Just Feeling a Little Down

[Chance]

Hi I just am feeling a little down right now. I was in the bedroom just trying to lay down and I came into the living room and noticed that my little girl was trying to get a hold of me on MSN Messenger, I hurried up to reply then there was no reply. Finally she came on and said "Dad, what is your phone number?" So I gave it to her and then she asked me for my address, so I gave that to her. I waited for a response and it was like she didn't want to respond so I said good bye and clicked off and then a minute later she said bye. I have been trying so so hard to do things different but I find that I don't think I am better of today than what I used to be. I would like to visit with them and try to make attempts to do that but it is like of no use. It all goes back to June when she was here at a meeting at SR and she spoke here at the meeting and then she found out my sobriety date. It is like since then she don't want to have anything to do with me, I have not even had my visitations since then. It makes me mad I am trying to be different today, I have tried so hard to be the father that I never was, but it is like a loosing battle. Then I feel like yes Vic you are, you are a big fat looser. Oh well

Love Vic

[Phinneas]

Time takes time, Vic. Keep walking the road of recovery, turn it over to your HP and the miracles will come.

hugs,

phinny

[hopealwayz]

Vic, keep on staying clean and sober and it will get better. Everything will fall into place exactly as it is supposed to . As Phinny said, time takes time, and the miracles will happen for you! Just please don't stop believing!!

[In memory of miracle]

((( Vic ))) Keep the faith...

[Ann]

Vic, I am responding to this as a codie from the "other side" of recovery, I am the mother of an addict, and I can only speak for myself here but perhaps it will help.

First let me tell you that most family members of addicts love the person with all their heart. I love my son, good days and bad, and nothing will ever change that. We love the person, hate the disease.

The thing is that when the addict has been active for some time, we lose our trust. Not just trust with monetary things or possessions, but our emotional trust. Time after time, we get our hopes up and are let down because it is simply impossible for an active addict to keep promises, even to themselves. We believe in them, but we forget that addiction is cunning and powerful and will steal them back first chance it gets.

Some, like me, find our own recovery and learn to deal with this on a healthy level. Many just try to work through it themselves. Whichever way we choose, it takes time to regain the emotional trust again. We play our emotional cards very close to our heart, and we stay cautious until time and the actions of the addict prove to us that we CAN become emotionally involved again. Does that make sense?

I'm sure your daughter loves you very very much. The fact that she contacted you for this information would indicate that she would like to correspond with you, and that is a very good sign. Now I've got to know you a little bit here, Vic, and I notice that, like myself, patience is not your finest virtue. Mine neither. It is hard to be patient for something we want so bad and have waited so long and worked so hard to get. But we both know that things happen in God's time, not in our time, so just hang in there, say your prayers and know that life unfolds exactly the way it is supposed to...it just takes time.

My prayers go out for your daughter and you too.

Hugs
Ann

[2dayzmuse]

Actions speak louder than words. Prove to her that this time will be different. You mean it and want it. You're doing a great job Vic. It takes time to heal. Be patient and she will see how hard you are tring. Hang in there...

[Chance]

Thanks everyone but I am trying and last night we talked on MSN for awhile and I said that I would really like to see them, she said that Mom didn't have any money (although she makes 5 times what I do), none of my buisness but I am only there when they need money. I said I don't have any to spare right now, it seems like the only time that they get ahold of me if when they want money. Ok I pay child support faithfully, plus when I can I also send extra money, after all she is the mother of my children. So now after I told her last night that I didn't have any extra money now they want this, at first I thought, YES, she is going to call to talk to me NOT. Ok so now I was calm when I first made this post but now I am getting mad. I know I have to look at my part and yes I have made mistakes, and yes I was not a good father, and yes I did do things wrong, but love me for me not what I can give you. If I would have said ok I will send you some money, SURE everything would have been different right now. I know how that for sure. Ok maybe it is my fault also cause I spoiled them with gifts, we never did hurt for money in any way when we were together, but now it takes more to live. Ok I will stop I am so mad right now, but I am NOT LEAVING SR, and I am NOT GOING TO USE, ( well I hope not )


Vic

[Ann]

Vic, don't take ownership of their bad behaviour, or motives. Just love your daughter and know she loves you and let the rest go. Time will take care of all of this.

Hugs
Ann

[stormyautumn]

(((vic))) Ann is right, time will take care of it. Keep your chin up, you are doing an awesome job in your recovery and they will see that soon too!

[2dayzmuse]

I don't know how old your daughter is, but guessing from the post, I would attribute alot of her behavior to her age. I've seen it before with others. Kids call usually when they want something. Many times, the Mother puts them up to it. I was in a relationship in the past, when the kids were stuck in the middle and were constantly asking for money. I want a new car, send me some money. Yeah, right. That kind of thing. I know the kids loved their Dad, they just didn't show it at the time. In time, they will grow to appreciate you for who you are, not just a resource. Your kids have a Dad who loves them and wants to be a part of their lives. These days...that is a blessing in itself. Hang tough Vic. This too shall pass...