I have a question about recovery.

[Sigh]

I am not one to hold resentments or anger.
In fact sometimes I wonder why I don’t have anger issues.

I recently saw a post on resentments and it got me thinking about if I was actually holding any resentment and perhaps I am, yet I’m not sure.
I’ve been thinking about it a lot this week.

In one case, I know I’ve have had a problem with forgiveness, anger and perhaps resentment. It’s against my son’s x girl friend. Mentally, I forgive and understand why she did what she did and yes I actually do have compassion for her. Yet, recently I passed a young woman that looked very much as she does and my stomach went tight. It was just an unexpected emotional reaction (fear perhaps? Or anger? it felt like one or the other) This tense reaction made me question just how much I have forgiven her (not that she asked for my forgiveness ). It made me question if deep down I do hold resentment against her.

If someone causes us harm, hurts us emotionally is it possible to honestly let go of that, forgive them and still not wish to share the same space they are in? Or am I just not there yet?

Is it healthy to avoid those that hurt us and have the potential to hurt us (and/or hurt those we love) again or is it harboring resentment?

Trust me I honestly don’t wish this woman harm, I’ve had opportunity to strike at her and I did not act or react and I never will. I feel she’s hurt herself too much it would be like striking a wounded creature. I don’t want to add to that. I also never want to share the same space with her again.

Is it possible that a line has been crossed where there is no going back? (I believe she was the one that introduced my son to heroin) while I don’t blame her for what my son choose to do……perhaps I am not over that?

Is it possible I have more issues with her because I had no bond or relationship with her that was not involved within my own sons drug chaos?

Clearly I’ve confused myself.
The question is I think/ feel as if I have forgiven her. I don’t wish her harm and I don’t ever want to see her again, can this all be true feelings on my part or am I harboring…bad stuff?

Ouch I’ve made my own brain hurt. :sweat

sigh

[equus]

If someone causes us harm, hurts us emotionally is it possible to honestly let go of that, forgive them and still not wish to share the same space they are in?

I think - absolutely!! My life is precious and I want to spend time with people who enrich it - that doesn't mean wishing anything but the best for those I don't want to be around.

Is it healthy to avoid those that hurt us and have the potential to hurt us (and/or hurt those we love) again or is it harboring resentment?

I think it's very healthy!! You can even appreciate the lessons in patience they may have offered - however lessons need to end too!

Is it possible I have more issues with her because I had no bond or relationship with her that was not involved within my own sons drug chaos?

I'm coming to the conclusion that those closest to us are the best means of learning how much we should care for any fellow human being - but it is harder. At least I find it harder, it's something I like to think about though. I'm trying to learn to ask myself 'Would I want that said to those closest to me?' before I speak - stuff like that. Personally I'm a way off from where I want to be though.

All we can do is our best - our motives do matter and where they're good I think the rest comes in it's own time.

[Hopefloats]

Oh Sigh, I hear you on this one. I went through a host of emotions where my daughter's ex bf was concerned. Afterall, he was the one that got her the heroin. Sadly, he is some mother's son. Hec, I know now that my daughter got drugs for other people. SO she in fact did just what the bf did that I held such negative feelings towards. No, I won't be having this man over for dinner anytime soon, and that is because he is not someone I want in my life. I do believe I understand forgiveness, and with that I think we can have both. I think we can forgive and then make healthy choices about who we want actually "in" our lives. That works really well for me.

I think you are doing quite well Sigh Sometimes we see someone OR something, and old feelings are triggered. I think you have done enough work to process these feelings and maintain your place in a heart that is loving and forgiving.

I don't know if this helps at all...just some added thoughts..
Blessings..
Hopefloats

[nutz]

On spiritual principle nothing real can be threathen.
LOVE is real and fear is not.
Anger is a secondary emotion of fear.
I used to get anger confussed with fear too.
Mmm..experince or lessons comes to teach me. Now I can identify the
differents.lol
Fear of lossing something, someone.
For me it was....loosing my duagther to any man.

Resentment is being angery over and over again for the samething
for days ,weeks, or years. At some piont it becomes habitual or addictive.
Or brain starts buliding nearo network and our body starts producing
acid or chemicals. Like hope floats said, There's triggers.
Our subconciouse mind dosen't discrminate or make logic.
If there was a red painting in the room during truama, in childhood
or any truama. If that person sees a red painting years and years
later. The red painting triggers emotions.

As much as I might say I don't like to get angery becuase it's not
appropricate. But man o man..it's like a rush when you experience it.
But the I more observe or took notice, I was able to catch myself
better and better.
Just as football players getting pump up during a game.

As we start working on ourselve. We are AWAKEN , REAListic
We begin to see our flaws.
If we have love ourselves enough or is surrounded love.
We don't denial our flaws. We accept our flaws, cuz we also
relize how beautiful and magnificent we are. We stop judging
yourselve. We start loving ourselve, accept who we are.
have more patients and empaty towards ourselve. We forgive
ourselves. We respect ourselve.
So...we go through all this experience and learn that we are human.
And we know it aint easy being human from our experience and life
is beautiful. LIfe is full, it's full of wonders and experience.lol
Some to our liking and some...well, we run and run, we can't run from life.lol
So, we give the love,respect, empathy to others too, in their process
of trying to make sense of it too.
Once we do this within ourselves, it's almost automatic or grace
when we deal with others.

make sense ??? slogen
"you can't give away what you don't have"
be it love, money,forgivness, understanding, patient, respect, honor...etc

[splendra]

((((Sigh))))

My sponcer said to pray for people that I have these feelings for... I can avoid them toooooo....

[Gabe]

"Is it healthy to avoid those that hurt us and have the potential to hurt us (and/or hurt those we love) again or is it harboring resentment?"
That's called boundaries my friend.
There is no reason you have to share space with anyone who makes you uncomfortable for any reason.
I'm with Splen.
I pray for such people.
I pray that they can become healthy so that they do not provoke resentful feelings in me or in others.