Jealousy.

[Dan]

Feeling.

Though resentment gets more attention in AA than jealousy, both of these ugly emotions can plague us in sobriety. Some of us can be very distressed and ashamed when the green demon of jealousy suddenly assaults us. Does this mean we're not working our program?

No, because the purpose of our program is to bring honesty and healing into our lives, not denial of basic human emotions. It's very understandable that we have pangs of jealousy even in sobriety. Quite often, this jealousy will be felt toward loved ones and close friends.

One young AA father disclosed he was jealous of his wife when their infant son seemed more responsive to her than to him. We can also experience jealousy when others close to us receive things we'd like to have. It's even possible to be jealous of another's standing in AA.

When such feelings arise, we always have the answer: We must discuss our feelings with certain AA friends and turn these problems over to our Higher Power. This, not denial, is always the solution.

If the green demon of envy and jealousy arises today, I'll let the healing power of the Twelve Steps go to work for it.

From the book Walk in Dry Places.

[Five]

Has it ever occured to the guy in touchstones that resentments are a part of life, are to expected, and not just part of some strange alcoholic temprament? Resentment may even be a deep seated coping mechanisim? To me resentment means actually hating someone - the rest is just me disapproving of the way someone else behaves - not acutally hating that person? How can you not disapprove of how some behave?

"this is the only solution" - well as this was posted on the What is Recovery Forum - I find this is not true. Fastest way to get rid of a resentment? Try and understand the person - put yourself in their shoes. Take time to ponder how beautiful humanity is. Use a bit of compassion - train yourself; far easier, less dramatic, and more healing than sharing with people in a room about how resentful you are.

Sorry Dan, but its message like the above that make me sad.

[Dan]

Originally Posted by Five

Has it ever occured to the guy in touchstones that resentments are a part of life, are to expected, and not just part of some strange alcoholic temprament? Resentment may even be a deep seated coping mechanisim? To me resentment means actually hating someone - the rest is just me disapproving of the way someone else behaves - not acutally hating that person? How can you not disapprove of how some behave?

"this is the only solution" - well as this was posted on the What is Recovery Forum - I find this is not true. Fastest way to get rid of a resentment? Try and understand the person - put yourself in their shoes. Take time to ponder how beautiful humanity is. Use a bit of compassion - train yourself; far easier, less dramatic, and more healing than sharing with people in a room about how resentful you are.

Sorry Dan, but its message like the above that make me sad.

Well, firstly, that quote isn't from the book Touchstones, but rather a book called Walk in Dry places.
Secondly, I'm sure the word resentment can be defined any way you understand it, Five. However you grasp it is fine with me.
That it can be a coping mechanism, though, would be a stretch for my rational mind.

Thirdly, can I suggest you adjust your filters when you read AA related literature? No where in that quote does it say, 'this is the only solution', as you remark.
This, not denial, is always the solution.

Big difference, in my eyes anyway, no matter which semantic avenue you decide to walk down.

Finally, I really wish that my friends here that aren't AA members would stop pointing out that 'since this is the What is Recovery Forum', sometimes, in response to these AA program related readings.
You, nor anyone else, has the right to tell me where I'll share what works for me, to this day, in the hopes that it may help another like me.
Getting sober is about getting out of the ghetto of the mind.
Deal with it, Mill.

The internet is a big place, and there's room for everyone, I read recently.
On that note, Merry Christmas to you and your family, Mill.
And thanks for sharing.

[equus]

Try and understand the person - put yourself in their shoes. Take time to ponder how beautiful humanity is. Use a bit of compassion - train yourself; far easier, less dramatic, and more healing than sharing with people in a room about how resentful you are.

I like this and it works for me. I remember ringing up and asking if my car was back from it's MOT - the first person said no, so I asked if any of the work I knew had needed doing had been done, he said no and that they would ring me. I RESENTED them not getting on with it, I resented that I couldn't just withdraw my business, I resented that it was MY car but I HAD TO wait.

Resentment doesn't make for patience!! I rang back a couple of hours later. The second person I spoke to explained it had missed it's first MOT slot because it arrived 5 minutes late (my fault), he said they try not to do the work until the MOT because it can mean dismantling some bits like a light unit twice, (that made sense), he said it was currently being MOT'd and that they would do their best. I UNDERSTOOD - NO MORE RESENTMENT.

Understanding another's point of vieew really does help me. Sometimes there's no way of getting that point of view and then just knowing they are also a feeling human being helps (compassion), trying to remind myself of my own mistakes helps me too.

The best time I personally find to dwell on my own jealousy is when I believe someone else is jealous, then I can remind myself I have been too, but that moment of time doesn't sum me up any more than it sums anyone else up.

Recently I've made a conscious decision to look more carefully at what I have and spend lots less time thinking about what I want. I hadn't noticed I had so much!!

[Hopefloats]

What happened to the context of this thread. I believe it was titled "Jealousy".
Great message. Seeing we can take what we want and leave the rest, today I am taking because I just learned something new..once again.
Thanks Dan
Hopefloats

[splendra]

Jealousy....

I don't get jealous very easily. I don't really think anyone has anything that makes me feel put down or less than.

I have seen behavior in my H that has led me down a path of jealousy. At first I was just a little curious quickly became furious....I watched from a distance then got a little closer, closer, and closer. I became very disturbed by what I observed...look up and I was in a trap without a map..

Still hurting over his flirting...

Blue eyes still..