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06-24-2005, 05:54 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member  | Goodbye.
I can't come on SR anymore. It is killing me to post this. It finally came out that my husband didn't try very hard to help me come up with money to go to New York because he hates that I come on here. He feels I spend more time on recovery and SR than I do with my family. He just walked out calling me a selfish b*tch. I will miss you all, and I love you all. Thanks for being here for me. Laurie.
__________________  I came into this program to save my a** and found out it was attached to my soul. -- Anonymous |
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06-24-2005, 06:02 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| All in God's Hands  Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Texas
Posts: 81
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namommy I am so sorry for what is going on. Please don't leave because of him. what I really wish to say is not nice so I will not post it for fear of upsetting you, just know that i and probably everyone else are here for you. Heather
__________________ You do not get to chose how you are going to die or when. You can only decide how you are going to live. Joan Baez Where there is great love there are always miracles. Sarah Knowles Bolton |
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06-24-2005, 06:15 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Not all better, getting better  |
I hope you don't go. I know your posts have greatly helped a lot of people and I think probably have helped you too. Perhaps maybe you just need to limit your time here a bit instead of dropping it completely. I can understand how a spouse could feel somewhat "in competation" with recovery as it is such an all emcompassing thing. There are only so many hours in a day to spread around. I hope your husband can understand that if you "lose" your recovery he will lose you too. Maybe you just need to strive for more "ballance" in your life, though that can be a truly difficult goal sometimes. I wish you the best and hope you will stick around.
__________________ Peace and Love, Tyler "I used to do a little but a little wouldn't do it so a little got more and more. I just keep tryin' to get a little better, said a little better than before." Mr. Brownstone G-n-R Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh  |
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06-24-2005, 06:22 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Administrator  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 22,813
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Namommy, I am so sorry that things didn't work out for you. I know how hard it is to feel like your needs are always being put behind everyone else's. I hope you will stay, you have so much to offer. Love, Anna
__________________  And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver |
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06-24-2005, 06:29 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Psalm 118:24  |
IMO when he's calm sit down with him and talk it over. You're on here helping your self and others. Isn't this better then being in a bar or running down dope? There can be a happy medium reached. LOL This is my only hobby next to sailing and base ball and lyin around in my pool well then there's the comedy clubs and of course I like to rent movies. Q. how many hours are you on here? Is housework etc. being neglected? Are you eating supper in front of your monitor? PS wait till he's not home and sneak in 
__________________ LIFE IS GOD'S GIFT TO YOU  WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE IS YOUR GIFT TO GOD J - Jesus first O - Others next Y - Yourself last John 14:6 |
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06-24-2005, 06:41 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Detroit MI
Posts: 51
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Um your husband sounds like a jerk. Well he's being jerk. If this site is helping you then tell him to take flying f*** off a bridge sideways. He shouldn't have controll over what you do. I think you should stay.
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06-24-2005, 07:25 PM
| #10 (permalink) | |
| Member  | Quote:
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06-24-2005, 07:38 PM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Greatful Sober Biker  Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Cottonwood AZ.
Posts: 521
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namommy, Your recovery comes first. If it wasn't for you going to meetings and comming here to SR where would you be? Back out there getting high or worse.  Don't leave we need you and your ESH.
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06-24-2005, 08:03 PM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: May 2005 Location: Tyler, Texas
Posts: 1,029
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i hope I don't upset you more by saying this. My ex manipulated me a lot with guilt and so on and so forth to control me. This ounds so much like manipulation to control you. I really hope you stay. I am so sorry I know how bad you can feel when someone makes you feel guilty because you start gaining control over your own life. Please stay there are so many worse things you could do to hurt your family than come to SR.
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06-24-2005, 08:28 PM
| #14 (permalink) |
| Let go and let God Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: illinois
Posts: 116
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Namommy, I know how you feel. Our spouses are threatened by our sobriety. It is the devil trying to get you back into the old behaviors. Dont let him win. You need to do what you need to do and let God take care of the rest. Stay. It is your choice. Jeff
__________________ It is not important how short life is but how long eternity is!!!!  |
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06-24-2005, 08:37 PM
| #15 (permalink) |
| You're never alone!!  Join Date: May 2003 Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,190
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Hey there, please don't go, if you won't stay for yourself, please stay for those who really need you here, and there are ALOT of people who do... My husband does the same thing to me. He even does that with meetings, if it interfere's with his time after work, and it always does, so sometimes when I have gone, I feel very guilty when I leave, but it goes away after I'm gone, but I ALWAYS have to come immediately home, or leave early. When the others always go out for coffee or whatever to chat at a local restaurant, not me. But that's ok, I can give that, sometimes it makes me a bit angry though. I know, I fear being on the computer when he walks in after work, then it's like I'm afraid he's looking around tio make sure I did enough during the day. Lately I have been here alot.... But I need to be, so heck with him... Please don't go. Don't let him do this. Will he calm down and change his thinking?? Is he in recovery? I guess not huh, or he'd understand more. I hope and pray you come back. Love, Becky
__________________  ™Don't tell God how BIG your addiction is, tell your addiction, how BIG our GOD is!! Jesus is our teacher and he is our Savior, who takes our prayers and makes them his own. :praying |
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06-24-2005, 08:46 PM
| #16 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: out there...
Posts: 2,654
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Laurie. You know what the first thing that came to my mind was..? He resents the time and enthusiasm you set aside for SR. Do you know what teh 2nd thought was.... counter manipulation on your part. "I"ll show him! I'll just quit coming to SR entirely. I've heard "that damn computer" more times than I want to remember..... until I practiced the deliberate action of turning toward her and asking "what is it that you want?" I guess getting caught up in the moment I hadn't relilzed how many times I had automatically replied "just a second..." Yes we are in recovery and there are things that are important to us that make no sense whatsoever to our significant ones. At the same time I alwasy try to remember that one of the rewards of my recovery is that I have my significant ones in my life today. I doubt I'll get high if I log off the computer for a few hrs, or if gasp I don't go to 2 meetings a day and fill a dozen service positions. I believe that the rooms and teh fellwship are a wonderful training ground for "becoming responsible and productive" but recovery is a 24/7 event and I can find it anywhere I go if I am looking. Please don't say goodbye ....... say so long. Take a break, come back when the obsession has lifted. |
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06-24-2005, 11:51 PM
| #17 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Posts: 88
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Don't leave entirly NAmommy, I like reading your posts and you have helped me with them when I was going through rough times. I really like wat Gooch said too, take a break and come back later. (((Hugs))) |
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06-25-2005, 04:22 AM
| #18 (permalink) |
| Community Greeter  Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,928
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Namommy you are a huge part of SR don't let him bully out of it sis. I hope you can come back and we'll be waiting. hugs indie
__________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté  |
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06-25-2005, 06:53 AM
| #19 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: state of confusion
Posts: 16
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Laurie/Namommy, your posts have been very helpful to me. I don't post much; I prefer to lurk first thing in the mornings and read things that help me to stay focused on my recovery during the day. (In May I came to the conclusion that hydrocodone was ruling my life and turning me into a person that I couldn't respect. I am the mother of two teenaged children) Please take what I say with a grain of salt since I don't know you or your husband, but I have been married nearly 20 years, so I know how tough marriage can be. Add recovery to the mix and it gets even harder! Your husband sounds selfish and manipulative in this instance. A bit harsh, I know, but you're going through a very trying time and he doesn't seem to be supporting you, he seems to be undermining your recovery. I mean, it's not like you're online looking at porn for hours a day. Is counseling a possibility? |
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06-25-2005, 07:32 AM
| #20 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: QVB NYC NY
Posts: 620
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we are selfish bitches/bastards NA mommy, before we found recovery we were selfish for the wrong reasons, today in recovery i am selfish for my own life. my life consists of being there for others, but i can't do this without being there for me first! i was totally hookd on sr when i first found it 2 some odd years ago, i would rush home from a meeting and log on. after awhile i would skip meetings and fool myself into thinking that cyber meetings were all i needed. for me it didn't work, i needed real time face to face stuff more than cyber stuff.... getting to the point........ there is a balance, today i can be on sr, do me real time stuff, and have a life outside the program, granted the program is always with me. do as gooch suggests. p.s. i loved the way almost everyone jumped on the bandwagon and trashed your hubby before hearing his side of the story! aren't we alchy's and addicts great! little suggestion people, TAKE IT EASY, LOL |
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06-25-2005, 08:00 AM
| #21 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: May 2004 Location: In the mountain air
Posts: 1,345
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Gooch has made a point that I agree with...Mike has commented before about the amount of time I spend here. And I did the same thing you did, at first - said I wouldn't come here at all. It wasn't what either of us wanted. I didn't want to leave, and he didn't want me to - he realized that this place has done amazing things for me, and because of that, amazing things for our relationship. What we did finally do was reach a compromise that we both could be happy with. I still spend a lot of time here, but I also make more time for him...I don't just say "well, it's no fun watching you watch people play poker on tv, so why shouldn't I do something I like" anymore. Not quite the same, I'm sure, as your situation, but my point is, he felt like this was before him, I felt like he didn't want me here but didn't want to change anything he was doing either. I don't know what to tell you, other than there can be room in your life to have SR, and have your husband content with what time you spend with family...I'd hate to have you leave completely. Please reconsider. There is a solution besides "one or the other" - there is always another way. Loads of love, Trisha
__________________ Faith... When you come to the end of all the light you know and you are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly. |
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06-25-2005, 09:16 AM
| #22 (permalink) |
| Don't get undies in a bunch  Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,166
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Balance
__________________ * I asked God to spare me pain. God said "No", Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.  Recovery Related Acronym B. E. S. T. = Been Enjoying Sobriety Today? |
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06-25-2005, 11:44 AM
| #24 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: May 2004 Location: Our house.
Posts: 816
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I have been through this with my husband. Not about the time spent on recovery forums but about the time i was spending on car forums, meets and shows. He claimed that i was putting all my time, energy and money into this with very little left for my family. I was very resistent to this and pretty angry that he should call me. But he was right and what he said was true. Furthermore he didnt want me to give up everything that was important to me. He simply wanted a little more consideration on my part towards our family life. Goodness knows he didnt want me under his feet 24/7 anymore than i wanted to be there! But me i am a controlling cow sometimes and have an all or nothing approach to most things in my life. So i wasnt hearing. In the end it only took a little bit of give on my part to restore just a little balance. I still do my thing....i simply remember to stop every now and then.
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