Intrusion

[Ann]

You are reading from the book Touchstones.

The human animal needs a freedom seldom mentioned: freedom from intrusion. He needs a little privacy quite as much as he wants understanding or vitamins or exercise or praise.
--Phyllis McGinley

The boundaries between us in our families and our friendships often need to be reshaped in recovery. We need to know our feelings are private. We reveal them at our choosing, with whom we choose. We give up on mind reading or probing because it intrudes upon another's privacy. We actively engage in our relationships by sharing ourselves and listening to each other.

A secret that makes a relationship dishonest is destructive and ought to be told. But we cannot force another person to be honest, or pry the truth from a loved one. We can only be honest ourselves and guard our own right to privacy. Intimacy is the bridge, which is built between two separate people. Only when we let others have their privacy and we take ours can our relationships be more intimate.

I will maintain the boundaries of my privacy today and respect the right of others to do the same.

[Gabe]

A great reading for Codependents.
Enmeshment is a characteristic of codependency.
Enmeshment can be very intrusive.
"People are defined as being co-dependent if they are in a situation where they are psychologically mutally reliant on someone else to meet needs for them that they "should" be able to meet for themselves. What is enmeshment? We're enmeshed when we use an individual or individuals for our identity, sense of value, worth, well-being, safety, purpose, and security."
~From soulselfhelp.on.ca

[Ann]

The boundaries between us in our families and our friendships often need to be reshaped in recovery. We need to know our feelings are private. We reveal them at our choosing, with whom we choose. We give up on mind reading or probing because it intrudes upon another's privacy.

I hate it when people think they can read my mind and tell me what I think. Intrusive indeed. Also, if I am not ready to share something, I dislike that being thought of as keeping a secret and therefore not being honest. Bullhooey!! Some things are none of their business.

Recovery has given me back the courage to say "back off" "give me space". My thoughts are my own, I get to choose what I share and with whom. Recovery has given me the wisdom to know when I am withholding something I should share and when my thoughts belong to me.

It's good to read about this and know that I'm not the only one who finds it very "interfering" for people to think they can read my mind.

Hugs
Ann

[nutz]

That's funni if Peaple can really read my mind
They would know I be saying F#*k Off, in the first place.lmaf

[Ann]

Originally Posted by nutz

That's funni if Peaple can really read my mind
They would know I be saying F#*k Off, in the first place.lmaf

You and me both, Nutz.

[Grimnar]

Originally Posted by Gabe

We're enmeshed when we use an individual or individuals for our identity, sense of value, worth, well-being, safety, purpose, and security.

That really nails it for me.

I have used people and things for my sense of self-worth and value. But I didn't know that I was doing it at the time nor did I know it was unhealthy. I just learned it as a child and thought that is the way it was supposed to be. Sad I know. But at least I now have an awareness of it and that I need to change.