Changing people,places and things - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

cobra40 · 07-11-2006, 07:45 AM

I'm new here and not sure if i am in the right thread but here it goes anyway.I have been clean and sober for 13 years and am sponsoring someone who has 90 days clean and sober.He refuses to change people,places and things and continues to hang around all his "old" friends and all the places he used to go before coming into recovery.I am close to telling him i cannot sponsor someone who refuses to change.Although i never give up on anyone,there has to come a time when i have to let someone go and find things out for themselves.I just needed to vent and maybe get a little feedback.

**Ann** · 07-11-2006, 10:29 AM

Cobra, welcome to SoberRecovery. There's nothing wrong with your choice of how and who to sponsor. Personally, I think it's important for a sponsor and sponsee to be able to work well together, learn from each other and grow. That's hard to do when someone struggles with your concepts.

I purposely chose a wonderful woman I call a "she-devil with a heart of gold" because she called me on my BS and yet had compassion like I had never seen before. She guided me through the steps, listened when I needed to talk, and assigned me written work to help me work my program.

She put up front what she would require from me which was more than fair since she was willing to give me a lot of her time and energy. Later, I did the same with my sponsees, agreed on what was important to both of us and went from there. Not every choice is a perfect match, some just don't work at all. It's nothing personal about either party, just how life is sometimes.

I'm glad you joined us. Please feel free to visit and post on any of the forums that you feel may help you in your recovery. There are a lot of wonderful people here that would love to meet you too.

Hugs,

Grasshopper · 07-11-2006, 07:58 PM

Hi and welcome!!!!
Everyone is different of course.I know that im not the results of anothers soberiety.To help others is the corner-stone to my soberiety.I help who i am able to.I never see folks as wasting my time.For helping others,helps keep me sober.If they dont follow the steps in order,like i advise,well,they are not my children.They like me,will get out of the program,what they put into it.

07-11-2006, 07:45 AM	#1 (permalink)
cobra40 Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Roanoke Rapids,NC Posts: 1	Changing people,places and things I'm new here and not sure if i am in the right thread but here it goes anyway.I have been clean and sober for 13 years and am sponsoring someone who has 90 days clean and sober.He refuses to change people,places and things and continues to hang around all his "old" friends and all the places he used to go before coming into recovery.I am close to telling him i cannot sponsor someone who refuses to change.Although i never give up on anyone,there has to come a time when i have to let someone go and find things out for themselves.I just needed to vent and maybe get a little feedback.

07-11-2006, 10:29 AM	#2 (permalink)
Ann Sharing Our Light Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: By The Lake Posts: 15,155	Cobra, welcome to SoberRecovery. There's nothing wrong with your choice of how and who to sponsor. Personally, I think it's important for a sponsor and sponsee to be able to work well together, learn from each other and grow. That's hard to do when someone struggles with your concepts. I purposely chose a wonderful woman I call a "she-devil with a heart of gold" because she called me on my BS and yet had compassion like I had never seen before. She guided me through the steps, listened when I needed to talk, and assigned me written work to help me work my program. She put up front what she would require from me which was more than fair since she was willing to give me a lot of her time and energy. Later, I did the same with my sponsees, agreed on what was important to both of us and went from there. Not every choice is a perfect match, some just don't work at all. It's nothing personal about either party, just how life is sometimes. I'm glad you joined us. Please feel free to visit and post on any of the forums that you feel may help you in your recovery. There are a lot of wonderful people here that would love to meet you too. Hugs, __________________ Somewhere between the gator swamp and the Taj Mahal there is a path, it may be hidden, overgrown or may blend in with the other surroundings, but it is there, it's your path and it is calling you.~Frankly~

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07-11-2006, 07:58 PM	#3 (permalink)
Grasshopper Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Green,green grass of home Posts: 602	Hi and welcome!!!! Everyone is different of course.I know that im not the results of anothers soberiety.To help others is the corner-stone to my soberiety.I help who i am able to.I never see folks as wasting my time.For helping others,helps keep me sober.If they dont follow the steps in order,like i advise,well,they are not my children.They like me,will get out of the program,what they put into it.

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