How I got here--the loss of a child

[recovering1]

Hi all. I just found this site in my bookmarks. I lost my son to alcohol, he took his life while in a blackout. He was also bi-polar. He was 23 yrs old. At the time he died I was to have 4yrs that November of last year. My son passed in March of 08. I did drink 2 months after he died. I am not proud of that, I believed I'd stay sober, ODAAT, and they added up quickly. Anyways, after he died, I found myself having what I call sober blackouts. I'd come to in various rooms of the house, one time standing over the stove w/all 4 burners going and nothing cooking. I lost all my passwords to most of my old recovery sites and to this day I cannot recall my yahoo original account. Tonight, alone, I looked at my bookmarks and here is this site. My son's death brought home the full magnitude of how this disease does kill, it killed my baby. I am not the same person, nor shall I ever be. I went on another site last night, and got blasted by another chatter on a public msg board, for posting anonymously. I didn't post to harm anyone, I posted to say thank you. For that I got a horrible type lashing (hmm kinda like a tongue lashing i spose, lol) simply because I choose to keep my anonymity (sp) so, here I am. I look forward to hearing from others and reading a lot of postings. Glad I found ya's..thank you for allowing me in. GBU

[tallcactus]

and welcome
Really sorry 2 hear about your son.
My son will B, 25 this Sept.22...don't know what I would do without him.
I feel your pain. Read and post more please.

[Believe808]

(((Recovering))) I don't know the pain you must be in and I won't pretend to know. My heart does ache for you because I can't imagine what I would do without my children. One thing I hope is that I would survive and stay sober. This disease is awful, I lost my mom to it 40 years ago when I was 15 years old, so that pain I can sympathize with.

I'm so glad you are here and I believe God had his hands in your finding SR again.

Feel free to PM me. I think you might need a certain amount of posts before you can send a Private Message, so keep posting away.

[Daph]

Originally Posted by recovering1

Hi all. I just found this site in my bookmarks. I lost my son to alcohol, he took his life while in a blackout. He was also bi-polar. He was 23 yrs old. At the time he died I was to have 4yrs that November of last year. My son passed in March of 08. I did drink 2 months after he died. I am not proud of that, I believed I'd stay sober, ODAAT, and they added up quickly. Anyways, after he died, I found myself having what I call sober blackouts. I'd come to in various rooms of the house, one time standing over the stove w/all 4 burners going and nothing cooking. I lost all my passwords to most of my old recovery sites and to this day I cannot recall my yahoo original account. Tonight, alone, I looked at my bookmarks and here is this site. My son's death brought home the full magnitude of how this disease does kill, it killed my baby. I am not the same person, nor shall I ever be. I went on another site last night, and got blasted by another chatter on a public msg board, for posting anonymously. I didn't post to harm anyone, I posted to say thank you. For that I got a horrible type lashing (hmm kinda like a tongue lashing i spose, lol) simply because I choose to keep my anonymity (sp) so, here I am. I look forward to hearing from others and reading a lot of postings. Glad I found ya's..thank you for allowing me in. GBU

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your child

My daughter is almost 20. I know she has the disease. I see her as I was so many years ago and I think about the pain, humiliation and the loss I've endured in my life and what she's up against. She's going to college right now and is in an alcohol and substance abuse program. It's what she wants to do but I don't think she's fully grasped the meaning of the disease of addiction nor recovery, and I've been a sorry example of the latter.

[Lisa7]

I don't know what would I do without my son. He's the reason I'm sober today. He told me to get a grip on myself and to see that you lost your son to this drinking "curse"...makes me feel horrible!! Hope you are doing fine now and Good luck in your life ahead