i knew i had i a problem, and need to take action

[emmanuel2012]

I couldn't stop using meth. It was causing some serious and almost fatal complications. Somehow I got linked to these forums which were being developed at the time, a few relly cool folks from california as I recall. Dan did an amzing job configuring vBulletin software for the vision of his domain here. As an IT developer/web designer myself with my own domains, I vaguely recall a transition as this site was first introduced and playing a minor role (really, I dint do much, maybe a web banner or two), the point is I felt very welcome here, and stuck around to contribute.

I don't think I helped. Anyone really, except to remind them how cunning and baffling this spiritual malady really is. You see, I had my own ideas about how I was to recover, annd what recovery was. They weren't "follow the path of acoholics anonymous"..
I had my own preconceptions. I was self-obsessed. I wanted people to folllow MY method of recovery, obviously for ego-inflation purposes. Needlesss to say, self-propulsion failed.

I did manage to retain some sobriety, until I convinced my sponsor that perhaps I wasn'nt an alcohlic and I should try some controlled drinking. My aa life in the physical world was much the same as my life on the web. It was all about ME.
But, .. As the big book preludes in "how it works" (chapter 5, all editions): "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path..."

...to be continued...

[emmanuel2012]

Continued:..
Folowing someone eles path is difficult.
I can't do it unless I know that I can also
Be comforted along th way with the pride of being able to lead on this path too.
I am starting to use these forums in mind to really help people now. And I'm not looking for rewards for doing so....

Albert Camus in L'Etranger (the stranger) wrote something in french
That translates something like:

Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow correctly.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead you correctly.
Please walk next to me, so that we can walk together.


The only thing I am condemmed to this day is a life of helping others
And I most surely hope that this joyful condemnation is the collective curse on every blessed soul who finds a new way of life that is soo much better than what was ever before them! Thy will be done