Major, overwhelming ANGER I need some help with

[Litework]

Hey all,

Need to vent but I also need feedback and any help I can get!

I don't think there has been a moment in amy almost 5 1/2 years of recovery that I have been THIS ANGRY. I am not just angry, I am furious, pi**ed off, positively FUMING, and I have not been able to a) let it go b) turn it over to HP cause HP knows whats he's doing (supposedly) c) accept the situation c) understad it is SOMEONE ELSE who has a problem because I am doign the best I can with my program d) heal resentments... to make the list short, I have allowed this anger to consume me. heheheh it's no fun, believe me.

I will make a long story short: I let an ex-sponsee of mine go (I really never liked her much, but I figured if she asked me to be her sponsor, there was something for me to learn there) when she began dating my father-in-law (he's 55, she's 19) - for obvious reasons. Resentment began there, I guess. This girl wreaks havoc wherever she goes with her lies, manipultation, victim attitude, and ahe causes these huge messes whcih she turns around and makes her look like she's been wronged. Plus, she is EVIL. My father-in-law's ex is a good friend of mine and I have been helping her out after she relapsed - she's 28 days clean and trying to stand on her ow 2 feet without my a**hole father-in-law (who by the way, is 15 yrs into his sobriety and I have no idea HOW - the man is just a nasty specimen devoid of spiritual principles).

So this girl makes obscene phone calls, writes nasty e-mails, sleeps with everyone she can find behind my father-in-law's back, steals, lies.... and comes to meetings and people think she is just the poor little victim cause she LIES and LIES...

Anyhow, my resentment kept growing cause I just cannot stand really mean people who get away with it. I am a lover of justice and fairness and always rally to an underdog's aid - I cannot believe HP allows this kind of stuff to happen. But now, this girl is "invading" the only women's meeting we have here (going strong now after 2 years, but believe me, Brazilian men are NOT receptive to women owing their own space in recovery - sexism galore down here) and saying nasty things to cause discomfort, directed to certain people. Now I dont know about you guys, but if i had 28 days clean time and some bitch came around saying veiled and open mean things to me in a meeting, I dont know how much longer I'd be able to stay there...

So myself and the other trusted servants are pretty mad - I wrote an e-mail to the women who regularly go tou our meeting, with copies to our friends from Outreach - they helped us before and I hope they can do so again, regarding our 1st tradition...

But thw main thing here is I am positively ready to kick this girl down a flight of stairs or choke her until she cries, of just land her a couple of good pucnhes. I have been boxing for the past 3 years, but usually all my desire to physically HIT something stays at the gym... I have NEVER felt so consumed by my desire to injure someone!! Ugh, this thing just won't go away and I am totally obsessed. Liek I said, I suppose HP knows what he is doing, but I cannot conceive such vile people could be allowed to exist (dont get me wrong, I did my share of crap in active addiction but I dont have it in me to purposefully screw people) and kick people who are down... and not get srewed themselves. What happened to what goes around comes around? If life will not punish her then I will!

Jeez, I will not, but I need to say that here or I might be tempted.

I need solutions. Fast. Please - I really wnat to get back to my ususal self and think happy thoughts (hehehehh) I feel really stuck in this and its been going on for a couple of weeks now.

Really, thanks for letting me vent - I usually prefer to make positive contributions but at the moment I am impaired! hahahahahh So I really appreciate any feedback you guys might have on letting go and letting God, and anger management!

Lots of love, recovery and 24 more hours of sobriety and serenity to all of ya!

Juliana

[Ann]

Juliana

Your anger is hurting you more than she ever could, that's how resentments work at eating away at us.

She is not you, she is responsible for her actions, and my sugestion would be to let go of all that toxic anger and go about living your life in peace and in spite of her.

Hugs
Ann

[Jaguar0425]

I know this isn't what you want to hear right now but here goes...pray for her. Ask your higher power to show her the kind of peace and serenity you've found. It sounds impossible but it really does work. I know because I've been there.
You pray for her and we'll pray for you.

[later]

Sorry for your pain, and it does indeed sound like you are not to be messed with at the moment! If you and the others in your group all feel this way, why cannot you devote a meeting to confronting her? I agree with Jaguar to an extent, you've got to stand back and be more analytical about why she is being the way she is. She is obviously a very desperately unhappy person. She's expending a lot of energy in attacking others, she must have a lot of problems of her own that she can't face.

Can you and the rest of the group try and be supportive of her in your meeting by probing her to talk about what is bothering her so much that she feels the need to attack others? Since the purpose of meetings is not to criticize others but share your own struggles, perhaps a straightforward round-robin of each of you, saying that she is hurting you, and wondering why she feels so powerless to talk about her own problems, instead of all of yours, might be fruitful? Hate to be cynical, but at the very least, she may just be mollified enough to stifle herself!

Good luck, and hang in there!

[Don W]

Julianna, Can I suggest you get ahold of " Living Sober"? They have a chapter there about anger and resentments. Myself, I feel into every single trap then mention. Basicly, we can be rifght but, to act sometimes, Like Ann mentioned, takes a bigger toll on ourselves. Sort of like crossing the street when you have a walk sign. You can say to the oncomming speading car, "Hey I have the right of way." To stand your ground would make you right----but dead right. Like this girl, the driver could end up arrested and in jail but, who the the worst of it? Anger consumes me at times and by the sound you also. As far as your ex-father in law? Remember, there is more to recovery than not drinking. This girl is still sick and needing attention, to keep focus off herself. You and your friends are providing this. Remember, some feel bad attention is better that no attention. Like some suggested, say a prayer and move your focus back to your recovery and enjoying it. Don W

[historyteach]

Hmmm....reading this helped me quite a bit....
Thanks for sharing, Julianna; we never know who we help when we share our ESH.
Shalom!

[Litework]

Wow - thanks you guys. You have been immensely helpful! I will look that up in my copy of "living Sober," Don! I can't thank you enough for the art about the walk sign... I end up run over all too often! hehehhe

You guys are really great, thankyou for sharing your experiences and this has helped me focus back on myself rather than things that take up my energy uselessly (as if I had enough to go around wasting it!!!)

[hja1407]

Litework
I found a quote that remined me of your situation and thought that I would post it

As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you may not soar as you otherwise might.
Marian Anderson
I think that this applies to everyone in the aspect of everyday life. If we all continue to worry over everyone that we feel are wrong then we hold ourselves back from becoming what we are so justly capable of.
Heather

[Litework]

Wow, thanks - taht's an awesome quote - SO true, too!!


Juliana

[Evanna]

Punching someone out is always an option though.