Relationships with OTHER addicts etc.....

[Kahlia]

I need opinions.....I have found that I am attracted toa certain person that is also in recovery....it JUST happened, we have a lot in common, he is sensitive, kind, thoughtful and very funny. I am not a NEEDY person.....I know that we can find ourselves in a situation that is not healthy BUT I have definate feelings for this person. I have been clean for 5 years, I am stable, I am self-assured-not arrogant. I am glad that I met this person as he has made me laugh when I needed to cry and made me feel better. He has given me wisdom and hope about many things.....we got into a little converstion that was starting to...well OK it did, get sexual. It was not crude, very subtle and VERY sexy. I was Ok with it when I usually would be FREAKED as I was sexually abused....I think the relationship needs to go to a further level.....I have written a letter to this person telling him he can talk to me as a friend.....I hope he responds as I feel that maybe he is pulling back and is a bit scared. I was ALWAYS the one to "leave". I was the one who NEVER could let anyone get close....now I find myself in this position....we all have our issues, I certainly have mine but I am happy with who I am today.....INPUT, PLEASE???? I hope he emails me as I just want to know here we stand.....kahlia

[splendra]

((((Kahlia))))

You can move slow with this. Take care of yourself and, a prayer or two about it might help too....

[FriendofBill]

A few questions I would as myself when starting a new relationship with an addict/alcoholic:

1. Whats his clean time? (For me, at least a year, minimum)
2. Am I aware of red flags that tell me if he is/isnt emotionally available?
3. What is my intuition telling me about this person?
4. What are my motives?
5. Am I pushing things too fast to get that instant gratification?
6. Do I know how to proceed slowly in order to actually get to know this person and accpet him just as he is?
7. Am I listening to his words, or his behaviors? (The 2 sometimes do not match)

Hope this helps! GOod luck

[Kahlia]

Originally Posted by FriendofBill

A few questions I would as myself when starting a new relationship with an addict/alcoholic:

1. Whats his clean time? (For me, at least a year, minimum)
2. Am I aware of red flags that tell me if he is/isnt emotionally available?
3. What is my intuition telling me about this person?
4. What are my motives?
5. Am I pushing things too fast to get that instant gratification?
6. Do I know how to proceed slowly in order to actually get to know this person and accpet him just as he is?
7. Am I listening to his words, or his behaviors? (The 2 sometimes do not match)

Hope this helps! GOod luck

Bill-Thanks and I am Listening, watching, waiting and NOT seeing anything unhealthy from him. He has been clean 15 years...works his program and stays out of mine!!! We are going VERY slow...snail's pace....that is OK....I am OK....just got a little freaked out about a relationship-I never was very good at them.....ACOA......err.....Kahlia