I Fooled Nobody

[Don W]

The last few weeks I've been watching some people at work. On Friday nights they grab a few beers at supper. Eveyone in the place can tell by their face and actions. How on earth could I have possibly thought I fooled these same people. When I look at photos during and after drinking what a difference. Many claim I knocked 10 years off my looks with stopping the drink. Just a word of advice to those that still think they have the world fooled. You don't. Next time out drinking, call your phone and leave a message at the start. Then do the same at end of night. Then compare. Or, maybe like me, your wife will have saved your message, and play it after swearing you either didn't or only had a couple. We only made the breath mint people very rich.

[minnie]

Don, you are so right.

I could always tell when my ex had had a drink. In fact, I could tell he was going to drink even before he did! (but that says more about me than about him.)

Just because people don't say anything, doesn't mean they haven't noticed.

[best]

I fooled one person or should I say that the alcohol fooled one person....

ME

[IMHomerSimpson]

I fool myself usually,just take that deep breath and proceed to "act" sober. "Im sober" I think silently but everyone around me smells the alcohol and listens to my mumbo-jumbo as if it were worth listening to.If I were sober it would be far from mumbo-jumbo in peoples eyes but its just "drunk talk" when drinking.

[harleygirl92156]

Originally Posted by minnie

In fact, I could tell he was going to drink even before he did!

Boy I can hear ya there. I have told my hubby that during recovery and he still finds it hard to believe, but does. I knew he was leading up to a drunk (binge drinker). Personality change, agitated, nothing pleases, but mostly just the look in his eyes! It was strange, distant and he looked well almost scared.
Must have been as frightening for him as it was for me.

[Dan]

Originally Posted by harleygirl92156

Must have been as frightening for him as it was for me.

To know, under the cheap movie poster art which is the image I project when I'm leading up to a drink, exactly where I'm going to end up, and still go there...
Well, there's nothing scarier.

[Gabe]

Originally Posted by minnie

In fact, I could tell he was going to drink even before he did!

It's some kind of odd radar Minnie.
I developed it as a child and fine tuned it as an adult.

[Chy]

Yup, despite my efforts the family always knew, something about a goofy look, bottles of mouthwash, being nice and dishing out dollars to the kids, having them lie when someone called and I couldn't speak without slurring, ...oh yeah, I was only fooling myself.

[Grimnar]

Originally Posted by Don W

Many claim I knocked 10 years off my looks with stopping the drink.

Well, I only drank alone. Never in public. However I hope the age reversal thing works no matter what.

[Don W]

minnie, my wife could tell when on Saturday or Sunday I'd start to get billigerent, more than normal, she'd pick u[p on the fight so I could go stomping out the door. In fact, she'd egg me on to get it over with. Sort of like a play I guess. We knew our lines and parts to be played. And play them we did.

[ASH]

Originally Posted by Don W

How on earth could I have possibly thought I fooled these same people. .

Yes, I was fooling everyone, no one noticed me order that third, fourth, fifth, and on and on drink, after all I was so sly and clever....
and then the real dead give away,

No fool like a drunk fool!

[Dan]

Originally Posted by ASH

No fool like a drunk fool!

Hey, I like that phrase
Can I ever relate...

[paralysisofwill]

You know, this thread made me think about something...the other day my Mom asked me why I had such big black circles under my eyes. I told her it was just stress and lack of sleep (and believed myself). Also, my family has all commented to me lately on my weight loss (didn't need to lose in the first place and now at 5'7" 105lbs really don't need to but I don't eat when I'm on vicodin). Anyways, I started thinking about how maybe I don't realize how I really look.....so, I've decided to take a "before" picture of myself, and when I am clean I will take the "after". (hopefully that will be soon). Maybe I'll share them on here - ha, ha!

[minnie]

Don - it IS a play. Until one person walks off stage, it all quite carefully scripted.

Having that radar has been handy for me in the past, but it is annoying now. I can even tell on here sometimes when someone's heading for a relapse - it's the attitude. It really amazes me that people (me included) think we can't be read like a book. Everyone has patterns - that's why I sometimes like to go to open AA meetings. I get to see the healthy patterns.

[angelgirl]

Hi Don,

Yep for sure.. People knew something was wrong with me, they just didn't know what..
I do believe in the beginning for a long time, no one knew, but when the drugs begin to take a hold, and you begin to take more, wow, when I got clean, and came home from the hospital, More than ONE person told me that they could tell right away in my by my voice, they said I slurred terribly when drugged, I guess I did..

It's embarrasing to think back, and think stood in front of these people slurring.
Sure am glad I don;t now..

Love ya,
Becky

[Don W]

Ya Becky but, it's getting further back in their memory . minnie, you talked somemore about the play. So many times before hand I would act out the entire situation in my mind. I would have complete hypothetical arguements in my mind. She'll say this, then I'll say that. Even going to work I'd plan an argument ahead. Like I said, in my mind I'd write everyone's script. Boy, would I get bull**** when others wouldn't speak my lines. I know I do and did, carry this into my recovery. No matter what program I wanted to call all the shots. I was going to show everyone, those suggestions were for other people. I'm special, I can go to bars and not drink here, let me show you. If, someone or a group didn't want to stick to my script? The hell with them. Don't get me wrong. Many have a ligitamate issue with a certain program or suggestion. I did myself but, looking back, I just didn't want to do what I didn't want to do. And that was plain and simple. I didn't want to not drink. I swear, if someone offered me a million dollars to not drink, I'd have tried to sneak a few and put the million at risk. Don't know about any of you but, I've been ( blessed?) with tell tail eyes. Hey Becky, I think your town is a perfect town for me. Like I used to belong to this club called, "The Odd Fellows." I know longer belong but, I was before and still am an "Odd Fellow" Sorry all you Odd Fellows, I was just hit with a fit of laughter. Thinking about all the secret handshakes and signs make me think of Spanky and our Gang."

[angelgirl]

Hey Don,

You must have read about my town in Roadie's post huh? Well, I don't know. I would prefer to move. Mostly because I have neighbors,, I am really anti-social when it comes to my neighbors, lol. I really don't like neighbors. They are just to close. I wouldn't mind neighbors if they were even a few blocks down on both sides, instead of being so close. Its really strange, because I grew up in the city with neighbors, but I would like nothing more now than to move to the country, have a little barn with a couple of horses, and maybe a few chickens, more dogs and cats,, and whatever animal I could find, lol, I am a definate animal lover, it's be nice to own a dog kennel or something like that..

There are many benefits to living in a small village like this though. Like, I live about a block from the pool, that has a couple slides and is HUGE, and my kids have been in that pool since they were about 3 years old. It's great cuz there are many days in the summer that my kids are the only kids at the pool, alot of times it's like having our own huge pool, with life guards, that's cool, but not so cool to pay taxes for a huge pool like that with life guards and basket attendants, that really very few people go to,,
That is another bummer, our taxes are sky high,,
But then I guess you pay for what you have, and we do have it good as far as my kids being fairly safe. I do feel that they are much safer here that they would be if they were in a bigger city..

The gossip is really bad,, Really bad,, No kidding, Worse than any where I have ever lived.

Overall, yes, it is a really cool place to live, I guess the toughest things are the gossip (alot of people here are EXTREMELY clicky, and have ALOT of money, we just don't fit into that, and they treat my kids liek that, that makes me sad,)..
But to have my kids be safer, I am happy t deal with the rest,,
I do no sound like a complainer here, I can really come up with more good things than bad,,

Thanks for listening,
Love,
Becky

[Don W]

I hadn't read that post. I was refering to "Crazytown". I thought you made that name up to protect the unwell.

[shockozulu]

Originally Posted by minnie

Having that radar has been handy for me in the past, but it is annoying now. I can even tell on here sometimes when someone's heading for a relapse - it's the attitude.

Same way here and I haven't even been here for half a year. It drives me crazy when I want to yell at the screen "Don't you see you are headed for a relapse!"

[angelgirl]

Oh, sorry Don, for going into such details then, lol,,,

I really did make up the name to protect the unwell, but when

Roadie asked me just last night about where crazytown was, I wasn't

sure if he meant that, because I have spoken about the village which I live in,

or, if he meant the same thing you did, but I just thought he meant where I live,

then when you asked, since I was just asked last night, LOL, I began to tell you as

well..

Now you know more about me than you asked, LOL..
Goofy me,,
love and prayers,
Becky

[Dan]

Isn't Crazytown that place between my ears?

[Don W]

Dan, I think that would make a great song. Not sure your old enough but, Ricky Nelson's " Lonesome Town". (Going down to Crazytown, where the broken lives live.) Ok, you got the next verse.

[bahookie]

Thanks for this thread -

so, what are some signs of relapse? I think I see things, things I would hear my A partner talking about when she was well, things she recognised in others.

Everything is someone else's fault (usually mine - if I hadn't a cat she wouldn't have picked up a half-chewed mouse instead of the keys lol)
If we moved to America or New Zealand it would all be ok (?)
Shiftiness around 7pm, first joint time (at least I think it's first joint time)
Insular, defensive and dismissive
Constant lying about stuff that's just daft
Nearly entirely inhabits fantasy world of future plans and bullsh**
Days and weeks solidly spent watching movies and playing computer games

What do you think, am I on the right track or just being a bitch?

Jane
xxx

[angelgirl]

Hey,

Don't know about you Dan, but Crazy town IS the place between my ears,,

The voices wanted me to tell you that,, LOL..

Love ya all,
Becky

[minnie]

Jane, I think you're on the right track - what does your little voice say? That's usually what you need to listen to, so you can get out of the way.

Son't forget - relapse happens way before picking up.