More on self-esteem. - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Dan · 01-13-2006, 04:14 AM

Although drinking behavior may have been defiant and antisocial, most of us wanted others to think well of us. If we are not watchful, this need for approval can tyrannize us in sobriety.

A fierce need for approval can drive us to do more than our share of talking at discussion meetings. On the other hand, the fear of disapproval may cause us to "pass" when we really do have something to say. Outside of the fellowship, a strong desire for others' approval can make us anxious and unsure of ourselves. In the same way, a strong fear of being rejected or criticized can make us afraid to act.

In sobriety, we can free ourselves from an unreasonable desire for approval. When we learn to like ourselves more, we do not need constant reassurance and applause from others. We may also discover that we have been doing certain things against our will simply because we wanted somebody's approval. This is our fault, not theirs, and we can get such practices out of our lives when we no longer need them.

I will accept myself as I am today. I will give others the approval that I desire for myself. I will not try to win approval by being a people-pleaser

From the book Walk in Dry Places.

Gabe · 01-13-2006, 04:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dan

We may also discover that we have been doing certain things against our will simply because we wanted somebody's approval. This is our fault, not theirs, and we can get such practices out of our lives when we no longer need them.

My codependent side just said "aha".

Grimnar · 01-13-2006, 02:45 PM

Quote:

When we learn to like ourselves more, we do not need constant reassurance and applause from others. We may also discover that we have been doing certain things against our will simply because we wanted somebody's approval. This is our fault, not theirs, and we can get such practices out of our lives when we no longer need them.

This one is HUGE for me.

I have done a lot of stuff in my life simply because I thought it was expected of me and people would like me better for doing it.

I am slowly changing that behavior. But dang it's quite a process.

01-13-2006, 04:14 AM	#1 (permalink)
Dan Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 8,710	More on self-esteem. Although drinking behavior may have been defiant and antisocial, most of us wanted others to think well of us. If we are not watchful, this need for approval can tyrannize us in sobriety. A fierce need for approval can drive us to do more than our share of talking at discussion meetings. On the other hand, the fear of disapproval may cause us to "pass" when we really do have something to say. Outside of the fellowship, a strong desire for others' approval can make us anxious and unsure of ourselves. In the same way, a strong fear of being rejected or criticized can make us afraid to act. In sobriety, we can free ourselves from an unreasonable desire for approval. When we learn to like ourselves more, we do not need constant reassurance and applause from others. We may also discover that we have been doing certain things against our will simply because we wanted somebody's approval. This is our fault, not theirs, and we can get such practices out of our lives when we no longer need them. I will accept myself as I am today. I will give others the approval that I desire for myself. I will not try to win approval by being a people-pleaser From the book Walk in Dry Places.

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