Playing Catch Up and Change

[Don W]

I am finally back to work. I've got so much to catch up on. I have to say I'm a little dicouraged right now. This has set me back a little, and opened my eyes to the need to plan better. However, first I've got to clear some inside trash. I made a mistake back about a month ago. I can try blaming my wife and others but, I made the decision. Some of the side affects were getting to me from my medication. Although my wife complained about the side affects this was no reason to take myself off of the Paxil. In my mind I was trying to prove that my medication was making me tired and sexually unable to perform. Although this was proven my mind and attitude suffered. First was resorting to past behavior. I was upset with not being honest to you and others. How could I be so stupid to play doctor? Also, other parts of me suffered. I am putting myself back on the Paxil. However, I feel bad that I need it to help deal with life. I guess I hadn't accepted the fact of the chemical imbalance being real. I can't change what I've done and how I've acted. I must learn and a day at a time be honest and work at my life issues.
At least I didn't drink but, --- I don't even know. I just feel terrible right now. Don W

[tyler]

Talk to your doctor about other meds that might work for you. They don't all have the same side effects, you may be able to find something that works better for you.

[historyteach]

(((Don)))
Do not beat yourself up!
You've done nothing different than what thousands of others have done. And some side effects of medications are pretty hard to take.
So, have you spoken to your doctor about that side effect? There is another anti depressant that does not have that effect. It is not an SSRI. It's Welbutrin. There are two types. SR, which is used also to quit smoking, (labeled zyban for that purpose, an insurance thing), and XL. The XL is a one a day pill and is formulated especially for people with negative sexual effects stemming from anti depressants.
Please talk to your doctor. You and Debby do not have to suffer in silence. There is a better way to deal with your depression.
Thanks for opening up. You have no idea how many people suffer alone with this side effect, and do nothing about it. Your share will probably help many others here, Don.
Take good care of yourself.
Oh, and where is Debby's email address? I want to send that recipe!!!
Shalom, my friend!!!

[In memory of miracle]

Glad to see you back around! No worries on the med's Don, as long as you are getting back on. We live and learn, right?

[Don W]

Thanks, No I have not talked to my doctor about it. I am ashamed to say that I've been embarrased to do so. Then the loner I went without saying something, the harder it became. He kept asking if everything was OK. I kept saying yes, thinking only about not drinking. I guess a part of me didn't want him to change what was working.
And decided the side effects were a cheap price to pay. I know see that I was wrong in thinking only of my price. Debby was paying the price of me sleeping late and often. Also, I now find out that she was mistaken my lack of ability as a deminished intrest in her. I've been wrong. She's been right, although I have trouble with it. I was spending money, deciding what was best and in short, making decisions on my terms. Then I made matters worse by not being honest. I then felt guilty and resorted to spending money to make myself feel better. I used to do that drinking also. Anyway, I'm going to go and do what they pay me for--- work. One decision at a time, try and make better decisions. Don W

[In memory of miracle]

Happens Don... I often take my will back and indulge in some behavior that I thought was "gone". So much for perfection, right? *LOL*.

[Don W]

I've been thinking about our posts on this subject. I've decided that to put myself back on the Paxil after being off for a month could also be playing doctor. I have called my VA counselor, after a deep breath, and left a message about what I've done.
I mentioned about the side affects also. I wanted to make the call before I talked myself out of it. The probem is that they walked me 10mg to 20mg to the 40mg I take now. Even if I brake the pill in half I'm starting at 20mg. I also stopped at every other mens room on the way to work due " that" side effect. While removing myself I also had to sleep in other room due to the nightmares. I am not a doctor, going back on at a large dosage might have even worse results. I am going to face the music at the VA and let them decide the best course. Like some have suggested, they might decide to start me back up on a new medication. Somebody once mentioned a medication called "Paxil something, something" I can't remember. Anyway, am I doing something right. I was also feeling guilty about misleading the VA doctors and counselors, having them think I was following instructions and being honest about taking my medications.
Either way, I made the call so it's out of my hands---which might be a good thing?
Don W

[In memory of miracle]

Absolutley a good thing Don ! Tell Mrs. Don I said hello!
Think that med is Paxil ER, ( extended release )

[Hopefloats]

Don, I just stumbled over to this forum this morning. Sometimes I "peek" in as my home is nar-anon.. (I need to get out more..lol)
Anyway..this thread caught my eye. As a Lupus patient, you can imagine the medications that I have had to try. No matter what our disease, if we are taking meds, there can be side-effects. The side-effects can be really hard.

Do not feel bad about talking to your doctor. You are taking a pro-active step in your overall care This is really important. Years ago, I tried Prozac, for depression. I felt like I could committ some bad offense on that drug! I remember it making me feel crazy and I was afraid to tell anyone...BUT I chose to. Right OFF that drug I went. Today I cannot take any of the antidepressants because I have horrible reactions to them. BUT, I worked with my doctor, and you can too.

I guess I want you to know that by telling your doctor and stepping forward with this, is something you can feel proud of. I have to stay pro-active with my disease. It really is the way to good health.

I wish you the very best...
Hopefloats