Feeling Good Handbook

[Andy F]

In 22 years of sobriety there is one book that has stood out from all others in helping me. With persistant effort I have come to understand my behaviour. I thought I would start posting odd quotes from it incase anyone became interested. We might even share our experiences if you decide to use the book.

The book is The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns MD. It is based on the principles of Cognitive Behaviour.

The first quote;

from page 5

If you want to break out of a bad mood, you must first understand that every type of negative feeling results from a specific kind of negative thought. 'Sadness and depression' result from thoughts of loss. You think you have lost something important to your self-esteem. Perhaps you were rejected by someone you cared a great deal about. You might have retired or lost your job or missed out on an important career opportunity. 'Frustration' results from unfulfilled expectations. You tell yourself things should be different from the way they realy are. For example, "that train shouldn't be so late when I'm in such a hurry. Darn it!" 'Anxiety and panic' result from thoughts of danger. Before you give a speech in front of a group of people, you feel nervous because you anticipate that your voice will tremble and your mind will go blank. You imagine that you'll make a fool of yourself. 'Guilt' results from the thought that you are bad. When a friend makes an unreasonable request, you may feel a twinge of guilt and think, "A really nice person would say yes." Then you may agree to something that really isn't in your best interest. 'Feelings of inferiority' result from the thought that your inadequate in comparison with others. You think, "She's so much better looking than I am" or "He's so much smarter and successful. What's wrong with me?" 'Anger' results from feelings of unfairness. You tell yourself that someone is treating you unjustly or trying to take advantage of you.

[Time2Surrender]

I'll have to check that one out.Thanks Andy

[Andy F]

From page 170

People who procrastinate often have an unrealistic view of how a productive person really functions. You may assume that successful people always feel confident and easily achieve their goals without having to endure frustration, self-doubt, and failure. This "mastery" model of success is quite unrealistsic. Achieving personal goals is stressful. You will usually have to overcome numerous obstacles and setbacks along the way. If you think life should be easy and that other people don't have to struggle, you will conclude that something is "wrong" and give up when things get tough. You'll have such a low tolerance for frustration that any disappointment will be unbearable.
Highly productive people are more likely to have a "coping model" of success. They assume that life will be frustrating and that there will be numerous rejections and failures on the road to success. When they encounter these obstacles, they simply assume that things are as they should be, and they persist. They rise to the occasion with renewed determination and commitment.

[Gabe]

I really like these quotes Andy.
Thanks for posting them.

[kweather99]

Awesome, Andy, thank you!

[Andy F]

From page 68

You may have difficulty accepting your imperfections and your limitations. You may harangue yourself whenever you fall short of a personal goal and tell yourself "I 'shouldn't' have made that mistake! I'm such a jerk. How could I screw up?" Although all this self-abuse creates guilt and depression, there may be a hidden payoff. Only a very special person could be expected to be so perfect. After all. most of us more average people make lots of mistakes! When we do, we try to learn from them and carry on again. But if you punish yourself and act as if your mistakes are unthinkable and unacceptable, it means you're superior to the rest of us!

[Andy F]

From page 68

Some people refuse to accept their anger. You may think you should never fight or argue or get mad. You may be afraid to express your negative feelings for fear you'll be rejected or will hurt the person your mad at. Then your feelings may get bottled up and you may end up constantly bickering and feeling irritable. Because you are afraid of anger, you end up knee-deep in bitterness and conflict. In contrast, if you accept your anger as a normal part of any healthy, loving relationship, you'll discover that you can often resolve problems far more easily and your anger will more quickly disappear.

[Andy F]

The above quotes are from 'The Feeling Good Handbook'. The next few will be from the book before that one, by the same author, simply called 'Feeling Good'. The Handbook was a sequal written later.

From 'Feeling Good' David Burns

(page 92)

Coercion and resentment. A deadly enemy of motivation is a sense of coercion. You feel under intense pressure to perform - generated from within and without. This happens when you try to motivate yourself with moralistic 'shoulds' and 'oughts'. You tell yourself, " I should do this" and " I have to do that". Then you feel obliged, burdened, tense, resentful, and guilty. You feel like a delinquent child under the discipline of a tyrannical probation officer. Every task becomes colored with such unpleasantness that you can't stand to face it. Then as you procrastinate, you condemn yourself as a lazy, no-good bum. This further drains your energies.

[Gabe]

Originally Posted by Andy F

This further drains your energies.

Focusing on how I spend my energy has been a critical part of my recovery.
Fear, resentment and like habits drain my energy.
Hope, belief and love fuel my energy.
It's really all a matter of what we choose to put in the emotional gas tank.
I'm really enjoying these quotes Andy, thanks for posting them.

[Andy F]

Hi Gabe

I wasn't even aware of the disruptive thoughts going on in my head. I catch myself all the time now.

[Gabe]

I catch myself MOST of the time.
Still a work in progress.

[ChrisMan]

Thanks, Andy! Awesome thread and awesome quotes!

[Andy F]

"Low Frustration Tolerance. You assume you should be able to solve your problems and reach your goals rapidly and easily, so you go into a frenzied state of panic and rage when life presents you with obstacles. Rather than persist patiently over a period of time, you may retaliate against the 'unfairness' of it all when things get tough, so you give up completely. I call this the 'entitlement syndrome' because you feel and act as if you were entitled to success, love, approval, perfect health, happiness, etc.
Your frustration results from your habit of comparing reality with an ideal in your head. When the two don't match, you condemn reality. It doesn't occur to you that it might be infinitly easier simply to change your expectations than to bend and twist reality.
This frustration is frequently generated by 'should' statements. While jogging, you might complain, 'For all the miles I've gone I should be in better shape by now'. Indeed? Why should you? You may have the delusion that such punishing, demanding statements will help you by driving you on to try harder and put out more effort. It rarely works this way. The frustration just adds to your sense of futility and increases your urge to give up and do nothing."

from page 93 'Feeling Good' , David Burns M.D.

[Andy F]

Originally Posted by Gabe

I catch myself MOST of the time.
Still a work in progress.

lol. yes, it would be more accurate for me to have said what I meant. I catch myself very regularly, but not all (as in every) time.

[Dan]

I was first introduced to the cause and effect concept of absolute language when I was in rehab. I then learned a little more about it through this forum, and Don S. in particular.
The inner dialogue that goes on inside the addict and alcoholic mind is nothing short of fascinatingly complex.
And I've yet to undestand most of it, it's reasons, and it's consequences.

[Andy F]

Hi Dan

These two books are based on cognitive behaviour therapy, but are not aimed at addressing addiction. They are focused primarily on depression and anxiety. However, (my view) there almost as many types, degrees or episodes of what amounts to depression as there are people on the planet. So the issues the author (psychiatrist) addresses are applicable to a very diverse audience and almost amount to a program for living.

Good to see you Dan

[Andy F]

page 250

"As long as I have something to contribute to the well-being of myself and others, I am not worthless.

As long as what I do can have a positive effect, I am not worthless.

As long as my being alive makes a difference to even one person, I am not worthless(and this one person can be me if necessary)."

[Ann]

These posts are hitting home with me. It's all in my head, and I have work to do. Attitude is everything, I just need to find a good one. Thanks, Andy.

Hugs
Ann

[Andy F]

page 87


"The Lethargy Cycle. Your self-defeating negative thoughts make you feel miserable. Your painful emotions in turn convince you that your distorted, pessimistic thoughts are actually valid. Similarly, self-defeating thoughts reinforce each other in a circular manner. The unpleasant consequences of d0-nothingism make your problems even worse."


(Hi Ann)

[Time2Surrender]

I can relate to that one Andy.

[Ann]

I like that too, Andy. I have choices, I can use my positive energy to make my life better, or I can use my negative energy to stay stuck. There is a time for negative, to be sad, angry, confused, but it's not a good place to visit for long.

Today is a beautiful day, with or without my energy. Today, I choose to see the beauty and stay in the positive.

(Hi back Andy)

Hugs
Ann

[Andy F]

page 354

"The best place to begin your fight against perfectionism is with your motivation for maintaining this approach. Make a list of the advantages and disadvantages of being perfectionistic. You may be surprised to learn that it is not actually to your advantage. Once you understand that it does not in fact help you in anyway, you'll be much more likely to give it up."

[Andy F]

From 'Feeling Good' page 78

"When you are experiencing a blue mood, the chances are that you are telling yourself that you are inherently inadequate or just plain 'no good'. You will become convinced that you have a bad core or are essentially worthless. To the extent that you believe such thoughts, you will experience a severe emotional reaction of despair and self-hatred.........

........Because of the negative emotional and behavioral consequences of your harsh thinking, the first step is to stop telling yourself you are worthless"

Feeling Good
Author David Burns MD
ISBN 0380810336
(reviews at Amazon)

[Gabe]

Codie input...
When I’m in a blue mood, it doesn’t have much to do with feeling worthless or inadequate.
It usually has more to do with feeling emotionally bankrupt.
I don’t know, maybe I’m not digging deep enough here.
Maybe I get to the point of emotional bankruptcy because I feel worthless and inadequate, ergo I give and give and give instead of keeping things in balance.
You’re making me think Andy...
always a dangerous proposition.

[Andy F]

Hi Gabe

The author does distinguish between genuine sadness and negative, distorted depressive type thinking. Although, the latter seems to be the most regular by far. I look forward to your further thoughts after the dangerous act of thinking. I have the Fire department on stand-by in case this causes spontaneous combustion.