question about rehab

[casey24]

hi everybody! My boyfriend is in rehab now for a few months. He hit "rock bottem" and realized he had a problem. He told his parents and I everything about his cocaine problem and wanted to get help. He is in rehab for himself which will have a good outcome. We are all very proud of him and support him. He is also very excited to be there to finally end this problem. My question is I know alot of rehabs talk about ending all relationships with friends and people that associate themselves with drugs, and I was wondering if they will try to tell him we shouldn't be together when he gets out. I do not do drugs and used to cry to him to stop. Just before he left he saw how upset I was and told me he wants to marry me when he gets out and felt so bad about the times when he didnt come home to go get high, and all the things he put me through, and can't wait until he is clean so he will never hurt me again. You don't think the conselors will try to discourage our relationship do you? We love eachother more than anything and in my opinion I am the best influence on him. I do not do drugs and have a 4 year old that he loves as his own.

[Ann]

Welcome Casey.

It is often suggested not to begin a new relationship for a year, but if a relationship already exists, it isn't necessarily discouraged.

Keep in mind that rehab is just the beginning, the real recovery begins when they leave and go back to the real world. This is often a time where they need to really focus on themselves and their program, to find support often in NA or AA, and beging living their sobriety. Many time a partner will feel left out, and it's not about neglecting the partner it's about working a program as if their life depends on it...because it does.

My suggestion would be to begin working a program for yourself, Naranon, Alanon or CoDA are three very good places to start, and this program will help you regain your balance and learn to be happy no matter how he does with his program. Also, I would take it easy, get used to the new "him" and see if his actions follow his words. Getting married right after rehab could be a big mistake, and if it's meant to be then giving it a bit of time before you decide won't hurt.

There are many people who have been where you are on the Naranon Forum here, maybe introduce yourself there and take a read around that board. Lots of good information is on the "sticky" posts at the top of that forum and it may help you understand better that addiction and recovery from it is a long road and not an instant cure.

Glad you joined us, hope you'll stick around.

Hugs
Ann

[laurie6781]

Actually the suggestion is NO MAJOR CHANGES the first year, thus if in a relationship stay if not don't get in one. no big moves (from one city to another), no big job changes, etc

However, you may find that he is very wrapped up in his recovery the first months and that is quite normal for most of us recovering. There is so much to learn and we are feeling emotions we haven't felt in years and may not know how to handle.

As Ann suggested Naranon or Alanon would be great for you to regain your own balance and learn to be happy no matter what he does.

Glad you are here, please continue to share, there are many who have been where you are now and can help with their own experience, strength and hope.

Love and (((((to all))))),

[Greenbug]

Casey a little curious, do you also have a problem with drugs and or alcohol?

Is everything OK with you?


I see this thread has been started four times with the same question not including this one. Whats really on your mind?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hab-77275.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hab-77292.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ere-77271.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hab-77292.html

[BarryH]

Having worked in treatment for a number of years I can only add my agreement to what's been said above. I hope your b/f's treatment facility has some sort of family component you can participate in. If not, couples counselling when he leaves is often a great idea too. Family treatment has proven to be very effective as an adjunct to regular treatment.

One thing to be aware of also: Most people relapse shortly after treatment. This does not mean your b/f will of course, but it is to prepare you for that reality. That in no way means treatment has failed however. A relapse or two following treatment is often what is needed to confirm to the addict all the things they learned there, so do not give up hope right away. I echo the advice above however, and strongly suggest Alanon, Naranon or CoDA as a way to help yourself. In many ways you are in need of help as badly as he is.