Redmayne

Currently enjoying ac prolonged, 3446 and hopefully, one day at a time, lasting period of sobriety

What I don't miss is the sense of fear, guilt, low self esteem and self loathing that accompanied me, and I'd suggest many others who suffer from my disease/illness of alcoholism, in my drinking days.

Something which you can't buy or fake!

Carpathia

Yesterday, I listened to a young woman speak. She shared her experience of feeling like a fraud during her drinking/using days.

For me, that sense of fraudulence was so entwined with who I thought I was, there was no hope of discovering who I truly am until I sought sobriety wholeheartedly and without reservation.

Redmayne

Thank you, I love the reference to feeling like a fraud, as it neatly sums up with my own experience in my drinking days along with always feeling that whatever I did, no matter how hard I tried, I was never good enough.

I never really 'fitted in' even as 'a high functioning' alcoholic with a proven, if not commendable record of success in any of the professional careers I pursued...something I've heard from others who suffer like I.

I've always never had any regrets in leaving any of them, not least as it became obvious as my disease/illness grew progressively worse that I would really bring shame and embarrassment to others and myself as I became, with the passing of the years. A hopeless, helpless drunk...

God, providence, fate then took a hand and lead me to circumstances that in order for the insanity of drinking to stop to, with the help of the Big Book read whilst listening to a recording of one of 'Joe & Charlie's:Big Book Study Meetings' take my out of control drinking seriously and in recovery, it took a while. Rid myself of fear, guilt , low self esteem and self loathing..they still surface now and then but I now know how to deal with them and hold my head up high.