Recovery & Co-dependency

[FlyRandy]

Hi,

I've recently started my recovery process after spending nearly a year in a relationship with an alcoholic. I did not realize that I too had a problem until I began attending meetings and until I hit my "low point" last week and realize that I am powerless over alcohol.

My dilemma is this: the girl I dated who is also an alcoholic, after repeated attempts at recovery, is still drinking. She calls me and wants to talk about when/where/how our relationship went wrong (it's like hearing a broken record), how I lied, how she lied, etc, etc. - Those that have been there will catch my drift.

I've allowed myself to speak with her, but now, I'm feeling as though if she can't talk to me sober and address the real issues, then I need to tell her to move on. Is this co-dependency on either of our parts? What should I do? I've been through hell and back with this girl, don't want to do it again, and won't, but I just don't know exactly what to do.

Your help and thoughts, please.
-FlyRandy

[nutz]

Try reading chapter 16 in the big book.
It an eye opener for me
It dosen't have all the answers, but it's helping me.
My AH is also recovery.
I'm an alki and do a lot of dope too.lol
but I also feel like MAX sometimes.

"The more I work with her the sicker she got"
As the bar door slamed.....Max was the one that went home.lol
Somewhere in the book it states, If I stop working with other
(not my AH). The heartaches comes

If you love someone set them free !!!!
live and live
Easier said then done, becuase my thinking is live and let die.
working step 4 or doing inventory will help me see some of my fears.

check my motives. Is it for my insecurity or of goodwill.

I like the part about if I focus on the problems it gets bigger and bigger.
If focus on the answers , the more anwers will come.
If I focus on her posistive, she becomes a loving woman that I love
very much.
If I focus on her negative, she becomes a life sucking battle AXe
bi polar b.tch or whatever name calling

I'm finally doing step 1 with her in mind.
I'm powerless over sherry and my life had become unmanageable.

Treating her as a new comer is freaken hard. She's sick
Would I beat up on a sick person ?
The door is open but some don't make it back.

I trun everything over and do whats infornt of me.
clean my apt, read my book, write my inventory, give people
ride to meetings to get my arss to a meeting.lol
and pray like hell.
Thy will be done not mine.

[Ann]

If she can't talk to you sober and address the issues, what's the point of talking? I agree with your choice to step back, and I don't think it's codependent on your part, I think it's just good sense when you are in recovery and she is not. Her part? Codependent maybe, but it's hard to tell until she sobers up.

Do what's right for you and don't feel guilty.

Hugs
Ann

[nutz]

my "rights" and more "rights"
address the real issues....how important is it ?

For me it dosen't matter who I'm with or who's next in line.
I'll will choose a women who's about as sick as I am.
If she's not at first becuase I'm on my best behaviors while dating.
When the truth comes out if she decides to stay becuase she gets
attached. She'll either become as sick or as well as I am.
I'll go though hell and back with whomever.
A healthier woman would ran to hills, far away from me.lol

this is me....

A loyalist (though hell and back) depenable the flip side...co-dependent.

The care taker needs a sick person to take care of flip side....manipulations,
a controll freak.lol

I can't tell you what to do or give advice.
I have a hard enough time working on myself.