Help Me to Understand

[ChildlikeFaith]

I know that I'll never be able to fully understand my husband's disease, but I want so much to be supportive as he recovers. I love him dearly and know that, more than anything, he wants to stay sober. I just don't understand why he can't.

My husband has been sober for 15 days now. I'm very proud of him. Each day of sobriety is a day for celebration. Before these fifteen days, he had a binge that scared both of us. He disappeared for three days which he has never done before. He woke up in the mountains, he had no clue where he was, and had a dog attacking him. He came home, humbled.

Before that binge, he was almost two months sober. He is going to A.A. regularly and has a sponsor. I'm beginning Al-Anon, and we are both trying to understand each other and be supportive in each others' recovery. I'm also an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. My dad was drunk for 40 years before he sobered up a year and a half ago. PRAISE GOD!!!

Ok, now I have a question for those of you that are alcoholics. What do you wish us who aren't alcoholics could understand? What do you think we should know?

I'm really trying to learn here so I can better understand the wonderful man I'm married to and be supportive on his recovery path. Our marriage, my kids, and most importantly, my husbands life depends on it.

[laurie6781]

Hi Faith.

Laurie here, an alkie from New Mexico. Continue to go to alanon and read chapter 8, Titled "To Wives.", in your husband's Big Book or.......

read it on line at:

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

This has lots of good information, developed many years ago and still applicable today.

Hope this helps.

Love and (((((to all))))),

[ChildlikeFaith]

Originally Posted by laurie6781

Hi Faith.

Laurie here, an alkie from New Mexico. Continue to go to alanon and read chapter 8, Titled "To Wives.", in your husband's Big Book or.......

read it on line at:

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

This has lots of good information, developed many years ago and still applicable today.

Hope this helps.

Love and (((((to all))))),

I have actually read "To Wives", but it didn't really make a lot of sense for today. It talked a lot about wives may have to get a job for herself and leaving for her mother and things like that. It made me think of a 50's wife, not a wife for today. It really didn't feel like it was written to me.

[Jerry K]

Without the support of my wife I would have never achieved my 20 months of sobriety. We have been married 34 years, and my drinking, while always a problem, became extreme in 2003, when I started to drink at work.

She was the main reason I entered rehab as an out-patient when both she and my business partner got together and had an intervention meeting with me in December of 2003.

The first thing she did was to tell me how much she missed her best friend and that she felt so alone. She had our two children before, but by then they were on their own with their own families. That got me thinking quite a bit and was the initial motivation to get sober.

My recovery program had a family night each week, and she always attended the meeting so that she could share with others in the same situation as she found herself.

She quit drinking and agreed to rid our two homes of all booze, and it stays that way today.

We also had about 10 to 12 sessions with a marriage counselor which was primarily used to re-open our communications with each other. No longer could she be the big co-dependent and I must learn (and have) to voice my opinions on matters. While I had always controlled the financial matters, I would use the booze to hide my feelings on other family matters. Now, we openly discuss these and appreciate each other's feelings and positions.

She never "bugs" me if I attended this meeting or that one, or what actual recovery tools I used this day (week, month). She will from time to time on a regular basis tell me how proud both she and my children are with my sobriety.

The major thing we both did was to start "dating" again. We go out to dinner alone at least once a week and often go to a movie. These were things we did early on in our marriage but with raising kids and building a business, this type of activity got lost in the hassles of life. Never again.

I guess the bottom line is that she shows her support without being demanding or a pest, makes sure that we communicate openly with each other (a relaspe sign for me) and that we do got out each week at least once. On the going out issue, with neither of us drinking, the tab is far more reasonable that it was before, even with desert!

Just my 2 cents, but hope it does provide some insight.

Jerry

[nocellphone]

Welcome to SR, ChildlikeFaith...

Originally Posted by ChildlikeFaith

Ok, now I have a question for those of you that are alcoholics. What do you wish us who aren't alcoholics could understand? What do you think we should know?

In addition to Al-Anon, you might consider attending some open AA meetings. There, you'll definitely get answers to the very insightful questions you've asked...

I wish you peace!