oh crap - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

wantneeda · 09-06-2005, 01:24 PM

i don't where to put this post
i don't want to be here saying this
i gotta be honest
i'm on day 2 today
i fell
i'm having a hard time dealing with my actions
my daughter knows, she cried
after all i went through, lost, put my girls and my family through, i can't believe i would risk it all again
all that time i had
the 9th would, ya, would have been 15 months
i can't stop the tears
i need you guys right now

best · 09-06-2005, 01:30 PM

Take the lesson learned, dust off and continue on your recovery.

Good to see you have already started the recovery. Glad you came back and posted. Now lets keep things this way. Use the steps and stay the course.

quercusalba · 09-06-2005, 01:39 PM

Oh, beautiful woman - please do not let this end what you have accomplished. You have done so much, so much for yourself, and so much for me. You have been a very positive voice, and you will continue to be. Take hold of what you really are - and what you really are is strength and goodness and determination. And go with that. I know how you are feeling now, I have been there so many times myself.

You will be ok. I know it.

love,
anne

09-06-2005, 01:42 PM

Do you feel a little better getting it out? I always did, and I was always much harder on myself about it than anybody else was.

Day 2? Congratulations! I'm glad your here. Still.

pearl · 09-06-2005, 01:47 PM

You are a woman of tremendous strength. Keep moving forward.

Love Pearl

wantneeda · 09-06-2005, 02:10 PM

thankyou
the reasons for my slip(s).ya i've drank 5 times or so now in the last few weeks.
i just wanted to drink, dang it.i missed the feeling, the escape. And i guess, my old boyfriend had something to do with it. But the bottom line is i'm responsible for my own skin, my own actions.
Anne, you say to take hold of what i really am...i'm a drug addicted alcoholic. Thats what i am. I know thats not all that i am, but ...it took over, and while i was doing it, i liked it. I don't today though. I'm ashamed of myself.
yes, Doug, i do feel better, now that it is out in the open. I just finished an e-mail to my sponsor, telling her about it. We don't seem to cross paths very much, she works during the day, and i work the evenings, its not working out to well
the buses are on strike here, i can't get to a daytime meeting even. So i'll be here, USING you guys and gals as much as i can.
Really i think this was coming for a longer time that i care to realize, till now.
ya, my relapse started way before i picked up the first one.
its so easy to say, don't be hard on yourself, i've said it to others so many times!!!
i've also said, get back on the horse...
but you're so right Doug, i am hardest on myself, and my own worst enemy.
the crappy thing is though??? that i enjoyed almost every minute of it.........
i think i did because i knew i'd have to get back to recovery. Does that make sense??
ya Wendy, go rationalize and justify some more.oh brother, i am sick!!

wantneeda · 09-06-2005, 02:34 PM

what i don't understand is...if i don't give myself shite for my behavior who will??
is saying get over it, move on, forgive yourself.....saying its'; ok?? if i forgive myself, am i saying it's ok??
\

Time4Change · 09-06-2005, 03:19 PM

(((((Wantneeda))))

Dan · 09-06-2005, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wantneeda

is saying get over it, move on, forgive yourself.....saying its'; ok?? if i forgive myself, am i saying it's ok??

What's the difference, Wendy?
It's not like you can undrink, right?

Are you safe today? Find a meeting if you're not.
And welcome back.

**CarolD** · 09-06-2005, 03:51 PM

Hi Wendy....Congratulations on coming back.

Geez! get a grip.

You did not kill anyone or committ treason.

Blessings...

CAPTAINZING2000 · 09-06-2005, 05:10 PM

Wendy,

takes a woman to come back in here and tell that

Hugs

We get up Wed. we all start with the same 24 hours

Can't tell you how much you've picked me up when, I've been down

we're all here for you

hugs

Chris

cwohio · 09-06-2005, 05:19 PM

awww wendy -give yourself a break! you are aware, posting here, taking action! give yourself credit girlfriend! you supported this codie when i have needed it - i'm here for you too!

hugs - christie

indigo · 09-06-2005, 05:22 PM

Wendy why not come back? If you have a drink and regret it then forget it. Start again you know how. Be kind to yourself.

indigo

**Ann** · 09-06-2005, 05:30 PM

Wendy, you didn't lose 15 months, you had 15 months to put together enough recovery to get you back here today, yes?

Yesterday is gone, we cannot undo it or change a minute of it. You can just learn from it and grow in your recovery.

I see a lady who found the strength to come back and the wisdom to reach out. You sound like a winner to me, and I don't beat up winners.

Hugs
Ann

Don W · 09-06-2005, 05:34 PM

wantneeda, As others have mentioned, we must move on from a failed attempt at recovery. You've got to put your efforts in perspective. You've got 2 simple choices. To try or not try. Already you've made the best one. Score 1 for you. Your already asking for help, score 1 for you. You've already expressed a desire to improve, score another for you. Sometimes, we forget to look at the points we are racking up. I feel that I practice recovery. To drink is a very normal thing for us. It becomes a coping skill. We have to learn new coping skills. Posting here, a support group etc. will help with these needed skills. The biggest thing is to give yourself a chance. The odds of never drinking again after the first try are great. The odds of trying agian are also great. You've beat those odds, so stop beating yourself. We are here, you are here, together we can move forward. We won't leave you behind if you fall. Don W

wantneeda · 09-07-2005, 12:13 AM

((((SR))))
i really love you , i thank you for your words
ok, i'm done beating myself up
you are so right Ann, if i didn't have a foundation of a good kind i wouldn't have been able to try to get back on my feet. thank you for that. Now i gotta reinforce my foundation i guess. Make it stronger than it was.
Ms B....i think you hit the nail on the head there...i grew up with only getting attention when i WAS a bad girl. So those scoldings i am used to. Still trying to grow up here i guess. And yes, definitely wasted energy.
Getting a grip here Carol, thanks for your blessing.
thanks for your hugs Time4change, back atcha
no Dan,...i can't undrink. thanks for being here
and Chris, and Christie....i always smile when i get your hugs!!! I am so thankful, grateful you are here to share the journey.
ok Indy, i did it, i drank, can't change it. and yes i do know how, thanks for the reminder!
Don, today i'm trying!!!!!
back in the light today friends.
my sponsor called me at work tonight, said she seen it coming. I was hanging around with an old playmate, and even though i had a year, it was only a year. Guess i wasn't as strong as i thought i was. My daughter told me today that i looked like i had been partying for three days, even though it was only one....and even on day 2 i was still hung over, feeling like crap!! So true that one goes back to where they left off.
I made it back this time, today i don't want to find out if i'll make it back again. I want to live, and i want to live smilin'

Quote:

We are here, you are here, together we can move forward.

many hugs and thanks for your support. I'm so glad i'm not alone in this battle
Wendy

best · 09-07-2005, 12:26 AM

Good for you in seeing the light of truth.

Saves me from offering a spanking and wondering who would enjoy it more *grin**LOL*

It is so wonderful to see people get back on their feet. Enjoy this new day.

wantneeda · 09-07-2005, 12:37 AM

thanks Stormy,
my disease really wanted me to keep quiet too believe me!!!!
but i needed to be honest, for my own sanity.
wants and needs...thats how i chose my name. I don't care how much my disease WANTS me to drink, I NEED to stay sober today.
oh Best.....lol, i needed a laugh!!! If i ever need a spanking, you'll be the first to know

Millwallj · 09-07-2005, 02:30 AM

Keep your head up. Everything can be learned from Wantneeda. It may even make you stronger.

I feel for you pal, I really do.

But congrats on 2 days sobriety!!!!!

BSPGirl · 09-07-2005, 04:56 AM

I'm glad you quit beating yourself up, no use in that. Take care and enjoy your day.

In my honest opinion you're not back at square 1 now but it'll take ages to explain my whole theory about slips and relapses and etc.

wantneeda · 09-07-2005, 10:07 AM

hey there friends
amazing,
how long this hang over is lasting!!!!
i still fell like crap, but i will stay sober today!!!
just for today
i used to drink to get rid of the hang over, the hair of the dog...
pffft, only prolonged that agony. i'll make it through.
thats why they say play that tape through to the end!!!
hugs, Wendy

Don W · 09-07-2005, 03:09 PM

Hey I don't have a "Big Foot" but, you've brought a Big Smile to my face. Don W

09-06-2005, 01:24 PM	#1 (permalink)
wantneeda Miss Behavin' Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: regina,saskatchewan Posts: 975	oh crap i don't where to put this post i don't want to be here saying this i gotta be honest i'm on day 2 today i fell i'm having a hard time dealing with my actions my daughter knows, she cried after all i went through, lost, put my girls and my family through, i can't believe i would risk it all again all that time i had the 9th would, ya, would have been 15 months i can't stop the tears i need you guys right now __________________ nothin' changes if nothin' changes

09-06-2005, 01:30 PM	#2 (permalink)
best Don't get undies in a bunch Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: South Shore MA Posts: 7,166	Take the lesson learned, dust off and continue on your recovery. Good to see you have already started the recovery. Glad you came back and posted. Now lets keep things this way. Use the steps and stay the course. __________________ * I asked God to spare me pain. God said "No", Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me. Recovery Related Acronym B. E. S. T. = Been Enjoying Sobriety Today?

09-06-2005, 01:39 PM	#3 (permalink)
quercusalba Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Kingston, NY Posts: 390	Oh, beautiful woman - please do not let this end what you have accomplished. You have done so much, so much for yourself, and so much for me. You have been a very positive voice, and you will continue to be. Take hold of what you really are - and what you really are is strength and goodness and determination. And go with that. I know how you are feeling now, I have been there so many times myself. You will be ok. I know it. love, anne __________________ "The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are." --John Burroughs

09-06-2005, 01:47 PM	#5 (permalink)
pearl Card Carrying Optimist Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: The Great Pacific Northwest Posts: 136	You are a woman of tremendous strength. Keep moving forward. Love Pearl __________________ Class of 2005

09-06-2005, 02:10 PM	#6 (permalink)
wantneeda Miss Behavin' Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: regina,saskatchewan Posts: 975	thankyou the reasons for my slip(s).ya i've drank 5 times or so now in the last few weeks. i just wanted to drink, dang it.i missed the feeling, the escape. And i guess, my old boyfriend had something to do with it. But the bottom line is i'm responsible for my own skin, my own actions. Anne, you say to take hold of what i really am...i'm a drug addicted alcoholic. Thats what i am. I know thats not all that i am, but ...it took over, and while i was doing it, i liked it. I don't today though. I'm ashamed of myself. yes, Doug, i do feel better, now that it is out in the open. I just finished an e-mail to my sponsor, telling her about it. We don't seem to cross paths very much, she works during the day, and i work the evenings, its not working out to well the buses are on strike here, i can't get to a daytime meeting even. So i'll be here, USING you guys and gals as much as i can. Really i think this was coming for a longer time that i care to realize, till now. ya, my relapse started way before i picked up the first one. its so easy to say, don't be hard on yourself, i've said it to others so many times!!! i've also said, get back on the horse... but you're so right Doug, i am hardest on myself, and my own worst enemy. the crappy thing is though??? that i enjoyed almost every minute of it......... i think i did because i knew i'd have to get back to recovery. Does that make sense?? ya Wendy, go rationalize and justify some more.oh brother, i am sick!! __________________ nothin' changes if nothin' changes

09-06-2005, 01:42 PM	#4 (permalink)
Doug Guest Posts: n/a	Do you feel a little better getting it out? I always did, and I was always much harder on myself about it than anybody else was. Day 2? Congratulations! I'm glad your here. Still.

09-06-2005, 02:34 PM	#7 (permalink)
wantneeda Miss Behavin' Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: regina,saskatchewan Posts: 975	what i don't understand is...if i don't give myself shite for my behavior who will?? is saying get over it, move on, forgive yourself.....saying its'; ok?? if i forgive myself, am i saying it's ok?? \ __________________ nothin' changes if nothin' changes

09-06-2005, 03:19 PM	#8 (permalink)
Time4Change NA Rocks! Join Date: May 2005 Location: Location Location Posts: 517	(((((Wantneeda))))

09-06-2005, 03:51 PM	#10 (permalink)
CarolD Forum Leader Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie Posts: 34,835	Hi Wendy....Congratulations on coming back. Geez! get a grip. You did not kill anyone or committ treason. Blessings... __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

09-06-2005, 05:10 PM	#11 (permalink)
CAPTAINZING2000 Psalm 118:24 Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: ILLINOIS Posts: 9,450 Blog Entries: 1	Wendy, takes a woman to come back in here and tell that Hugs We get up Wed. we all start with the same 24 hours Can't tell you how much you've picked me up when, I've been down we're all here for you hugs Chris __________________ LIFE IS GOD'S GIFT TO YOU WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE IS YOUR GIFT TO GOD J - Jesus first O - Others next Y - Yourself last John 14:6

09-06-2005, 05:19 PM	#12 (permalink)
cwohio Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Litterbox City Posts: 6,142	awww wendy -give yourself a break! you are aware, posting here, taking action! give yourself credit girlfriend! you supported this codie when i have needed it - i'm here for you too! hugs - christie __________________ *Learn to write your hurts in sand. Learn to carve your blessings in stone! - Unknown*

09-06-2005, 05:22 PM	#13 (permalink)
indigo Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,928	Wendy why not come back? If you have a drink and regret it then forget it. Start again you know how. Be kind to yourself. indigo __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

09-06-2005, 05:30 PM	#14 (permalink)
Ann Forum Leader Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: By The Lake Posts: 25,209	Wendy, you didn't lose 15 months, you had 15 months to put together enough recovery to get you back here today, yes? Yesterday is gone, we cannot undo it or change a minute of it. You can just learn from it and grow in your recovery. I see a lady who found the strength to come back and the wisdom to reach out. You sound like a winner to me, and I don't beat up winners. Hugs Ann __________________ “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ~Winnie the Pooh~

09-06-2005, 05:34 PM	#15 (permalink)
Don W Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Charleston S.C. Posts: 1,463	wantneeda, As others have mentioned, we must move on from a failed attempt at recovery. You've got to put your efforts in perspective. You've got 2 simple choices. To try or not try. Already you've made the best one. Score 1 for you. Your already asking for help, score 1 for you. You've already expressed a desire to improve, score another for you. Sometimes, we forget to look at the points we are racking up. I feel that I practice recovery. To drink is a very normal thing for us. It becomes a coping skill. We have to learn new coping skills. Posting here, a support group etc. will help with these needed skills. The biggest thing is to give yourself a chance. The odds of never drinking again after the first try are great. The odds of trying agian are also great. You've beat those odds, so stop beating yourself. We are here, you are here, together we can move forward. We won't leave you behind if you fall. Don W __________________ Captain America - On the side of good

09-07-2005, 12:26 AM	#17 (permalink)
best Don't get undies in a bunch Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: South Shore MA Posts: 7,166	Good for you in seeing the light of truth. Saves me from offering a spanking and wondering who would enjoy it more grinLOL It is so wonderful to see people get back on their feet. Enjoy this new day. __________________ * I asked God to spare me pain. God said "No", Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me. Recovery Related Acronym B. E. S. T. = Been Enjoying Sobriety Today?

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

09-07-2005, 12:37 AM	#18 (permalink)
wantneeda Miss Behavin' Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: regina,saskatchewan Posts: 975	thanks Stormy, my disease really wanted me to keep quiet too believe me!!!! but i needed to be honest, for my own sanity. wants and needs...thats how i chose my name. I don't care how much my disease WANTS me to drink, I NEED to stay sober today. oh Best.....lol, i needed a laugh!!! If i ever need a spanking, you'll be the first to know __________________ nothin' changes if nothin' changes

09-07-2005, 02:30 AM	#19 (permalink)
Millwallj Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: London Posts: 501	Keep your head up. Everything can be learned from Wantneeda. It may even make you stronger. I feel for you pal, I really do. But congrats on 2 days sobriety!!!!!

09-07-2005, 04:56 AM	#20 (permalink)
BSPGirl Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Nowhere Posts: 889	I'm glad you quit beating yourself up, no use in that. Take care and enjoy your day. In my honest opinion you're not back at square 1 now but it'll take ages to explain my whole theory about slips and relapses and etc.

09-07-2005, 10:07 AM	#21 (permalink)
wantneeda Miss Behavin' Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: regina,saskatchewan Posts: 975	hey there friends amazing, how long this hang over is lasting!!!! i still fell like crap, but i will stay sober today!!! just for today i used to drink to get rid of the hang over, the hair of the dog... pffft, only prolonged that agony. i'll make it through. thats why they say play that tape through to the end!!! hugs, Wendy __________________ nothin' changes if nothin' changes

09-07-2005, 03:09 PM	#22 (permalink)
Don W Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Charleston S.C. Posts: 1,463	Hey I don't have a "Big Foot" but, you've brought a Big Smile to my face. Don W

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