I'm back with my head hung low - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

erino134 · 04-26-2005, 09:56 AM

I was on this board a lot a few months ago. I detoxed from a huge vicodin habit with suboxone. Life was really chugging along so well. I felt good, really good.

Then for absolutely no reason that makes any sense, I went off the sub so I could go back on the vicodin. If you take vicodin while you are on the sub you don't get to feel it at all. So I took myself off "temporarily"

Ok, it has been about 3 weeks and several hundred pills later. I'm back on the sub - day 2. Feel like **** again although it isn't as bad as the first time. I don't think my body got quite so addicted again... but still I don't feel like singing and dancing.

I cannot comprehend a life without these opiates. I know other people are perfectly happy without, but I feel like I am busted. I still have no idea how I got to this place. My life is really quite rosy. As much as I've been trying, thank God I haven't really screwed it up yet.

I am teetering between ordering more online and not ordering more. Those online pharmacies are just drug dealers to the poor sap with a credit card. I can't believe that they are legal for opiates. If it wasn't so easy maybe I wouldn't have gotten here...

Anyway. I'm back again. Craving opiates, praying to my higher power to help me not use, and working one - JUST ONE - day at a time.

splendra · 04-26-2005, 10:19 AM

(((((erino))))

Welcome back! You can make it!! Just take it easy okay....

CAPTAINZING2000 · 04-26-2005, 11:59 AM

Welcome back

I keep gettin that spam on my e-mail as well. It really should be against the law

Well, now that you're back in here, have you got a plan of action??

chris

erino134 · 04-26-2005, 12:13 PM

Well. Not really. I am going back tomorrow to a meeting that I used to like a lot. So that is a start. And I am going to find a therapist. I'm going to do that tomorrow, assuming that I have more energy tomorrow. I don't have a big plan, sometimes I'm not even sure how badly I want to quit. I mean, I know I SHOULD quit, but I don't know that I really want to. I didn't relapse on a whim, I planned it out. DUH. Logically I KNOW that my life will be better without pills. Then why am I on the fence about it so much? Right now I have to get several days under my belt so the fog lifts. Right now it is still pretty thick.
I know I need a plan. But my only real plan right now is to make it through the day. That seems to be all I can really handle right now. I really want to sleep. I know that is because of the adjustment off the opiates. I know that I will feel better soon.
Oh, and I am going to watch LOST tomorrow night. That is a biggie to look forward to. New episode!

oncewaslost · 04-26-2005, 04:52 PM

you shouldn't hang your head down low....you should hold it up high because you are doing the right thing by coming back....you should be proud of that...i've been where you are....have to come back and try again...and now i have over 3 yrs clean just by taking it a day at a time and not ever giving up....be strong and keep your chin up ok.

Kahlia · 04-26-2005, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by erino134

Well. Not really. I am going back tomorrow to a meeting that I used to like a lot. So that is a start. And I am going to find a therapist. I'm going to do that tomorrow, assuming that I have more energy tomorrow. I don't have a big plan, sometimes I'm not even sure how badly I want to quit. I mean, I know I SHOULD quit, but I don't know that I really want to. I didn't relapse on a whim, I planned it out. DUH. Logically I KNOW that my life will be better without pills. Then why am I on the fence about it so much? Right now I have to get several days under my belt so the fog lifts. Right now it is still pretty thick.
I know I need a plan. But my only real plan right now is to make it through the day. That seems to be all I can really handle right now. I really want to sleep. I know that is because of the adjustment off the opiates. I know that I will feel better soon.
Oh, and I am going to watch LOST tomorrow night. That is a biggie to look forward to. New episode!

You are right...you do need a plan....to QUIT taking drugs...they will kill you. You are going to a meeting. Good, that is the place to go....let us know what happens there.....and how you are doing...this is a good plce to get support, IF you want it.....Kahlia

hopealwayz · 04-26-2005, 09:13 PM

(((Erino))) I'm glad to see you came back. Don't beat yourself up. I know it's hard having to go thru this again, but it will get better as long as you don't pick up. Meetings would be a very good idea. Get lots of support. You can do this and you have support here.

I am right where you are hon, but I know from experience that each day only gets better.

04-26-2005, 09:56 AM	#1 (permalink)
erino134 still moment by moment Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: on my way back to me Posts: 83	I'm back with my head hung low I was on this board a lot a few months ago. I detoxed from a huge vicodin habit with suboxone. Life was really chugging along so well. I felt good, really good. Then for absolutely no reason that makes any sense, I went off the sub so I could go back on the vicodin. If you take vicodin while you are on the sub you don't get to feel it at all. So I took myself off "temporarily" Ok, it has been about 3 weeks and several hundred pills later. I'm back on the sub - day 2. Feel like **** again although it isn't as bad as the first time. I don't think my body got quite so addicted again... but still I don't feel like singing and dancing. I cannot comprehend a life without these opiates. I know other people are perfectly happy without, but I feel like I am busted. I still have no idea how I got to this place. My life is really quite rosy. As much as I've been trying, thank God I haven't really screwed it up yet. I am teetering between ordering more online and not ordering more. Those online pharmacies are just drug dealers to the poor sap with a credit card. I can't believe that they are legal for opiates. If it wasn't so easy maybe I wouldn't have gotten here... Anyway. I'm back again. Craving opiates, praying to my higher power to help me not use, and working one - JUST ONE - day at a time.

04-26-2005, 10:19 AM	#2 (permalink)
splendra the girl can't help it Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: splendraville Posts: 4,817 Blog Entries: 3	(((((erino)))) Welcome back! You can make it!! Just take it easy okay.... __________________ nice has a hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

04-26-2005, 11:59 AM	#3 (permalink)
CAPTAINZING2000 ZING Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: ILLINOIS Posts: 5,333	Welcome back I keep gettin that spam on my e-mail as well. It really should be against the law Well, now that you're back in here, have you got a plan of action?? chris __________________ LIFE IS GOD'S GIFT TO YOU WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE IS YOUR GIFT TO GOD

04-26-2005, 04:52 PM	#5 (permalink)
oncewaslost Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Clarksville, Ar. Posts: 21	you shouldn't hang your head down low....you should hold it up high because you are doing the right thing by coming back....you should be proud of that...i've been where you are....have to come back and try again...and now i have over 3 yrs clean just by taking it a day at a time and not ever giving up....be strong and keep your chin up ok. __________________ "to err is human...to forgive is divine"

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04-26-2005, 12:13 PM	#4 (permalink)
erino134 still moment by moment Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: on my way back to me Posts: 83	Well. Not really. I am going back tomorrow to a meeting that I used to like a lot. So that is a start. And I am going to find a therapist. I'm going to do that tomorrow, assuming that I have more energy tomorrow. I don't have a big plan, sometimes I'm not even sure how badly I want to quit. I mean, I know I SHOULD quit, but I don't know that I really want to. I didn't relapse on a whim, I planned it out. DUH. Logically I KNOW that my life will be better without pills. Then why am I on the fence about it so much? Right now I have to get several days under my belt so the fog lifts. Right now it is still pretty thick. I know I need a plan. But my only real plan right now is to make it through the day. That seems to be all I can really handle right now. I really want to sleep. I know that is because of the adjustment off the opiates. I know that I will feel better soon. Oh, and I am going to watch LOST tomorrow night. That is a biggie to look forward to. New episode!

04-26-2005, 09:13 PM	#7 (permalink)
hopealwayz Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: somewhere Posts: 3,514	(((Erino))) I'm glad to see you came back. Don't beat yourself up. I know it's hard having to go thru this again, but it will get better as long as you don't pick up. Meetings would be a very good idea. Get lots of support. You can do this and you have support here. I am right where you are hon, but I know from experience that each day only gets better.

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