Which addiction is worse?

[findinganewme]

I was just sitting here wondering which of my addictions is harder to overcome.

They're all difficult, of course! Alcohol got me here .... drugs enhanced it .... but the hardest addiction to overcome for me is *LOVE*! I know, sounds silly, but I'm not quite sure I believe in it anymore. Is it best to be a dreamer or a realist?

Just me rambling!

Would welcome any comments.

[Carchick4life]

I stopped beliving in love a hell of a long time ago. I really don't think humanity and love fit together. Most relationships don't work out. People are to selfish to be in love. And I've never seen any examples of actul love, ever. The only thing so called love brings, in my opinion is pain. Because love doesn't exsist and if you want and bealive in the impossible...well your in for a rude awaking. Beign a dreamer? I think its dumb. Might as well wake up and smell the roses, not live in a fantasy land. The world is a harsh place. The sooner you learn that and know it the better.

[historyteach]

Life can indeed be a harsh place.
It can also be beautiful.
It all depends upon where we put our focus. We have choices in life. I can depress at the evil that is real and is manifest on a daily basis. I can wallow in hurt. I can shut out any good life has to offer.
Or, I can look at the sunrise and marvel at the wonders of this world. I can reach out to another in pain, and find myself feeling better. I can touch another's life, and know what real love is.
It's all about choices. Everyone has to make them. And whatever choices you make will determine the satisfaction, joy, and love you have in your life.
I pray you will make the right choices in your life.
Because your life depends upon it.
Shalom, friend!

[findingout]

findinganewme,

Why just one or the other? I think it is best to be a realist and a dreamer. But wait, I see a nail and I've got a hammer for it

{insert word of choice}, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

The world we live in is indeed a harsh place. There is ugliness to be found all around us. Other people are not always (ok, I'll even give you rarely) what we want them to be. And why should they be? Are we always what they want us to be? I know I am not.

If you do not believe in love, do you believe in hate? How can you have one without the other? How can you have ugliness without beauty? How can you expect the world to change for the better if you don't dream of a better world? How can you expect your life to change for the better if you don't dream of a better life?

Or maybe I missed the point (again ). You didn't provide a definition of what you meant by *LOVE*.

One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless,
Tony

[Ann]

I think love is a beautiful thing, between two people who mutually respect each other and where there is a balance of giving and taking by each.

Relationships can bring us pain when we have expectations of each other that cannot be met. If we expect another person to change in any way, we are already in trouble. If we are not getting as much as we are giving in any relationship, it's not likely to make us happy for long. And if our only hope for a relationship is how it "might be" instead of how "it is", we are inviting disappointment.

Our relationships tend to be healthy only when we ourselves are healthy and able to choose wisely. And, if we are healthy and the relationship should end, we can accept our loss, feel the pain, and move on without losing our selves in the process.

I believe in love, in dreams, and in hope. I believe in all the good things life can bring me, and I believe that if I keep myself healthy and make good choices in my life, that there will be more joy and less pain and each day will be worth living.

Hugs
Ann

[Time2Surrender]

Originally Posted by Carchick4life

I stopped beliving in love a hell of a long time ago. I really don't think humanity and love fit together. Most relationships don't work out. People are to selfish to be in love. And I've never seen any examples of actul love, ever. The only thing so called love brings, in my opinion is pain. Because love doesn't exsist and if you want and bealive in the impossible...well your in for a rude awaking. Beign a dreamer? I think its dumb. Might as well wake up and smell the roses, not live in a fantasy land. The world is a harsh place. The sooner you learn that and know it the better.

Sorry,I dont buy it.I been burned several times.I still havent given up.I know God has the right woman out there for me somewhere.And in Gods time it will happen.In the mean time I will keep working on myself.

Originally Posted by Ann

I think love is a beautiful thing, between two people who mutually respect each other and where there is a balance of giving and taking by each.

Relationships can bring us pain when we have expectations of each other that cannot be met. If we expect another person to change in any way, we are already in trouble. If we are not getting as much as we are giving in any relationship, it's not likely to make us happy for long. And if our only hope for a relationship is how it "might be" instead of how "it is", we are inviting disappointment.

Our relationships tend to be healthy only when we ourselves are healthy and able to choose wisely. And, if we are healthy and the relationship should end, we can accept our loss, feel the pain, and move on without losing our selves in the process.

I believe in love, in dreams, and in hope. I believe in all the good things life can bring me, and I believe that if I keep myself healthy and make good choices in my life, that there will be more joy and less pain and each day will be worth living.

Hugs
Ann

Great reply Ann.

[BaBa OReiley]

who ever said love has to involve a partner?

but in that sense...... i believe love exists, but i also believe most of the time it is confused with infatuation, not to be confused with flatulation of course!

for me love is unconditional, to unthoughtlessly give of yourself to another without any rewards or accalades. (yes i meant to use the word unthoughtlessly, think about it!)

hmmmm, sounds a little like spirituality doesn't it?

coincidence?


but i wouldn't consider what i believe love to be, to be an addiction. or even be addictive? it's an emotion and a state of mind for me.

[findinganewme]

Originally Posted by findingout

How can you expect the world to change for the better if you don't dream of a better world? How can you expect your life to change for the better if you don't dream of a better life?

Or maybe I missed the point (again ). You didn't provide a definition of what you meant by *LOVE*.

One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless,

Tony

NO NO Tony, you didn't miss the point ..... actually you hit it right on!

That is the reason I could NEVER give up on LOVE ..... I'm too much of a DREAMER!

The context in which I was referring to in my use of LOVE was in a *relationship*! I know now that I cannot allow a *relationship* to define ME! There's more to life and there is much more to LOVE in life. I just have to remain focused and not get sidetracked by that fairy-tale notion of that romantic (OOOOOH!) love ..... although I believe it exists; I just cannot allow it to CONSUME me. It's just an addiction like my others that can destroy ME!

Thank you Tony, for your insight and wisdom (as always!)

Thanks ALL too for your comments. Hopefully, we can all learn how to LOVE ourselves and not allow outside forces to determine who we should be!

God BLESS!
Maria

[findinganewme]

Originally Posted by BaBa_OReiley

who ever said love has to involve a partner?

but in that sense...... i believe love exists, but i also believe most of the time it is confused with infatuation, not to be confused with flatulation of course!

for me love is unconditional, to unthoughtlessly give of yourself to another without any rewards or accalades. (yes i meant to use the word unthoughtlessly, think about it!)

hmmmm, sounds a little like spirituality doesn't it?

coincidence?


but i wouldn't consider what i believe love to be, to be an addiction. or even be addictive? it's an emotion and a state of mind for me.

Yes, you are right .... it is an EMOTION ..... and I have allowed myself to be consumed by INFATUATION (not flatulation) .... *believing* that *THIS* was LOVE .... but when it is not equally felt ..... LEARNED AN IMPORTANT LESSON .... MOVE ON! You cannot FORCE or change the other person's feelings. If it doesn't feel right after giving it a try .... listen to your heart ..... move on!!!!!!!!!!!! (even if it hurts like hell) .... if not, the pain will just get much worse!

Yes, does sound like spirtuality (another area which I have been lacking) ..... and NO, don't think it to be a coincedence!!!

Thanks for your thought-provoking words!!!

Maria

[findinganewme]

These lyrics, by Joni Mitchell depict my life, SADLY, so PERFECTLY!!!! They were sent to me by a dear friend who knows of my plight. I thought I’d share them because there’s a great message in these lyrics that enlightened my day and hope it does yours!!!!!!!<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

"I was driving across the burning desert
When I spotted six jet planes
Leaving six white vapor trails across the bleak terrain
It was the hexagram of the heavens
it was the strings of my guitar
Amelia, it was just a false alarm

The drone of flying engines
Is a song so wild and blue
It scrambles time and seasons if it gets thru to you
Then your life becomes a travelogue
Of picture-post-card-charms
Amelia, it was just a false alarm

People will tell you where they've gone
They'll tell you where to go
But till you get there yourself you never really know
Where some have found their paradise
Other's just come to harm
Oh Amelia, it was just a false alarm

I wish that he was here tonight
It's so hard to obey
His sad request of me to kindly stay away
So this is how I hide the hurt
As the road leads cursed and charmed
I tell Amelia, it was just a false alarm

A ghost of aviation
She was swallowed by the sky
Or by the sea, like me she had a dream to fly
Like Icarus ascending
On beautiful foolish arms
Amelia, it was just a false alarm

Maybe I've never really loved
I guess that is the truth
I've spent my whole life in clouds at icy altitude
And looking down on everything
I crashed into his arms
Amelia, it was just a false alarm

I pulled into the Cactus Tree Motel
To shower off the dust
And I slept on the strange pillows of my wanderlust
I dreamed of 747s
Over geometric farms
Dreams, Amelia, dreams and false alarms"

"Amelia" - Joni Mitchell

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Yes, I fell into HIS ARMS, while trying to find *MYSELF* .... and because of the need to *be loved", I assumed, or I WANTED to believe, that THIS is LOVE! GOD, how wrong I was. For three years I tried to change an alcoholic and somehow got sucked into his addictions thinking that was the way to get him to love me (not really what I was feeling at the time .... but, in retrospect, I see it clearly NOW)!<o:p></o:p>

And, like any addiction, we seem to always want to GO BACK; and stupidly, after 6 months of sleepless nights, withdrawals, endless days and nights of crying, I GO BACK TO HIM ..... to be hurt again! And, after a night of drinking decided to go to him once more .... to be pushed away and told not to return! DAMN, that hurt. Don't know whether it hurt my heart of my self pride most!<o:p></o:p>

I know that it's NOT real love and I've tried to rationalize it and although my mind tells me stay away and that it's just an infatuation and that it's wanting what we CANNOT have that is driving me, my heart is harder to convince.<o:p></o:p>

I KNOW I can NEVER return to him and have moved on ..... but evenings are lonely and the temptation grande!<o:p></o:p>

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I MUST get on with my life and create NEW POST CARDS in my travelogue! SIGH!

Thank you *dear friend* (you know who you are) for sharing these amazing words!!!!

Much love to ALL,
Maria
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