Emotional Relocation.

[Dan]

Most of us may have heard of geographical relocation. The concept has its advocates and also its detractors.

What about emotional relocation? Just for me, I know that my drinking and using was first and foremost to run away from myself. If I didn't like something, someone, of the way I felt at any given moment, I acted on it the best way I knew how, or I planned the next opportunity to do so. It's what I did.
Nope, don't wanna deal with this. Better blow it out of my mind right away.

So I finally find a way and the willingness to sober up. Yay!
And all the same things, people, and emotions I used to run away from are still there.
'xcept they're magnified large now, 'cause I'm conscious

Sober for a bit, and I'm just now only stopping to 'act out' in some of these situations. Make no mistake; I think some of us continue to exhibit addict/ alcoholic behavior long after the last call. I sure do.

So I was thinking that emotional relocation, or a re-shaping of my outlook and expectations is probably a good thing.

Yeah Dan, that's what the twelve steps are for...

I know.

What about the brothers and sisters who do it without the steps?
Let's all share how we get a handle on what made us do the things we did.
Or still do, for that matter.

[exzim]

Thank you for posting this Dan.

If there is a way for me to relocate - geographically, emotionally, mentally and even physically - I have done it. And if I'm honest I still do it - but thankfully to a lesser extent now.

I must live in the moment, work through the pain and face everything head on, that life brings me. It's just so much easier to escape for a short while!!

Maggie

[In memory of miracle]

Therapy and lot's of it!

[wantneeda]

This is the first example that comes to mind for me...
When i was going from detox to treatment...i had to travel from a small town to the city that i did all my using in...i was so scared!!! Honestly, as soon as i saw the city looming up large in the distance i started having an anxiety attack. My councilor who was driving told me Wendy, You're not going to Regina...you're going to the center. That helped.It changed my perspective and kept me on track of what my purpose was.
To me that was the beginning of relocating emotionally.
Today i can take what people say with agrain of salt and not get all bent out of shape...or at least bend myself back somewhat when i realize what i'm doing. For example my ex...i used to have screaming matches on the phone with him. Today i can relocate my emotions and remember that he is a sick person, he doesn't have the knowledge and tools i've learned along the journey i've found myself. I can sooner get a grip on my emotions and simply end the conversation instead of making myself crazy.
Yep, a work in progress. Do I still exhibit my old tactics...absolutely, the difference is i can see it!!
\\//Wendy

[splendra]

One thing that keeps me located Dan is to realize it is my own thinking that will either make or break me and nobody else is going to make me change and I can't make anyone else change.

I took my mind out of the witness protection program and saw that what I was running from is long gone...

[Ann]

I think that codependents like me do much the same thing, only substance was never the burial ground to hide our pain.

Before recovery, I never knew what to do with pain except to feel it, and most tmes it just hurt too much. So I found ways to bury it or deny it by distracting myself with something that felt good but that often was not particularly healthy. Or I would deny my own problems by focusing on someone else's, as is very common for codies like me. I spent many years trying to separate my son from his addiction and the more I focused on his pain, the less I acknowledged my own.

Like exzim, I have learned to acknowledge my pain, face it head on and work my way through it. I see it for what it is today, and have tools now to find a healthy way to deal with it and be done with it.

And today when I choose to do things that feel good, I make healthy choices and have added a new dimension to my life that is positive and where I can be happy. There will always be pain in my life, life is just like that, but today I can balance it with gratitude for all that is good.

Hugs
Ann

[Chy]

Boy that's how I justified it on a daily basis. All in my head 24/7 whatever ailed me or made me happy (which wasn't often) I found it to be emotionally fulfilling (so I thought). Though I don't have any horrors of my past I tried to escape from it was simply myself I was running from and alcohol gave me a daily reprieve from that constant running.

[lonlion]

Great thread, lots to think about.

I love the "took my mind out of the witness protection plan".

Have a great day my friends
Diana

[Chy]

Originally Posted by DangerousDan

:
What about the brothers and sisters who do it without the steps?

I think this will be the umpteenth time this week I've mentioned this, but What about the sober non-AA? Hell I applaud them am happy for them, ask them how they did it, how they can help another with no interest in AA, share it, but mostly just damn happy they did it .. no matter the way.

[Phinneas]

Emotional Relocation - awesome! For me, it's not that I don't still go there (getting stuck in the problem, thoughts spinning in my head, emotional overload, feelings of doubt, self-pity, unworthiness, etc.), it's that I don't stay there as long. I know how to get out of these feelings when they arise. I use the tools of recovery like prayer, meditation, journaling, calling my sponsor or a recovery friend, reading a spiritual book, or just distracting myself with something positive like exercise or cleaning my house. Breaking it down to a simple two-step process, it means 1) asking g-d for a shift in my thinking / feeling / attitude, and then 2) reaching out to help someone else. Taking the focus off of myself is huge. And, this is a great example of the choice we all have as to whether to stay in the problem or to live the solution.

One of my first CD councelors used to always say, "An addict stuck in her head is is a baaad neighborhood." So, so true.

--phinny

[Kahlia]

Well, this is a great topic. I would just LEAVE, really. Wherever I was at, Just LEAVE. I never dealt with anything, too hurtful and I never wanted to cry, too painful and too emotional. Always the strong girl.....WRONG. I went through a very intense therapy program for survivors of homicide etc. It MADE me look at my emotions. I had NO other choice but to start talking and kept doing it until I am now done with all the OLD baggage. I have put the bags away.....YEA. Thank you for letting me remember the old times......kahlia

[wantneeda]

Here's another one..
I heard this at a meeting
My head is like an apartment building...for those i'm giving my power away to(those nasty resentments) I've learned to give an eviction notice...they don't pay rent!
I know Dan, i too kept trying to run from myself but every where i went there I was!!!
And ya, nothing has changed out in the 'real world'.
I'm learning to take the T off of can't!!