Definition.

[Dan]

Self-Image

The thoughtless practice of lumping people into categories can be destructive. Some of us still see the with resentment over the roles we were given in our families while growing up. We realize that this way of being defined was a put-down.

As adults living sober, we must now make sure we define ourselves in ways that contribute to our success and happiness. If others attempt to attach labels to us, we must not accept this____ at least not in our own minds.

If others are attempting to define us in this way, we must always ask whether we've invited such labeling. Did our behavior somehow give them this impression? Did we mask our true feelings to present an image with which we don't really want to live? Whatever the answer, we must take charge of defining who we are and what we want to be.

If I don't like the way people have been viewing me, I'll change the signals I've been sending out. Any signals I send should fit the way I really want to be known.

From the book Walk in Dry Places.

[Ann]

As adults living sober, we must now make sure we define ourselves in ways that contribute to our success and happiness. If others attempt to attach labels to us, we must not accept this____ at least not in our own minds.

I'm seeing several reminders today that being who I really am is perfectly okay and that I no longer have to meet anyone else's standards.

The labels that were used when I grew up were deceptive. They were not put downs outright, but hurtful nonetheless..."You could be such a nice person, if only you'd...", "You seem like a bright person, why can't you see things clearly? (meaning their way)" or my all time favourite "You'd find yourself a much better person if you'd just take my advice and do what I say."

These were all labels of "less than" put on me by controlling people if I didn't measure up to their standards.

Today my heart is open to change, but by the grace of my recovery, today I can decide who I am and what is best for me. How freeing that is.

Hugs
Ann

[Dan]

Funny thing how the label of alcoholic was assigned to me years before I was ready to wear it. Even funnier is that only when I did become ready to wear it and own it was I able to do something about it.
Until then, I sailed on in blissful ignorance.
The mind is an endless source of oppositions.

[somebodysfool]

Originally Posted by Dan

Did we mask our true feelings to present an image with which we don't really want to live? Whatever the answer, we must take charge of defining who we are and what we want to be.

This scares me into growing up. I don't want to, I don't want to....

J

[Dan]

Growing up...
That was a big part of the fear of sobriety for me.
Loaded all the time, I didn't have to even think about the image, the signals I sent out.
I mean, when you learn to live with vomit on your shirt as a normal state of affairs, the rest of your existence is pretty much just background noise anyway...

But sober, it's a whole new ballgame.
I'm aware, painfully sometimes, that I have a place and time to fill in society, the world.
What do I want to project, what do I want my sobriety to look like, for the next alcoholic that might be thinking he's had enough?

Being sober means that I no longer live in a castle in Spain.
Warts and all, I am.
And loving it.