This one may be tough... long post, and sad.

[Jethro]

I've been married 22 years... two children, daughter 21 and son 18. I love them SO much, and they are so neat. My wife is an alcoholic. Her father died from the disease, her mother has it and is active. My wife was raped by three men when she was in her late teens, and then her current husband almost beat her to death afterwards. Her brothers then probably killed this husband, beat him to death, though I can't confirm it. Her 'true love' was killed in Viet Nam, stepped on a mine. Parents didn't love her, didn't treasure her, no self esteem, but very beautiful. Involved with a woman lover as a college student. I am not making this soap opera up, this is what I am living with.

And here I sit... she has been going to AA for 6 years off and on... longest period sober is 60 days. Has become a binge drinker, but binges closer together lately, last longer, and more intense.

I'm going to Al Anon, and it has helped my own peace of mind so much. I love this woman SO damn much. I think she is my soul mate, and I WANT TO BE WITH HER SO BAD. Every time I get close to her, she does something to drive us apart... she lives in an elephant graveyard where she is the keeper of the bones.... all past REAL AND IMAGINED misteps, mispoken words, misdeeds are NEVER forgotten.... and her own past haunts us. She used to have me tie her up for sex, and even resist me, as if she were acting out the rape, but NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT THE RAPE. So she 'inserted' me in that incident, where I had never had that kind of sex, and would never had agreed to it if I had known of her past. Who knows what she has now transferred to me. I'm a professional artist, and she posed for me, but brought her female lover's memories into our sessions, which titillated me, but ultimately turned my art into some kind of sexual game, so that when I employ a professional model, now she sees my work as sexual, when it HAS NEVER BEEN. All these things have been kept secretly from me...


Oh God, I don't know why I'm posting this. I am going to a counsellor, but now I can't even really look at her... I love her, but I am so tired of her. My heart actually physically hearts, it aches, and my health is going. how ******* long can a human being stand this

[Anna]

Hi Jethro,

Welcome!

It sounds like you are in a lot of pain right now and I do hope that the counselling you are getting will help you. Your wife has suffered a lot and is probably using alcohol to self-medicate and ease her pain. I did the same thing for a few years when the pain in my life became too much to deal with, but the thing is that it doesn't help and makes things so much worse. And, of course, the pain is still there.

I hope you keep posting here and if you like you might also check out the Families and Friends of Alcoholics forum on this board. You'll find lots of support there.

Anna

[splendra]

Jethro-

Your wifes story has many aspects that are simular to mine minus the beating and land mine. I drank and did drugs for years. I recieved couseling for 5 years prior to my quitting drugs/alcohol. You wife definatly needs to go for rape couseling if she has not been. I believe you need to insist upon the rape couseling.

It must be painful as hell living with her. I'll be saying prayers for you nad your wife....