giving up

[lazylavendar]

I've been a member of this site for almost an hour now. Ha. Well anyways I quit using in May of 2006. At that time I was using weed and coke (my DOC). Though I made a few mistakes and smoked weed a couple times since then, I hadn't done coke at all. Until today. My parents are out of town, my boyfriend of two years who was the one who helped me get sober is gone for a month, and my sister is always out getting trashed. I felt so alone and I missed it so much that I bought 3 grams. I only got to do like half a gram before my sister unexpectedly returned home (she was supposed to be spending the night at a friend's house) and she took my stuff and I think she flushed it. I was really mean to her. I know she's just concerned about me but at the same time I just think it's not fair because she drinks a lot and I think I should be able to be happy if she gets to be happy. I feel really crappy for making it this far then throwing it all away. I told my boyfriend and he's really upset but still there for me. I'm so lucky to have him. He's never done any drugs, he hasn't even had alcohol, ever in his life, but he is so understanding and helps me so much. I feel terrible for using again but I still want it. Anyway, I googled 'will i ever stop wanting cocaine' and this site popped up. So now I'm here. And here is my NEW sobreity date: July 15, 2007. And that's the LAST ONE. I'm gonna be on here a LOT lol.

[Life Change]

welcome lazy all is not lost. you are at the right place.it was a blessing that your sister showed up when she did. i to have family and friends that drink and stuff and go out and 'have fun'. i have found that there are other ways to have fun that dont come wuth the cost of feeling sick,bad,upset,etc. in the morning. free from all that means alot to me and sence you have been clean befor i know you know that it truely does feel better.i believe that for me true 'happiness' comes from withen, not from something i put in my system, be it drugs, or relying on people & things. hope you keep coming back and sharing!

[kelliegirl]

Please don't discount what your sister did today just because it makes her look like a hypocrite. She will have to make the decision to help herself but I think it was a blessing that she did come back when she did. Stay strong and congratulations on your new found determination.

[debs4321]

Hello and welcome.

I call it a GOD shot.

No matter what your sister is doing with her own life. You could be dead if she hadnt have showed up. You never know when the heart says enough is enough. Be thankful, I know it might be hard to understand that now. But in the end you will be.

Life offers us so many choices and I hope that you will make the right one. Coming here was a good decision. Sharing your story could and will help someone else out there who doesn't have a day clean.

Thank you
Deb

[Sav]

Try to remember that an oath that's been broken can still be kept.

And don't use your sister as a basis for what you do or don't do. If you start focusing on what eveyone else does that you can't, then you end up doing things that you know you shouldn't.

[Spiritual Seeker]

Welcome. I look forward to getting to know you and hearing your awesome tales of recovery. It works if you work it so let's hear you working it !!!! Glad you R here.