Annoying...please help...

[Five]

Here is the problem:

I LOVE sitting in café bars – maybe once a day, twice at the most. I go there for an hour maybe, sit and read, do some CBT/SMART/recovery, write some awful poetry, and just basically be soothed by it all. Today I actually realised though: I don’t think I can live WITHOUT doing this! I actually thought: coffee bar experiences are essential for me.

I enjoy it: I really find it helps clear my nut-nut. But I am worried if this is the emergence of addictive behaviour and that I am using my coffee bar escapades to mask “deeper” troubles. In other words “fixing” on the coffee, the smokes, the avoidance etc…

Does anyone else have these MUST have routines? On one hand I think I should be doing the clean and sober thing and controlling myself, on the other hand I feel a deep affinity with my particular cafes and my a hour of peace and thoughtfulness and music on my walkman.

Its been depressing my recently. My nut has been saying: if you continue going to the coffee bars your not REALLY in recovery….

[laurie6781]

Hey Mill:

I thinks it time for you to put the committee on a long long vacation, lol. That way you will stop analyzing everything.

Sobriety is about living life, and ENJOYING life. You enjoy your time at the coffee bar, well then GO.

I have found over the years, that we who suffer from addictions like alcohol and drugs have a problem with over analyzing everything roflmao. Even after 24 years I can still get into that mode and have to yank myself back and say to myself "girl, knock it off."

Just continue to work on you to be THE BEST PERSON YOU CAN BE TODAY. Go and enjoy life. I have found that I can do both, lol.

And Mill, relax a bit . Yes staying sober is a serious business, but it can also be lots and lots of fun!!!!

Keep posting, cause I love seeing where you are at!!!!

JMHO

Love and (((((to all))))),

[Five]

[quote=laurie6781]Hey Mill:

I thinks it time for you to put the committee on a long long vacation, lol. That way you will stop analyzing everything.

Sobriety is about living life, and ENJOYING life. You enjoy your time at the coffee bar, well then GO.

I have found over the years, that we who suffer from addictions like alcohol and drugs have a problem with over analyzing everything roflmao. Even after 24 years I can still get into that mode and have to yank myself back and say to myself "girl, knock it off."

Just continue to work on you to be THE BEST PERSON YOU CAN BE TODAY. Go and enjoy life. I have found that I can do both, lol.

And Mill, relax a bit . Yes staying sober is a serious business, but it can also be lots and lots of fun!!!!

Keep posting, cause I love seeing where you are at!!!!

JMHO



Thanks Laurie - I once analised so much that I was an inch away from imploding.

Thanks: relax yes. maybe if i relaxed more it would not be such a problem....

[Ann]

Originally Posted by Five

Here is the problem:

I LOVE sitting in café bars – maybe once a day, twice at the most. I go there for an hour maybe, sit and read, do some CBT/SMART/recovery, write some awful poetry, and just basically be soothed by it all. Today I actually realised though: I don’t think I can live WITHOUT doing this! I actually thought: coffee bar experiences are essential for me.

I find the same peace when I walk the beach, and from spring until right about this time of the year, you will find me there several times a day. I miss the walks today, and nothing else takes the place, so maybe I'm addicted to sun and wind and waves and solitude. Nahhhh, but I sure do enjoy it.

You sound pretty healthy to me, and I see nothing wrong with doing this if it makes you feel good and brings you peace.

Hugs
Ann

[Five]

Sounds lovely.

Sadly I live in London, so not quite the same scenery.

[bartender129]

Howdy Mill,
CBA time. You might want to do one on this issue and see what the actual costs and benefits of going to café bars are.

Give ‘er a go!

[Five]

Originally Posted by bartender129

Howdy Mill,
CBA time. You might want to do one on this issue and see what the actual costs and benefits of going to café bars are.

Give ‘er a go!

Cost benefit...

Right, will get on to it...

Ta...

[Dan]

Originally Posted by Five

Sadly I live in London, so not quite the same scenery.

Oh, come on Mill...
I'm sure there are lovely Thames beaches in the Docks area

[Five]

Beaches of death Dan, beaches of Death.

Arms show up, legs, whole children.

[Dan]

Could be worse.
You could be in Liverpool.

[Five]

Yes. Scouse land.

I went there ONCE. Never again.

[Autumn]

Thanks for making me smile today.

I totally feel ya.

Kind of HARD not to visit the Detroit River and not envision skulls rolling down the riverbed.

And if there aren't any skulls in the Huron River, it's full of junk anyway.

But we can be grateful we have OUR skulls.

[FaeryQueen]

Howdy Mill,
CBA time. You might want to do one on this issue and see what the actual costs and benefits of going to café bars are.

Give ‘er a go!

Is this something they teach you to do in SMART?

Maybe I should do CBA to see if it is rational to salsa on Saturdays. Hmmmmmm.....those ankle strap shoes I bought were on sale.

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[bartender129]

Originally Posted by FaeryQueen

Is this something they teach you to do in SMART?

Maybe I should do CBA to see if it is rational to salsa on Saturdays. Hmmmmmm.....those ankle strap shoes I bought were on sale.

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The not sarcastic reply:

The CBA is an easy to use exercise used to help rationally make choices. To do one you write down all the associated costs and benefits of choosing to do and not to do something. It helps reinforce which choice is in your best interest to make.

Take a look:
http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/toolchest.htm

The sarcastic reply:
Only if Salsa on Saturdays is something you are unsure is in your best interests. But fret not, should you determine that it is not in your best interest simply admit that you are powerless over Salsa and come to rely on a power greater than those ankle strap shoes. After that simply make amends with all the shoes, not on sale, that you harmed by not purchasing .

Take care FQ

[laurie6781]

Not being sarcastic here, but am amazed that whomever wrote about this analysis to teach it to others took a simple "pro and con" list and turned it into "actual costs and benefits", hmmmm both wordings work.

"Pro and con" lists have been a tool of mine since early sobriety. Works great and for this alkie has I believe saved me some grief and "kicking myself in the butt" over the years.

Love and (((((to all))))),

[Five]

Sarcastic, spiteful...but devistantingly amusing.

[bartender129]

Originally Posted by laurie6781

"Pro and con" lists have been a tool of mine since early sobriety. Works great and for this alkie has I believe saved me some grief and "kicking myself in the butt" over the years.

Me too. I find them beneficial for several reasons.

1. Getting all of the opposing thoughts out of my head and on to a piece of paper makes them so much more manageable. By writing them all down, none of them go overlooked when making a decision.

2. The CBA helps me to consider things from every angle. I use it to take a close look at the risks and rewards of doing something and of not doing something. I also do this for the short term and the long term. My goal is to make decisions that are in my own best interest, and this tool helps me iron out all the details to make an informed choice and not act on impulse.

3. The CBA’s I have done, most importantly on drinking, are constantly updated and evolving. Benefits that I never considered I have realized as I get more sober time and I find it rewarding when I add them to my CBA. Also, costs and benefits that I considered broadly when I first quit drinking, I have gotten more specific about as I live each day sober. For example, when I first wrote it I put as a benefit of quitting “I will be a better father.” Now, I fill in actual examples of how that has manifested itself.

I find doing CBA’s very helpful. They help me make better decisions and better choices.

Cool to see that you do a form of them too Laurie.