Did you know such and such...

[Dan]

Breaking free from faults.

Our character defects hang on tenaciously because we secretly enjoy or need them. Gossip is an example of this problem. Most of us know that gossip is mean and malicious, yet we enjoy the spurious self-satisfaction and self-importance it gives us.

However, this feeling of self-satisfaction and self-importance is fleeting. When we engage in GOSSIP, we feel guilty, uneasy, and ashamed. We also know the fear of being gossiped about when our own backs are turned, because those who gossip will betray their friends.

Our search for real growth in sobriety should include wiliness to part company with gossip. We also should not permit ourselves to gossip indirectly; that is, by pretending to "understand" another person to induce them to share personal information, or by introducing a subject with the intention of having gossip shared with us. We can also help ourselves by turning away from gossipy news stories and magazines. We cannot grow mentally and spiritually by reading about the misbehavior and shortcomings of others.

Knowing that my true good is in keeping straight, I will go through this one day without engaging in gossip.

From the book Walk in Dry Places.

[historyteach]

Ya know, when someone gossips *to* me about another, it is only a matter of time before they will be gossiping *about* me to someone else.
Here's a little bit about gossip from http://www.jewfaq.org/speech.htm

The Power of Speech

Judaism is intensely aware of the power of speech and of the harm that can be done through speech. The rabbis note that the universe itself was created through speech. Of the 43 sins enumerated in the Al Chet confession recited on Yom Kippur, 11 are sins committed through speech. The Talmud tells that the tongue is an instrument so dangerous that it must be kept hidden from view, behind two protective walls (the mouth and teeth) to prevent its misuse.

The harm done by speech is even worse than the harm done by stealing or by cheating someone financially, because amends can be made for monetary harms, but the harm done by speech can never be repaired. For this reason, some sources indicate that there is no forgiveness for lashon ha-ra (disparaging speech). A Chasidic tale illustrates this point: A man went about the community telling malicious lies about the rabbi. Later, he realized the wrong he had done, and began to feel remorse. He went to the rabbi and begged his forgiveness, saying he would do anything he could to make amends. The rabbi told the man, "Take a feather pillow, cut it open, and scatter the feathers to the winds." The man thought this was a strange request, but it was a simple enough task, and he did it gladly. When he returned to tell the rabbi that he had done it, the rabbi said, "Now, go and gather the feathers. Because you can no more make amends for the damage your words have done than you can recollect the feathers."

Speech has been compared to an arrow: once the words are released, like an arrow, they cannot be recalled, the harm they do cannot be stopped, and the harm they do cannot always be predicted, for words like arrows often go astray....

The person who listens to gossip is even worse than the person who tells it, because no harm could be done by gossip if no one listened to it. It has been said that lashon ha-ra (disparaging speech) kills three: the person who speaks it, the person who hears it, and the person about whom it is told....

One who tells disparaging things that are false is referred to as a motzi sheim ra, that is, one who spreads a bad report. This is considered the lowest of the low....

Here are some commonly-used examples of behavior that is forbidden...

You may not call a person by a derogatory nickname, or by any other embarrassing name, even if he is used to it.
You may not ask an uneducated person for an opinion on a scholarly matter (that would draw attention to his lack of knowledge or education).
You may not ask a merchant how much he would sell something for if you have no intention of buying.
You may not refer someone to another person for assistance when you know the other person cannot help (in other words, it's a violation of Jewish law to give someone the run-around!).
You may not deceive a person, even if no harm is done by the deception; for example, you may not sell non-kosher meat to a non-Jew telling him that it is kosher, even though no harm is done to the non-Jew by this deception.
You may not sell a person damaged goods without identifying the damage, even if the price you give is fair for the goods in their damaged condition.
You may not offer a person a gift or invite a person to dinner if you know that the person will not accept.
You may not compliment a person if you do not mean it.

It's more complicated than it appears. But, then again, aren't most ideas of worth?
(Emphasis above is mine)

Shalom!

[Hopefloats]

Dan, I love this little sign that my mom had hanging in her home, and that is now hanging in my home. It says. "Lord make my words as sweet as honey. For tomorrow I may have to eat them"

In my world, I live where forgiveness is always possible. I cannot imagine a world where we could not forgive someone for words or deeds. Imagine the shape we would all be in.

To sit here and present myself as a person that has never gossiped would be a lie. The honest part of my recovery causes me to take a look at all of my behaviors and work on them to continue healing. To me, that feels really freeing..

This was a good post
Thank you,
Hopefloats

[splendra]

Well I gossip, lie, have been known in moments of desparation to cheat someone, stolen, I am very prideful, and also can be self pitying. I sometimes try not to. I do still lie and probably will gossip. these two things I don't know how to shakem...

Someone can call me on the phone and we'll talk then I will go off somewhere and see someone who asks, "oh did/ have you talked to the person" I just spoke with on the phone and I will say, "oh yes I just spoke to her". Innocently I may reveal something that someone else may decide to tell another person what I said and change it to their way of seeing or not but...I guess what it depends on how the person would feel about someone else knowing that this is what is happening in their life...I guess descretion is the better part of valor...

I am sure I have been gossiped about too I don't care really. At least I know people still find me interesting...

[Grimnar]

Our character defects hang on tenaciously because we secretly enjoy or need them.

I would like more discussion on this concept or topic. Other than that I am not sure what to say.