Let them-

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
--Herbert Spencer

We sometimes wish we could protect friends or loved ones from the consequences of their actions. We'd like to pick up the pieces after they've made a mess of their lives. Or we fail to look at the dark side of someone's motives because we want only the best. Perhaps it is our controlling willfulness that tries to make things into what we want, rather than accepts things as they really are.

In our recovery, a deeper love allows us to have a respectful distance from others. When we truly care about someone, we don't snatch him or her out of his or her learning experience. When we allow our loved ones and friends to confront the natural consequences of their own actions, they learn and grow just as we do. We can be with a friend, but we are no one's Higher Power.

Today, I will be respectful of others by letting them walk their path while I walk mine.

[historyteach]

Beautiful, Doug;
The recognition of this attribute of mine, that "controlling willfulness" is something that took me a very long time to recognize. As the mom of an addict, I wanted to protect my son. I didn't. I hurt him by interfering. When he could have been dealing with the consequences of his actions, I was "protecting" him.

You know, there are many times I say, "G*D, save me from those who want to protect me from myself."
I think I need to add..."Save others from my protection."

I'm learning...
Shalom!

[Ann]

In our recovery, a deeper love allows us to have a respectful distance from others.

It has taken me a long time to recognize that it can take more love to let go than it takes to jump in and try to fix things for people I care about.

This is even more difficult when I can see the darkness awaiting them ahead, and I have to let them find their own way in and out of that darkness, just as I had to find my own way. I watched for years as my son made bad choices, and, like Teach, tried to save him from himself, and all that ever did was take me into the darkness with him rather than draw him into my light.

Even today, when I know that he is still going deeper into his darkness, I can only keep my candle lit and hope one day it is enough for him to find his own way back. It's probably the hardest thing a codie can ever learn to do, and it doesn't always get easier, but it is always the right thing to do.

When we allow our loved ones and friends to confront the natural consequences of their own actions, they learn and grow just as we do. We can be with a friend, but we are no one's Higher Power.

Just for today, I will remember that I am not anyone's Higher Power, and trust that their own Higher Power will watch over them. That takes a lot of faith, but it is better than responding in fear.

Hugs
Ann

[Gabe]

Doug, anytime you want to quit peeping in my windows and come in for coffee buddy, you know?
Jeeze, talk about just what I needed to read.
And Ann, yeah, yeah, and yeah.
It's hard to let people we love walk through their darkness.
But it's the only way they are going to find their light.
We can't find it for them, they have to find it themselves.