I'm beginning to scare myself!!

[Jaguar0425]

Hi everyone. I'm so glad you all are still here. I've been having thoughts of drinking again. I've been working hard on my program, going to meetings, doing the steps, dailey contact with my sponser and others in the program. Somehow, right after I celebrated 1 year sober the obsession returned. Last night I was very close to drinking. I called a friend and we talked. I promised to give it a week. She asked me to rethink my decision in a week. I told her I can do that. This morning I realized that I don't want to go back there and I almost did!! I'm really scared.

[Dan]

Originally Posted by Jaguar0425

She asked me to rethink my decision in a week. I told her I can do that.

It's so nice to see you again!
There's a powerful lesson in the words I can do that.
It's no different to drink after a substantial amount of sober time.
It's still endsville.
Welcome back to the family, and congratulations on a year of freedom!

[Jaguar0425]

Thanks Dan - I'm glad to be back. I feel better today then I did yesterday....and if I don't drink today I'll feel even better tomorrow. I know that. I pray constantly to have the obsession removed. I'll be alright as long as I do the next right thing. Thanks again for responding.....it was just what I needed.

[Dan]

Originally Posted by Jaguar0425

I pray constantly to have the obsession removed.

Oh I know the feeling. I few short months ago, I was fond of saying that the obsession has lifted. And maybe it had, for all I know. But inside, something was at work, and I didn't pay attention.

So when I told you it's still endsville, it's from recent experience.
Redouble your efforts. I don't know what you do to stay sober, but if after a year, you're finding yourself vulnerable, then it's your responsibility to act. And don't delay Jag. Because all there is at the bottom of that bottle is pain.

[Time2Surrender]

I am glad you fought off the cravings.Keep working your program and praying.I have my cravings too,but I know the end result.Thats the part I never wanna forget.

[Time2Surrender]

Heres a link for something I have spent hours and hours putting together.It sure has helped me.Relapse and Relapse Prevention

[namommy]

1st,- Congrats on 1 year. That's awesome.

2nd,- Congrats on ratting out your disease. That's even more awesome.

Our heads will talk to us sometimes, the important thing to remember is we don't have to listen to what they are saying. Today, I follow direction from my sponsor, not my disease.

and, you are right, keep doing the next right thing and you will be OK.

[lulu70]

I think about drinking quite often, really. And what always seems to help me the most is to "play the tape all the way to the end." I know where a drink will lead me. I know the insanity that comes with even a sip. Drinking will set loose that monster which I have worked so hard to keep caged. What could I possibly be missing by not drinking? NOTHING!!!! There is nothing I can do when drinking that I can't do when not drinking. Absolutely nothing. And there are millions of things I can do when not drinking that could not be accomplished with alcohol in my life.

You are doing all the right things. I think this time right after getting a year can be pretty hard for a lot of people. (I had a year in Feb.) We just cannot ever let our guard down.

Glad you posted about it!!!

Thanks for sharing.

Hugs--

[Jaguar0425]

I am so grateful to have this program to come to. It still amazes me that a bunch of people who know nothing about me, other then I'm an alcoholic, really care that I'm in pain. It's a beautiful thing. I truly hope that I can give back as much as I get.
I do feel better. I don't think too much about drinking. I did start smoking again though. I quit at 6 months sober. I seemed to be doing well. I realized that the thoughts of drinking were partially caused by my craving a cigarette. I hate smoking but it's the lessor of two evils....so I've been told by my sponser and others in my home group. I think I hate smoking more then I hated drinking. I would like to one day quit for good. I think it's just not the right time.
Again......Thank You!!