Hating life

[Lizrox]

Where were you when you found SoberRecovery.com? Emotionally? Spritually?? Physically??? What Happened Next? And How's it Going Today? Share your SR EXPERIENCE as part of SoberRecovery's 5th Birthday!

When I found Sober Recovery I was an emotional and physical wreck!!!! I hated myself and my life. I was hardly functioning, not eating and only sleeping when I Od'd on opiates. I hardly talked to my husband; we had no marriage.

Today, I have been clean since May 9th, 2007. I am beggining to appreciate all the blessings in my life. A wonderful husband, a beautiful baby girl, and a townhouse in Florida.

I have trouble with spirituality and believing in a god because I had a very hard life while growing up. I am working on becomming more spiritual. I have been close to death many times from overdosing on prescription drugs. I am beggining to believe there is a god.

liz

[Fluttering]

I had gone on a bender...mixing drugs and alcohol....went into a black out. When I came to I was in a hospital in Mexico with no inkling how I got there..I was in so much pain..I couldn't breath..they told me they cracked a couple of ribs while doing CPR on me and had to zap me back to life twice. I was p___d off, a raging lunatic and I was raging becasue I was alive. I was spiritually dead inside with no hope, feeling despair like no other, in a dark tunnel not knowing if I was going forward or backward or in circles. I was convinced that if I saw a light it would be a train...and I would head right for it and lay down on the tracks right in front of it. I hated me..I loathed me and the wreck I had made of my life and all lives my life touched. I felt Fugly...that is not a typo...that is F___ugly...inside and out.

That was in Sep of 1985......I choose to remain in recovery....NO MATTER what...when I came to in recovery. when the fog cleared and a fleeting moment of clarity hit me..I decided to continue on in recovery becasue I needed to and because I wanted to....When more moments of clarity came..I came to know a God of my own understanding..When I found God...I worked hard at finding out who I was...and I worked just as hard at finding peace.

Tho there have been some roughpatches of roads I wouldn't trade recovery for all the tea in China or for alll the money in the world.

When I get stuck..[as in the attached pic]...I just smile and wait...sooner or later the calvary does get here

[thrownasunder]

I have just found this place today when i finally realized I have got to get help. Lets see after inviting men off the internet to my home with the motive of getting more booze cause i had run out and sleeping with them all whilst my toddler was sleeping in her crib, on two seperate occasionsI realized I had to change, so I decided to swear off alcohol a couple times this month, not only have I failed miserably I am craving a drink at this very moment and if I do not get help I will probably drink tommarow to make the pain of my seemingly meaningless friendless existence dissapear for a while. I am socially handicapped and drinking eases the pain of having days filled with misery and despair. I hate my life and though I have so much to be greatful for some days are just painful....through and through and I need to make some serious changes. This is not even the worst of my story but its getting to the point where I cant stop and it consumes me no matter the consequence. I hope this place can help me.

[CarolD]

thrownasunder.....

I'll reply on your thread in our Alcoholism Forum.