95 Days without a drink & starting to emotionally relapse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Struggling2live · 03-09-2005, 01:55 PM

I am coming up to about 3 & 1/2 months sober & I am catching myself starting to emotionally relapse.When the weekends come I want to drink so badly,but dont.Maybe its b/c I dont have money right now to buy beer or maybe I am doing better than I thought.It doesnt matter anyway b/c the fact remains:I miss being drunk and "escaping" & want to drink.

To be honest,I want to go to the store,buy some beer and get reallly drunk at home by myself.Maybe I am crazy for missing the drunk feeling.Or maybe its just part of being a binge drinker.Who knows.I know I am not going to drink this week/weekend but I still have the urge to.Sitting here right now I am able to say that theres a 99% chance that I WONT drink,its just that 1% that scares me.

Needed to vent,thankx

sandyl225 · 03-09-2005, 02:03 PM

Dear struggling,
You have come so far keep that 99% in your head I like that odd better!! Treat yourself to something you really like,maybe your favorite movie,go to a meeting call and talk to friends for hours!! Just remember how hard it was to get where you are and what a better person you are today! You have something to be so proud of , don't let anything take that away from you!! One day at a time,you're doing AWESOME!!
and congrats on your 3 1/2 months!!
Take care and let us know how things go,I'll be prayin for you!!stay strong!
SandyL
today I pray for the recovered,today I pray for the recovering,and today I pray for the people who need to!!

hopeful2day · 03-09-2005, 02:59 PM

Struggling,
I don't know where you are on the steps but when I hit 90 days I had a let-down until I worked step 4 and 5 with my sponsor. The novelty of just not drinking had worn off, and it was time to get to work. That REALLY helped, and I can honestly say that I have not had an actual craving for a drink since. Fleeting thoughts? Definitely, but no cravings.

Sadly, I got cocky after a bunch of years, stopped going to meetings, and eventually relapsed on drugs, so I'm clawing my way back to get to where you are now. Congrats on your 3 1/2 months. Relapse is not fun, and can be permanent.

Val-light · 03-09-2005, 03:44 PM

Hi Struggling,
Now you've got me worried. I'm going to a concert tonight and was struggling with the same feelings that you're struggling with. I'm just over 3 months clean myself. Luckily a member here sent me a message that ALL we need is to find sobriety today. So I'm passing that great piece of advice to you because it brought me back out of my dizzy spell and into focus. Maybe you're in a dizzy spell too. Anyway, please try to re-focus yourself. There's no reason to drink alcohol no matter how you rationalize it. Stay strong!
Val

silenthummer · 03-10-2005, 05:19 AM

Hello, I know how you feel. I've been there & because of a Higher Power was able to make it back to AA.
Doctor's Opinion in the Big Book tells us of our allergy. We have a two fold illness, the physical allergy of the body & the obsession of the mind. Our mind tell us it is okay to drink cause that is what we always have done to FEEL better & upon taking a drink our fears, worries, anxieties melt away & we felt immediately better for that MOMENT. Upon taking a drink, we then trigger the Physical allergy & then we won't be able to stop.
BUT WE CAN STAY SOBER by not picking up that first drink, Go to meetings, Talk to recovering alcoholics & A Sponsor, Reading the B.B., Asking a Higher Power for strenght, and Helping others.
Also, Ask yourself, "Why do I want to drink? What is going on in my Life that makes me want to forget or as I call it LaLaLand." Write about it, talk about it with AA. We understand, we ALL have been there.
JUST DON'T PICK UP THAT FIRST DRINK! & YOU WILL BE AMAZED!

Struggling2live · 03-10-2005, 10:24 AM

To be honest,I dont work the steps.I am currently in two recovery groups and have w/ to AA meetings but theyre just not my thing.Maybe its because I havent lost anything due to my drinking.I thankfully suffered NO consequences.Maybe thats why I want to go back.I never hit rock bottom.I decided to stop drinking b/c I found out I had an illness.I would still be drinking on the weekends if I wasnt sick.

I try to tell myself that "this too shall pass" and that seemed to help a bit.I am just scared that one of the times I have an urge to just say "F- it",I'll give in.

***Time2Surrender*** · 03-10-2005, 10:31 AM

AA wasnt my thing for a long time.I didnt feel like I fit in.But,I kept going back.Today thats where all my friends are.I feel at home there.Maybe you should try working the steps.What can it hurt.It might just help you overcome some of the things you are dealing with.

ChrisMan · 03-10-2005, 02:40 PM

Hi Struggling!

Great that you are posting and hey really like the St. Patty's day theme with your avatar and signature.

It is great that you are posting, because that can really help. I know it has helped me to post here, especially when I wanted to act out.

For me, the 12 Steps are indispensable, but I know they aren't for everyone. But hope you keep pursuing recovery. For me, the big change came when I started living a positive sobriety instead of merely trying to avoid acting out.

ChrisMan

GoldenGutters · 03-10-2005, 03:12 PM

All of the above suggestions are great, but what really helps me get out of the stinkin' thinkin' funk is to clean house...and I'm talking literally. Grab the mop or a rag, get some pinesol or amonia...it's cheaper. Weeding the yard, cleaning the bathroom, clearing out that closet thats piled to the ceiling with junk you haven't looked at in years. Put on your favorite music and go to town. They're all cheap, if not free, ways to get out of your head with the added bonus of accomplishment.

lar · 03-10-2005, 08:45 PM

hi struggling--it sounds like your having feeling overload. glad you posted and ventilated . naming and feeling the feeling takes the power away, so one does not feel overwhelmed. how are you doing today?--barb

Struggling2live · 03-12-2005, 08:36 AM

Hey thankx for your replies.I guess I am doing OK.Have my days of course.Still want to drink but havent.I am trying to keep myself busy.So far so good.

Chrisman,Im a true Irish girl!..Even have a shamrock tattoo! LOL

snoop_bealybob · 03-16-2005, 01:02 AM

[quote=Struggling2live]To be honest,I dont work the steps.QUOTE]

Why not?

Even if you don't like the meetings, working the steps outside of a meeting certainly won't hurt you .

You are on this board writing that you are thinking about drinking....

How do you think that working the steps don't help until you apply them to your life? These steps are good for anybody really...not just alcoholics.

I have gone your route...and I drank.

Sitting on your hands, and trying to stay busy, posting on MBs are half measures and they produce nothing.

If you want to stay sober, start with the steps, and be honest to yourself, you deserve it.

CAPTAINZING2000 · 03-16-2005, 11:11 AM

First off I want to commend you for trying to do right with your life. I had a problem at your age and didn't want to accept it.

The inability to control our emotions most likely is the cause of all relapses. We can't deal with the way we feel so we drink

Hang in there. Are you sure, there's no AA meetings in your area with some people your age in them? I won't B.S you, it's a hard SOB to get and stay sober at your age. The peer pressure is overwhelming at your age. You get to be older, you're comfortable with who you are.

I do hope, you got some support from a wife or g/f and your family.

Listen, you're young enough you don't have to pi$$ away a lot of your life like I had to and many others in here. The longer you drink, the harder it'll be later to quit

FYI, I white knuckled this SOB for over a couple of years. Want to know why? As bad as I felt sober, I felt worse waking up in a drunk tank

My worst day sober has never equaled my worst day drunk.

Stay sober long enough, you'll be like I am right now. I don't remember the last bad day I've had in a year or so

Chris

03-09-2005, 01:55 PM	#1 (permalink)
Struggling2live Brightt Eyess Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: NYC Posts: 15	95 Days without a drink & starting to emotionally relapse I am coming up to about 3 & 1/2 months sober & I am catching myself starting to emotionally relapse.When the weekends come I want to drink so badly,but dont.Maybe its b/c I dont have money right now to buy beer or maybe I am doing better than I thought.It doesnt matter anyway b/c the fact remains:I miss being drunk and "escaping" & want to drink. To be honest,I want to go to the store,buy some beer and get reallly drunk at home by myself.Maybe I am crazy for missing the drunk feeling.Or maybe its just part of being a binge drinker.Who knows.I know I am not going to drink this week/weekend but I still have the urge to.Sitting here right now I am able to say that theres a 99% chance that I WONT drink,its just that 1% that scares me. Needed to vent,thankx __________________ Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. If I tell you that I love you,can I keep you forever? :mad

03-10-2005, 05:19 AM	#5 (permalink)
silenthummer Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Missouri Posts: 2	Hello, I know how you feel. I've been there & because of a Higher Power was able to make it back to AA. Doctor's Opinion in the Big Book tells us of our allergy. We have a two fold illness, the physical allergy of the body & the obsession of the mind. Our mind tell us it is okay to drink cause that is what we always have done to FEEL better & upon taking a drink our fears, worries, anxieties melt away & we felt immediately better for that MOMENT. Upon taking a drink, we then trigger the Physical allergy & then we won't be able to stop. BUT WE CAN STAY SOBER by not picking up that first drink, Go to meetings, Talk to recovering alcoholics & A Sponsor, Reading the B.B., Asking a Higher Power for strenght, and Helping others. Also, Ask yourself, "Why do I want to drink? What is going on in my Life that makes me want to forget or as I call it LaLaLand." Write about it, talk about it with AA. We understand, we ALL have been there. JUST DON'T PICK UP THAT FIRST DRINK! & YOU WILL BE AMAZED! __________________ :elephant:aasmile :elephant

03-10-2005, 10:24 AM	#6 (permalink)
Struggling2live Brightt Eyess Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: NYC Posts: 15	To be honest,I dont work the steps.I am currently in two recovery groups and have w/ to AA meetings but theyre just not my thing.Maybe its because I havent lost anything due to my drinking.I thankfully suffered NO consequences.Maybe thats why I want to go back.I never hit rock bottom.I decided to stop drinking b/c I found out I had an illness.I would still be drinking on the weekends if I wasnt sick. I try to tell myself that "this too shall pass" and that seemed to help a bit.I am just scared that one of the times I have an urge to just say "F- it",I'll give in. __________________ Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. If I tell you that I love you,can I keep you forever? :mad

03-10-2005, 10:31 AM	#7 (permalink)
*Time2Surrender* Community Greeter Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Hillsboro,Oregon Soon to be Washington State Posts: 6,335 Blog Entries: 3	AA wasnt my thing for a long time.I didnt feel like I fit in.But,I kept going back.Today thats where all my friends are.I feel at home there.Maybe you should try working the steps.What can it hurt.It might just help you overcome some of the things you are dealing with. __________________ "Jack and Diane" painted a picture of my life and my dreams, Suddenly this crazy world made more sense to me Well I heard it today and I couldn't help but sing along Cause everytime I hear that song...

03-10-2005, 02:40 PM	#8 (permalink)
ChrisMan Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 398	Hi Struggling! Great that you are posting and hey really like the St. Patty's day theme with your avatar and signature. It is great that you are posting, because that can really help. I know it has helped me to post here, especially when I wanted to act out. For me, the 12 Steps are indispensable, but I know they aren't for everyone. But hope you keep pursuing recovery. For me, the big change came when I started living a positive sobriety instead of merely trying to avoid acting out. ChrisMan __________________ "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -- Philo

03-09-2005, 02:03 PM	#2 (permalink)
sandyl225 sandyl Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Willoughby,Ohio Posts: 15	Dear struggling, You have come so far keep that 99% in your head I like that odd better!! Treat yourself to something you really like,maybe your favorite movie,go to a meeting call and talk to friends for hours!! Just remember how hard it was to get where you are and what a better person you are today! You have something to be so proud of , don't let anything take that away from you!! One day at a time,you're doing AWESOME!! and congrats on your 3 1/2 months!! Take care and let us know how things go,I'll be prayin for you!!stay strong! SandyL today I pray for the recovered,today I pray for the recovering,and today I pray for the people who need to!!

03-09-2005, 02:59 PM	#3 (permalink)
hopeful2day Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Mobile, Alabama Posts: 27	Struggling, I don't know where you are on the steps but when I hit 90 days I had a let-down until I worked step 4 and 5 with my sponsor. The novelty of just not drinking had worn off, and it was time to get to work. That REALLY helped, and I can honestly say that I have not had an actual craving for a drink since. Fleeting thoughts? Definitely, but no cravings. Sadly, I got cocky after a bunch of years, stopped going to meetings, and eventually relapsed on drugs, so I'm clawing my way back to get to where you are now. Congrats on your 3 1/2 months. Relapse is not fun, and can be permanent.

03-09-2005, 03:44 PM	#4 (permalink)
Val-light Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Houston, Texas Posts: 629	Hi Struggling, Now you've got me worried. I'm going to a concert tonight and was struggling with the same feelings that you're struggling with. I'm just over 3 months clean myself. Luckily a member here sent me a message that ALL we need is to find sobriety today. So I'm passing that great piece of advice to you because it brought me back out of my dizzy spell and into focus. Maybe you're in a dizzy spell too. Anyway, please try to re-focus yourself. There's no reason to drink alcohol no matter how you rationalize it. Stay strong! Val

03-10-2005, 03:12 PM	#9 (permalink)
GoldenGutters Gigi, BootLiquor, whatever.... Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Concord, CA Posts: 1,490 Blog Entries: 1	All of the above suggestions are great, but what really helps me get out of the stinkin' thinkin' funk is to clean house...and I'm talking literally. Grab the mop or a rag, get some pinesol or amonia...it's cheaper. Weeding the yard, cleaning the bathroom, clearing out that closet thats piled to the ceiling with junk you haven't looked at in years. Put on your favorite music and go to town. They're all cheap, if not free, ways to get out of your head with the added bonus of accomplishment. __________________ 99% Bonobo, 1% blessed

03-10-2005, 08:45 PM	#10 (permalink)
lar Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: s.sierra nevada mtns. Posts: 21	hi struggling--it sounds like your having feeling overload. glad you posted and ventilated . naming and feeling the feeling takes the power away, so one does not feel overwhelmed. how are you doing today?--barb

03-12-2005, 08:36 AM	#11 (permalink)
Struggling2live Brightt Eyess Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: NYC Posts: 15	Hey thankx for your replies.I guess I am doing OK.Have my days of course.Still want to drink but havent.I am trying to keep myself busy.So far so good. Chrisman,Im a true Irish girl!..Even have a shamrock tattoo! LOL __________________ Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. If I tell you that I love you,can I keep you forever? :mad

03-16-2005, 01:02 AM	#12 (permalink)
snoop_bealybob Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: salt lake city Posts: 10	[quote=Struggling2live]To be honest,I dont work the steps.QUOTE] Why not? Even if you don't like the meetings, working the steps outside of a meeting certainly won't hurt you . You are on this board writing that you are thinking about drinking.... How do you think that working the steps don't help until you apply them to your life? These steps are good for anybody really...not just alcoholics. I have gone your route...and I drank. Sitting on your hands, and trying to stay busy, posting on MBs are half measures and they produce nothing. If you want to stay sober, start with the steps, and be honest to yourself, you deserve it. __________________ One day at a time

03-16-2005, 11:11 AM	#13 (permalink)
CAPTAINZING2000 ZING Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: ILLINOIS Posts: 5,333	First off I want to commend you for trying to do right with your life. I had a problem at your age and didn't want to accept it. The inability to control our emotions most likely is the cause of all relapses. We can't deal with the way we feel so we drink Hang in there. Are you sure, there's no AA meetings in your area with some people your age in them? I won't B.S you, it's a hard SOB to get and stay sober at your age. The peer pressure is overwhelming at your age. You get to be older, you're comfortable with who you are. I do hope, you got some support from a wife or g/f and your family. Listen, you're young enough you don't have to pi$$ away a lot of your life like I had to and many others in here. The longer you drink, the harder it'll be later to quit FYI, I white knuckled this SOB for over a couple of years. Want to know why? As bad as I felt sober, I felt worse waking up in a drunk tank My worst day sober has never equaled my worst day drunk. Stay sober long enough, you'll be like I am right now. I don't remember the last bad day I've had in a year or so Chris __________________ LIFE IS GOD'S GIFT TO YOU WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE IS YOUR GIFT TO GOD

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