I was drunk with other men.
I don't miss not knowing if I conceived a child the night before.
I don't miss the vomiting, dizziness, and exhaustion from hangovers.
I don't miss trying to hide from my feelings.
I don't miss cleaning up my throw up or any other human waste from the floor, couch, blankets etc.
I don't miss the loss of self esteem, self respect and self control.
I don't miss people thinking badly about me.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,867
What I don't miss...
...is living a life that was way out of control - a sick existance.
Addiction treatment maintenance puts me back in control of where I want to be emotionally and cognitively.
Addiction treatment maintenance puts me back in control of where I want to be emotionally and cognitively.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by 43395 
The Sobrety Calendar tells me that, 616 days have now passed since I my sober recovery commenced, something, in my case I never expected to happen so I got to thinking about a couple of the things I don't miss,
I don't miss staring at that pool of clear, blue water seconds before the first bout of reverse parasolsis hits and I vomit into the toilet bowl!
I don't miss the fact that now when my lips move it is more than likely I am actually telling the truth.
I don't miss the fear that arose when I'm driving my car every time a police car hoves into view.
What I like is enlarging my spiritual existence, particularly when I sit still in the morning with my first cup of tea, smoke a cigarette and know where I slept last night, even if it is now on my own because now I'm learning to like me and if I like me, other people will like me to.Michael.
I don't miss staring at that pool of clear, blue water seconds before the first bout of reverse parasolsis hits and I vomit into the toilet bowl!
I don't miss the fact that now when my lips move it is more than likely I am actually telling the truth.
I don't miss the fear that arose when I'm driving my car every time a police car hoves into view.
What I like is enlarging my spiritual existence, particularly when I sit still in the morning with my first cup of tea, smoke a cigarette and know where I slept last night, even if it is now on my own because now I'm learning to like me and if I like me, other people will like me to.Michael.
Learning
Join Date: May 2012
Location: baltimore, md
Posts: 8
I've been so inspired by your post. My boyfriend is an alcoholic and I came here for hope. I've been finding it everywhere, but I'm glad to know that you don't miss those things. I pray and hope that he can find help and realize that he doesn't miss them either!!
Congratulations :ghug3
Congratulations :ghug3
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
I miss, 'what I don't miss'...
I miss, 'what I don't miss' so a little humility when those moments arise goes a long, long way..it's ok to look back, it's not to stare...keeps me on my toes...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Wellington
Posts: 8
What I dont miss on day 6....
The panic of the supermarket closing at 9pm...the falling off a cliff head first and 3 stories high....drunk texting,phone calling and face booking.
Sleeping with men I never would have had I been sober....having seizures outside a petrol station...hiding the wine bottles...pretending I am going out for dinner when I have brought wine from the local corner shop..lying...oh my the lying.
Seeing my partner in pain from my addiction..driving while drunk even though I dont know how to drive nor hold a license..the shame...the injuries,the suicide attempts...being locked up in a suicide cell at the Police Station and stripped search...the fake illnesses I told people I had when questioned why I looked like crap when I was hung over....eating hot chips in bed for breakfast....gaining so much weight after spending 20,000 on a gastric bypass...only wanting to be friends with people that drank and when they questioned my drinking I would ditch them...my children being in emotional pain seeing their suzy homemaker mum turn into booze hag betty.
How much it has aged me...not giving a toss about whether we have milk or not so long as I have my mine.
Being manipulating to get more alcohol...sitting in the Hospital car park drinking as my Daughter inlaw was giving birth to my Grandson (yup am a young Granny)..the tension in our house when my partner said he had no more money to buy my wine...the yelling at him and the nasty **** that would come out of my mouth because I knew he was lying to try and help me...the sulking.
The panic of the supermarket closing at 9pm...the falling off a cliff head first and 3 stories high....drunk texting,phone calling and face booking.
Sleeping with men I never would have had I been sober....having seizures outside a petrol station...hiding the wine bottles...pretending I am going out for dinner when I have brought wine from the local corner shop..lying...oh my the lying.
Seeing my partner in pain from my addiction..driving while drunk even though I dont know how to drive nor hold a license..the shame...the injuries,the suicide attempts...being locked up in a suicide cell at the Police Station and stripped search...the fake illnesses I told people I had when questioned why I looked like crap when I was hung over....eating hot chips in bed for breakfast....gaining so much weight after spending 20,000 on a gastric bypass...only wanting to be friends with people that drank and when they questioned my drinking I would ditch them...my children being in emotional pain seeing their suzy homemaker mum turn into booze hag betty.
How much it has aged me...not giving a toss about whether we have milk or not so long as I have my mine.
Being manipulating to get more alcohol...sitting in the Hospital car park drinking as my Daughter inlaw was giving birth to my Grandson (yup am a young Granny)..the tension in our house when my partner said he had no more money to buy my wine...the yelling at him and the nasty **** that would come out of my mouth because I knew he was lying to try and help me...the sulking.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: the shire
Posts: 379
what i dont miss...when my xabf is high
- is seeing him pace around his 1 bedroom apartment for 2 days non-stop
- is not playing our favorite sports while i wait for his comedown
- is receiving text messages from him saying he is going to the rabbit hole
- is sending him text messages that i dont want to be in the panic room (when he is getting high)
- is seeing his sad eyes knowing that something is amiss
but i still miss him, his sober him. i already LET GO, and LET GOD.
- is seeing him pace around his 1 bedroom apartment for 2 days non-stop
- is not playing our favorite sports while i wait for his comedown
- is receiving text messages from him saying he is going to the rabbit hole
- is sending him text messages that i dont want to be in the panic room (when he is getting high)
- is seeing his sad eyes knowing that something is amiss
but i still miss him, his sober him. i already LET GO, and LET GOD.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: MO
Posts: 101
This is my first post here.
I don't miss:
-Lying to my children about having to work late, help a friend, etc. just so I could drink
-The dread of not wanting to look in my wallet because I truly do not want to know how much I spent
-having to get someone out of my bed before anyone in town saw someone coming out of my house.
-The lost, sick feeling in the morning knowing if I don't quit, I'm going to die
-Lying to my ex-husband to get money
-Stealing money from my ex-husband because I spent too much on alcohol
-Losing amazing jobs because of my drinking
-Choosing alcohol over everyone.
-The guilt and shame.
-The morning after ritual: cold water on face, cleanser, eye gel, brush extra to get rid of taste/smell, clean house, make big dinner for kids in effort to pretend everything is normal
-My daughters constant faith in me even though I know I don't deserve it
-Accepting dates based on how likely it was they would get me drunk
-Bills being late
-The weight gain after I worked so hard to lose 70 lbs
-The tired, puffy face.
-The sense of failure when I realized I can't control this on my own
No matter how much I achieve or how highly people would think of me, it was always overshadowed by the fact that I was an alcoholic. And I was a fake. And scared. So scared. I quit before. 42 days. I looked, felt amazing. I glowed. Then someone hurt me and I drank. And I keep drinking. And I have to quit. I'm running out of chances.
I don't miss:
-Lying to my children about having to work late, help a friend, etc. just so I could drink
-The dread of not wanting to look in my wallet because I truly do not want to know how much I spent
-having to get someone out of my bed before anyone in town saw someone coming out of my house.
-The lost, sick feeling in the morning knowing if I don't quit, I'm going to die
-Lying to my ex-husband to get money
-Stealing money from my ex-husband because I spent too much on alcohol
-Losing amazing jobs because of my drinking
-Choosing alcohol over everyone.
-The guilt and shame.
-The morning after ritual: cold water on face, cleanser, eye gel, brush extra to get rid of taste/smell, clean house, make big dinner for kids in effort to pretend everything is normal
-My daughters constant faith in me even though I know I don't deserve it
-Accepting dates based on how likely it was they would get me drunk
-Bills being late
-The weight gain after I worked so hard to lose 70 lbs
-The tired, puffy face.
-The sense of failure when I realized I can't control this on my own
No matter how much I achieve or how highly people would think of me, it was always overshadowed by the fact that I was an alcoholic. And I was a fake. And scared. So scared. I quit before. 42 days. I looked, felt amazing. I glowed. Then someone hurt me and I drank. And I keep drinking. And I have to quit. I'm running out of chances.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
I don't miss:
That panicked feeling immediately after waking up, thinking, what happened?!!
The self-loathing feeling I had when hearing the words "you were so drunk last night" or "do you know how drunk you were last night?"
Tiptoeing around others / gently probing to figure out if I did anything I needed to apologize for or should be embarrassed of
The embarrassment of all the things I did that I'd NEVER do sober - drive drunk, fool around with and sleep with men I'd just met, unsafe sex, doing other drugs, passing out in random places (the loo, the stairwell in my apartment building)
Calling into work sick, hating myself all day long while sleeping off a hangover, then doing it again as if it were the first time.
Feeling so ashamed about the lies I'd tell - to my boss, to my family. Telling my employer that a relative died so I could get a few days off after a really bad drunk- they had flowers sent to me
Telling family I was sick and not showing up or showing up late to family events and pretending like all was well. Getting cut off at a friend's wedding in front of a bunch of friends from high school. Fights with my significant other. Cheating on my significant other.
That panicked feeling immediately after waking up, thinking, what happened?!!
The self-loathing feeling I had when hearing the words "you were so drunk last night" or "do you know how drunk you were last night?"
Tiptoeing around others / gently probing to figure out if I did anything I needed to apologize for or should be embarrassed of
The embarrassment of all the things I did that I'd NEVER do sober - drive drunk, fool around with and sleep with men I'd just met, unsafe sex, doing other drugs, passing out in random places (the loo, the stairwell in my apartment building)
Calling into work sick, hating myself all day long while sleeping off a hangover, then doing it again as if it were the first time.
Feeling so ashamed about the lies I'd tell - to my boss, to my family. Telling my employer that a relative died so I could get a few days off after a really bad drunk- they had flowers sent to me
Telling family I was sick and not showing up or showing up late to family events and pretending like all was well. Getting cut off at a friend's wedding in front of a bunch of friends from high school. Fights with my significant other. Cheating on my significant other.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: cuyahoga falls, ohio
Posts: 5
Thank you so much! I know my WORST day I have being sober, is so much better than my Best day drunk! When I see someone hurting and in their addiction, it helps me to remember, I have been just like that and can be if I ever choose to pick up another drink again. I know I won't be able to stop. I have had all the consequenses of my addiction except death! I know I felt like it so many times and even wished it.
I don't miss those moments when the next day someone would approach me with that wonderful question we all dread! "Those , remember what you did yesterday, and they start to fill in the blanks for you? I don't miss feeling I'm 1 inch tall and replying" Thats ok! I don't want to know what I can't remember because of a blackout and knowing how ridiculus I behaved...I don't miss the alcohol poisining, the withdrawls, looking like I'm from ethiopia because I chose a liquid diet and pain pills to get me through. I don't miss going to work drinking before, during and after, just to get through and hoping knowone smelled it on me. Hoping the perfume, gum and mints hid the smell of my bottle I consumed constantly. I can honestly say, I NEVER had a good time..Maybe a moment hear or there but when my drinking became my FULL-TIME job, it consumed my every waking moment..Yes, good times! I don't miss any of them.
Thank you all!
Just like they say in AA....Don't regret the past or shut the door on it. A good friend told me that, if you live in the past and worry about tomorrow, which hasn't come yet, you are messing up your present..Your present is just that.."A present" a gift.
Thank you AA for teaching me a better way to live...
I don't miss those moments when the next day someone would approach me with that wonderful question we all dread! "Those , remember what you did yesterday, and they start to fill in the blanks for you? I don't miss feeling I'm 1 inch tall and replying" Thats ok! I don't want to know what I can't remember because of a blackout and knowing how ridiculus I behaved...I don't miss the alcohol poisining, the withdrawls, looking like I'm from ethiopia because I chose a liquid diet and pain pills to get me through. I don't miss going to work drinking before, during and after, just to get through and hoping knowone smelled it on me. Hoping the perfume, gum and mints hid the smell of my bottle I consumed constantly. I can honestly say, I NEVER had a good time..Maybe a moment hear or there but when my drinking became my FULL-TIME job, it consumed my every waking moment..Yes, good times! I don't miss any of them.
Thank you all!
Just like they say in AA....Don't regret the past or shut the door on it. A good friend told me that, if you live in the past and worry about tomorrow, which hasn't come yet, you are messing up your present..Your present is just that.."A present" a gift.
Thank you AA for teaching me a better way to live...
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