If Only...

[Ann]

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.

Happiness is a mental habit, a mental attitude, and if it is not learned and practiced in the present it is never experienced.
--Maxwell Maltz

If only I had a new bike, then I'd be happy. If only my family were more understanding, then I'd be happy. If only my hair were styled better. If only I had more friends. If only... Sometimes we begin to sound like a broken record when things go wrong, so certain that if the events and conditions of our lives were different, we'd be happy.

It's an old and unfortunate habit that we look around outside ourselves for happiness. We can never be sure of it if we count on certain conditions to guarantee it. However, we can always be sure of happiness if we carry it with us wherever we go. The happiness habit can be developed, with practice, just as surely as good piano playing or accurate pitching. We can control our own thoughts. The decision to make them happy ones is ours to make.

Am I carrying my happiness within me right now?

[Ann]

Melody Beattie who writes one of the other readings I post, once said something that stuck with me through my recovery, and what she said was that nobody else holds the key to our happiness, we do and have all along.

When I live in the "if only's" I shortchange myself because I am not dealing with "what is" and when I take time to do that, I am able to find what is right for me in my present circumstances, I am able to deal with what is before me, and I am happy. I can't change what was, and "if only" is an illusion, but accepting my reality is the first step in accepting and loving myself.

Hugs
Ann

[Grimnar]

Your post reminded me of this:

"I'll be happy when...

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation or when we retire. The truth is there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges.

It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with ... and remember that time waits for no one.


So, stop waiting ...

Until your car or home is paid off.
Until you get a new car or home.
Until your kids leave the house.
Until you go back to school.
Until you finish school.
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10 lbs.
Until you get married.
Until you get a divorce.
Until you have kids.
Until you retire.
Until summer.
Until spring.
Until winter.
Until fall.
Until you die."