Loneliness

Loneliness is the way by which destiny endeavors to lead man to himself.
--Hermann Hissed

We have an epidemic of loneliness among men in our world. Everywhere, men are walking around as though in plastic bubbles that prevent contact with others. We are cut off from closeness with our brothers and sisters, our own children, our mates, coworkers, and neighbors. We have learned to play the role, be efficient, and look good. Do we dare let others know how we feel? Will they look down on us? Will they think we're strange?

All this has made us ripe for the diseases of addiction and codependency. Some of us have romanticized the pain of loneliness and glorified it. We sought some comfort for our pain, but we only perpetuated it. Breaking through the barrier to let someone know us can be incredibly difficult. Yet, just to say "I feel lonely" to another person makes us slightly less alone. Going to meetings and working this program provide a way out. The greatest benefits of the program for many of us have been recovery from loneliness and the genuine relationships we have developed.

Today, I will reveal some of my feelings to another person.

[jennie@weldings]

Wow. I suffer from loneliness at the moment through being parted from my partner of 2 years, for now two weeks. The pain is horrendous some days but I am determined to stay on track. He is in NA and AA and I am in AA (11 years sober). I find its not the man that I crave for, its his prescence in my life - its gone now and I am alone. Its not meant to sound sad, its just how it is and each day on I will get a little better. I go to meetings and spend time talking to friends, family, sponsor and even my two kittens cop some of it. I have to learn now to love myself and be happy with myself. I guess alot of it has to do with rejection and abandonment but when you get older you dont have the same abilities to bounce back as you did as a 24 year old. Its nice to hear that men do suffer from loneliness and I think you are right they tend not to talk about their feelings which is a bit sad. Us ladies do talk, sometimes too much ha ha.
I lke what you said.
Jennie

[wastedtime4me]

I always seem to hide from people because of previous experiencese.
I dont want people to pity me.I just want someone to listen to me and possibly help me at times..Some times to just listen though...Yet it seems i keep making friends with people that like to push me away..
I am not one to go on an d on about myself.I am a good listener as well and try to offer words of encouragement even if i am not in a good place at the time myself..Yet i continue to get hurt by people that seem to never want to be ther for me when i need a shoulder they usually end up walking away from me..Thats why i am lonely by choice~

[Gabe]

I have to wonder how much of our lonlieness is self imposed.
It seems to be a tendency of many of us in recovery to withdraw when we're dealing with pain.
To go dark, to build walls, to not communicate.
As Springsteen would say...to "hide 'neath our covers and study our pain."
I do it.
It's my knee-jerk reaction to pain.
But I'm learning that it's not healthy.
And I'm learning that it's better to reach out than to go hide.
I'm still teachable, who knew?

[bikewench]

Doug..

We have an epidemic of loneliness among men in our world. Everywhere, men are walking around as though in plastic bubbles that prevent contact with others. We are cut off from closeness with our brothers and sisters, our own children, our mates, coworkers, and neighbors. We have learned to play the role, be efficient, and look good. Do we dare let others know how we feel? Will they look down on us? Will they think we're strange?

I agree with you.

It's like... knock knock knock... anybody home ? And if you are... will you let me in???

Won't you let me love you in all my serendipitous ways and return that love ?

Won't you tell me your hurtin?

Can't you tell me you miss me and that I'm important to you??????????????????????????????????????????

Will you just let me in please huh???

[Don W]

I don't understand how on one hand I crave being close to someone and given the chance I'll avoid it or feel so uncomfortable. There is a family joke about trying to get a "Wallace" male to hug you. I no longer see it as a joke. Don W

[bruno123]

It's loneliness brought me here...this forum....I live high on a mountain-top..haven't examined in too much depth why I chose to be here...several months ago I was in another state a few thousand miles from here...where I'd landed on a drunk that started a few thousand miles from there...but, while I was..back there..I was going to many meetings..had a sponsor whom I would some times call...and I felt alone...I am certainly not alone where I am..there are usually at least 30 of us here on the mountain-top...this weekend maybe even a couple of hundred..I keep thinking that my sobriety is what keeps me from having any real...connection... to people..because the other 29 party..but I have always felt...like I was alone...I do realize that it is a choice...probably pretty selfish...I think," I don't have anything to talk about to these people"..when, in reality, I only want to talk about myself..as I really never do and just want to know that someone hears and cares about what is and has been going on with me and some of what I've been thru...but see, they would never understand..I don't feel ..bad?..wrong..? about the chequered past I've lived..but probably best not discuss it in polite company..besides..then what excuse would I have for self righteously not fitting in?..besides..I am ...a person of authority..so I am best kept to myself...the nearest meeting is once a week and an hour away and yes if the road down is open I do paln on making it this week...then what excuse will I have for not speaking there...not hopeless..just talking myself into the effort....thanks for listening
Love to All-B

[Gabe]

Bruno, hey...it's okay to talk about us and how we feel about things. If we don't get over that one, we end up sitting in that dark corner all alone. And what good will that do us? You are NOT best kept to yourself. You are best shared with others. Think about it.
Gabe

[Don W]

Bruno, Welcome to SR. I don't always have answers but no that I'm sober, I enjoy using those thing on the sides of my head, beside holding my glasses. At one time or another we've all vented. Be assured I'm listening and many around the world also.
I hope your OK with all the mudslides I've been reading about. Don W