getting f-ed over

[dotcom]

recently, i have been more self confident. i had a few friends who i was pretty codependent on, and finally i just let them go. and then all of a sudden my skin got thicker and when they tried to f me over again i just gave them a chunk of my mind. that is rare for me. inside me i feel good, i have friends that care about me and i have friends that dont. i dont have to not be their friend, but they expect me to let them wipe their feet on my face. you would think since i am generally an irritated person, that i would not be codependent? wrong.

some people have taken my originality and f**d it into their own warped style. i dont understand it? i am a pretty funny person in real life, class clown and general goof ball. a few of my friends get my humor and we just crack up all the time. some of them treat me like crap when im funny then go and use my jokes and phrases to get their own laughs. i was very upset about this, then i realized that that funniess came out of me baby! and i shouldnt waste my energy on fake people. even if they have been friends for some time. fortunately, people change. and for a long time, they thought they could change but that i wasnt allowed to. so i said, "well, suckers, your wrong!" and out popped assertive-dont-mess-with-me dot.

i like this me. i take their s*** and wipe it off. no skin off my back. flinging it back is what takes all the energy. however, im still vigilant about making sure i dont hang with lowlife perverts or general scum. i was a scum perv before so i know what to look for. haha. i think thats my goal, to see through peoples scams and not compromise. like in the past id have turned a blind eye. im not talking nitpicking here, im talking about pervert guys that make amatuer porn and are bankrupt and wonder why their wife is not okay with their girlfriends or the underage girls they bring over. my codiness is alive and kicking and theres a part of me that likes being fkd over. not anymore. im trying.

just thought id share that. dont worry, i still have a real nasty temper. *wink* its not going anywhere, just funneled into different stuff. and i only plan on "using force" when im attacked. god help whoever attacks me *wink*

[David 1]

Hey Dot, it's funny, but when I was drinking, just about every little thing got me upset. I think the alcohol was trying to take over my life by driving people away to the point that I wanted to drink more just to cope with the isolation! What a viscious circle!

I like your post because you are saying that the real you has come out in the world and it feels like you are born again. You can deal with the bs now, and know that you are secure with the direction your life is headed.

That is cool - being confident, optimistic and hopeful - it's funny because those are not the feelings I had when I was abusing alcohol.

Thanks for the insight Dot!!

Dave

[dotcom]

you rock david! im afraid i am not so confident as i think. sometimes, i feel really confident and then i dont. its like i make one centimeter of progress one day than the next i make three. but then the next day i go back one centimeter. so im making progress but it all takes so much time, blah.

you are right, when i was using i let the bull really affect me. i have greatly improved with letting it affect me, but it can be so overwhelming. before i thought i was an addict, i started reading codependent no more. it was eyeopening. i am cracking that book open again just for some insight and help. its great to see progress even if its only a little you know?

but compared to 20 months ago, i am so much improved! it is so great to feel hopeful and happy. i am stoked about life, and i am trying to take the wheel so to speak and make my life rockin. it is so hard to figure out if people are genuine or not. its getting easier though.

you rock! your post got me thinkin.

hugs,

dot