I needed this.

[Dan]

I went through several fruitless years in a state called `viewing with alarm for the good of the movement'. I thought it was up to me to be always 'correcting conditions'. Seldom had anybody been able to tell me what I ought to do, and nobody had ever succeeded in effectively telling me what I must do. I had to learn the hard way out of my own experience.

When setting out to `check' others, I found myself often motivated by fear of what they were doing, self-righteousness, and even downright intolerance. Consequently, I seldom succeeded in correcting anything. I just raised barriers of resentment that cut off any suggestion, example, understanding, or love.
Bill Wilson, letter, 1945.

Thought I'd post this in this forum, so I could share with more of the community.
My heart hurts for Soberville, this beautiful place. It's been the weirdest three or four weeks that I've ever experienced here.

People leaving, coming back, leaving again. High drama, low drama. Hurt feelings, no feelings, too many feelings. Good humor, not enough humor, too much humor. Inventories, no inventories, overstock, no stock...

Me, I get caught up way too easily, still, in my own perceptions.
Time for this to change

I love this place, and it's citizens.
I just want whoever reads this to know that.

[Don W]

I can identify Dan. My desire for everyone to get along has overwhelmed me at times. I used to call myself Mr. In-between. I also tried to fix everything and everyone. Even here I have to avoid controversay as much as possible. If not, I find myself right in the middle. Then ask myself, How did you get yourself into this mess. The last part being the answer. Even now as hard as I try I fall into the trap. My wife dosen't like my son's wife. I keep trying to improve( change really) her feelings. Now being a supervisor I get payed to get involved in squabbles. All this I think is used by be to divert my attention from the one that needs it the most---ME. Don W

[Phinneas]

Originally Posted by DangerousDan

People leaving, coming back, leaving again. High drama, low drama. Hurt feelings, no feelings, too many feelings. Good humor, not enough humor, too much humor. Inventories, no inventories, overstock, no stock...

What I see here may be partly due to the emotional roller coaster of early recovery. The first phase seems to be the misery of getting the alcohol and drugs out of the body. The second phase is the agony of long numbed emotions waking up and going all over the place. I went through it myself and I watch people coming into the rooms go through it, too.

Thistooshallpass... Thistooshallpass...Thistooshallpass...

These emotional highs and lows and all-over-the-boards are normal and necessary part of recovery. Hang in there, people. Be patient and compassionate with yourself and be patient and compassionate with others.

The good news is that the next and subsequent phases of recovery of the mind, body and spirit do stabilize. And it does get better. And we do recover.

Dan, you are a strong voice of reason and support here on SR and a very bright light in recovery.

hugs,

phinny

[In memory of miracle]

I know you do...

[Gooch]

Over the course of many years I wound up loosing many good friends while playing arbitrater. I coldn't shake that in recovery, always wanting to be Mr. Fixer.

Then one night my friends wife said to me .. this is an ab relationship not an a b + c relationship.

You don't have a relationship with my husband and I you have a relationship with my husband and you have a relationship with me.

the light bulb went on and since then it's been easier for me to avoid being in the middle. If I need that sort of friction in my life anymore I can just go down to the docks and tie myself between the boat and the morring.

some people come. some people grow, some people come but they have to go to grow.

most come back sooner or later or we meet up down the road.

[icefalcon]

sober minds bring reasonable thought, been kind of in the backgrounds keeping an eye on whats been going on here on SR. just thought that with all the emotion going around, i did not want to through my 2 cents in and stir the pot. but i can tell you that a couple of times i really wanted to get in. but i see good people still reaching out, and the newcomers coming in. and that's good!
(((emotions))) 18 yrs and still dealing with them clean, well thank god i'm human.
dean

[Dan]

Me, a voice of reason, Phinny?
God bless us all then...

All I know is what I feel in my middle, when I look past all my own bullshit.
This place is too valuable to let emotions get in the way. I'm one hundred percent guilty of doing that sometimes. I take offense, when none should be taken. I make a joke when none should be made. I stick my nose in a thread where I have absolutely nothing to share for the good.

I'm grateful for the man I am. I don't let my emotions get away on me that much.
But when I do, I generaly regret it. Maybe it's because I've been here a little longer than some, and that my circumstances were such that I spent a lot of time here in the beginning, and I was fortunate to develop good, strong relationships with solid people. I value this forum.
The concept of ownership...
I own my tiny spot here, in the collective. It's my responsibility to be a part of.
And it pisses me off to no end when I fall short.
And here's the news... When I fall short, it's always because of my ******* perceptions.

[Dan]

When I fall short, it's always because of my ******* perceptions.

Anyone else want to relate?:saywhat?:

[best]

Originally Posted by DangerousDan

Me, a voice of reason, Phinny?
God bless us all then...

Yes you are

I had to learn the hard way out of my own experience.

and when any of us share our ESH we can be that same voice

I'm grateful for the man I am.

and so are we.

You give more and because of your experiences, you know answers others may not know. Some may not get it at the moment but I am sure many of your words go with them and one day, a light bulb goes on...WOW Dan was right.

[minnie]

What I see here may be partly due to the emotional roller coaster of early recovery.

I think that's spot on, Phinny. I get very sad that this often happens on the Newcomers Board and, as an "outsider" I can sometimes see the train wreck coming but am powerless to stop it. As an anon, I encourage anon newcomers to get involved on the Friends and Family Boards - to hear the E, S & H of those that have gone before. Yet I don't often see that transition on the other side of the fence. Is there a reason for that?

And Dan, you know I think you're a star.

[Gabe]

Originally Posted by DangerousDan

I love this place, and it's citizens.
I just want whoever reads this to know that.

Me too.
Always have, always will.
Nice quote from Bill W.
A good lesson in why we all need to stay on our own side of the street.

[spirit]

gooch, well said as ever, you are a nail hitter.

dan, you are a good man, that is all i can say.

i ahve know idea what has been happening, i have missed a few days.

but i do know that the strength of this place survives the changes.

that is all there is, changes, like tides, stuff comes and goes, but there is still the sea.

just like this place. we are all pebbles, some get stuck on a rock to stay and some get washed away and come back later or not at all.

cant expect more than that
hugs to all
kath

[namommy]

To all here at SR.

I love this place too and all of you.

Dan, I haven't been able to come on that often anymore, and I haven't seen as much of what is going on.

I think it is like what happens in our area, and probably every area. We are going through some growing pains. They hurt, they cause confusion and dissention (sp) but once we get to the other side, we realize that we had to go through them in order to grow.

SR is a strong recovering community. It will all work out for the best.

[quercusalba]

Good words, Dan. And yes, you are a bright light and a voice of reason.

I haven't posted much here lately myself... I haven't had much to add, but I still read daily. I can't emphasize enough how this community has helped me. It's a miracle - thanks to Jon and his cohorts... and thanks to all of us here. I second (third? fourth? etc.) the rest of you in saying that I love this place and I love its denizens.

Even on a day when I feel blank and sad and exhausted, I am thankful for this community, tempestuous emotions, missteps, growing pains and all.

--anne

[splendra]

I personally think we here at SR are adjusting to loosing ((((MG)))). I know she needed the time away she gave all of us her all. I think she kept this place balanced and loosing her has forced us to start seeking a new balance so that is what we are doing..... seeking a new balance.

[spirit]

maybe we just need to do this - sounds right to me

"let it rain" (jennifer paige)


It's in your eyes, you wanna cry
But you're afraid to let go
Sometime the past comes rushing back
Emotions overflow
You don't have to worry, you know I'll understand
I wanna help you through it, anyway I can
I'm gonna be here for you, take me by my hand
Break through these skies of gray, don't hold back

(CHORUS)
Let it rain
Let your teardrops wash away the pain
By your side I promise to remain
My love will pour like sunshine through the rain
Let it rain

With every touch, I'll earn your trust
You'll see my love is for real
So let me in, I'll show you how to love again
Don't have to hide how you feel
I'll be here to hold you, hold you when you cry
With my tenderness, I'll push the clouds aside
We'll make tonight the night, you leave it all behind
Break through these skies of gray, don't look back

(CHORUS)

You'll see a brighter day
Let my love lead the way
To a rainbow in the sky
Tears of joy will fill your eyes - let it rain

kath

[nogard]

Dan your spot on.


I have run amok somewhat here and in real life and as phinny says its the awakening of emotions long numbed and memories buried. I hold onto what phinn and others tell me, that this too shall pass.

About two weeks ago after my outburst I realised that my sobriety and SR as part of my sobriety was way to valuable to muck about with and since then I have looked at whats going on in and with me when things get tough.

I apologise for that post and wish I had never made it, I won't be making one like it in future and I love being here and am holding on tight.

Thanks

Kevin

[spirit]

nogord,
a small lesson mate,:

never apologise,and if you must then only to yourself.

i have found through being honest with myself, that apologies are really given in the first instance to make another feel better. when we apologise to ourselves we leep the wall.

having said that - maybe your tichty feelings this past week are about who to support tomorrow, the east or the west hahahaha - go eagles

hang with me mate, if the eagles , i have made friend, is frigging sydney win then i
made a friend for life, someone who can say "remember in 2005 when sydney won" and we can laugh about the irony of that ahhahaahahhah


god dont tell me you are turning into a south melbourne supporter hahaha
i know you are not particualry interested in the football, but i like to bring it up and yak with you about it cause there are not to many aussies here to talk to

cheers
kath

[Hopefloats]

Dan, thank you first of all for posting this. I think the words are powerful.

I have thought of leaving also, as some others have thought of, and have done. Not out of anger, but just because I need that time away.

You know, I probably will stay. I think by being here, I am remaining as part of some solution, not some problem that someone else may create. I become part of the solution when I keep my side of the street clean, as Gabe mentioned.

I find you wise...I think you have alot to offer, and I am pleased to share this space with you, and with many, many others.
God Bless you, and everyone that is here, trying to work on their recovery issues.
Hopefloats

[nogard]

thanks spirit Actually I am barricking for the swans


nogard

[Dan]

And exactly how does one 'barrick' for the swans, Kevin?
Must be Ozspeak, right?

[nogard]

lol. Yes Dan its Ozspeak barricking = supporting and today Saturday is the Grand Final, its a cranival in Melbourne, people really get into it. I don't go and only follow the game from a distance. Yesterday the city was packed with people drinking, I walked through it all as I headed to a meeting at lunch time. The game is AFL (Australian Rules Football) originates from Ireland, but has been changed somewhat. Its a fast and interesting game. The thing I liked most about it when I came to Australia was that all the violence if any was on the pitch between the players, the atomsphere in the stands is competitive but friendly. As opposed to English Soccer, I had to stop going when I was a kid as it was too dangerous.

nogard

[Dan]

Fancy that...
Safe soccer

[nogard]

lol wonderful concept eh?
nogard

[lulu70]

I love this place, and it's citizens.
I just want whoever reads this to know that.

I do too, Dan. I have had times where I thought I needed to leave SR to preserve my sobriety. Then I realized the reason things were affecting me so much was because I CARE so much and I am, at heart, a control freak who wants to fix everything and everyone. When I shift my focus here to listening and sharing my own personal experience, I do much better.

When I fall short, it's always because of my ******* perceptions.

Anyone else want to relate?

Well, I suppose it depends on what word is under the *******, but I am assuming it is not "spot-on."

I hate to see people in pain. Again, I want to fix them. And my own inflated ego actually makes me think I may be able to. When what I say seems to do no good, I get frustrated. Then, every once in a while, someone will tell me that something I said really helped them. Often it is not the person I originally intended to help. That reminds me how very little control I really have. The important thing is to put myself out there. It helps keep me sane. Selfish? Probably......but if I keep my focus on sharing my own experience rather than trying to fix other people, I think I am able to be more honest. At least then I know I am helping someone......even if it is only me.