A Question

[findingout]

Suppose that sometime during the last year of my losing battle with alchohol (two years ago next friday, thank jah) a genie had popped out of my wine bottle and said "I'll grant you one wish. Whatever you wish for, it will be so." Suppose further that I had had the presence of mind not to wish for another bottle of wine and instead had said "I wish I wasn't an alcoholic." The genie replies "OK! You're not an alcoholic." and *POOF* she disappears.

Who would I be? From the time I was fifteen until the genie showed up 25 year later, everything that I did or thought was influenced by drugs (because alchohol IS a drug) in one way or another. If I am magically not an alcoholic, does that mean that all those years are gone, replaced with different experiences? Or does it just mean that I can use successfully? And what about the past 2 years which have been the best years of my life in so many different ways? Obviously they would not have happened because as a non-alcoholic, I would never have been at all the N.A./A.A. meetings to meet some of the most thoughtful and caring people I've ever met. Recovery has been such a positive experience for me, really the best thing that has happened, is happening, in all my years on the planet. (Perhaps the wish should be "I wish I was a recovering alcoholic"? except I didn't/don't need a genie for that....)

Today, my answer is "I have no way of knowing." I might as well ask "What if I was 6'5" instead of 5'6"?" But I am curious if anyone else has any thoughts about this.

[David 1]

Yeah FO - I have thought about that!! I am an alcoholic and I typically drank alone and had this crazy pattern of going downstairs and watching a movie/DVD. It is how I escaped from the world and reality (of course I drank while I watched).

Drinking is a made-up, out of touch with reality, running away method of going through life. And it gets worse and worse over time.

Now, I am in touch with my feelings, and am really experiencing life in a genuine way. No filters, blinders, etc. and I DO NOT dwell on the past or things beyond my control!! It may sound crazy, but living life sober allows me to truly enjoy life, and I can appreciate what I missed when I was drunk even more.

I will say another thing - I do think about the negative impact that drinking had on my life every now and then. It kind of keeps me focused on staying sober each day.

Dave

[Tom M]

To Finding Out,
You would still be yourself. If the genie told me now that I was no longer an alcoholic, it wouldn't matter, because I have no desire to drink.
My definition of an alcoholic used to be a person that is chemically or physiologicaly addicted to it.
After years of struggling with this disease, I finally realize that it is more psychological than anything else.
In my case, I always drank to fill a void in my life and out of habit it became my way of coping with stressful situations. I never knew any other way.
In the last 21 1/2 months sober I have learned how to undo the destruction in my life by working the 12 steps. I have learned how to get support with the help of AA and meetings.
Where I once felt like an outcast by being afflicted by this disease, I now feel like I am blessed to be able to find the support of AA and to be reconnected with my higher power(GOD).
I believe for the most part this is all mindset a humble one at that.

[fuster]

Well, if you believe in genies, I guess the question is worth thinking about. Otherwise, it seems a bit contradictory for one truly in recovery to seriously consider "answers" to it. I am happy as I am, I don't think about genies granting me wishes, I have what I need, all that my HP provides me for the day I am living in. I had a wish when I entered recovery in 1994, that was to not worry about anything any more. Today that wish has been granted, not by a genie, but by God.

I know plenty of folks who are not alcoholics. My wife is one of them. She drinks, but has no problem with it. Look around you, they are there, and you can answer your academic question by observing them. They drink little, do not get drunk, and can walk away from alcohol when they start to feel affected. Do I wish I was not an alcoholic? Nope. I don't need to consume alcohol or cocaine or other mind altering drugs. Do I like to consume them? After 10 years in recovery I can still say yes. That has not changed, but I don't need to go taste the stuff to confirm that fact.

[findingout]

Thanks for the responses folks. Today I value the input from others in recovery more than anything. For me, two years ago the only way God could have approached me was disguised as a genie. I was completely spiritually bankrupt and I would put down the book, turn off the radio, or find a way to leave the conversation if the subject of a higher power was even mentioned. Not so anymore. Today there is a whole side of me that I never knew existed because I purposely denied it the nutrients it needed to grow and finished the job by poisoning the ground with drugs.

As for the question being academic, well, one of the ways I learn is by posing questions. It's just the way my mind works. I don't wish to be "cured" of my disease in the sense that I wish I could successfully use again. I could never successfully use in 25 years, so there is no "again". For me, recovery == growth and I don't ever want to stop growing again. I existed on bread and water for way too much of my life, believing that was all there was. I wouldn't trade the last two years of real food for anything. Today I see drugs (and alcohol IS a drug) for what they are: the wrong answer to any question I might come up with except "Gee, I wonder how I could f*&k up my life real fast?" Today I know that if I were stupid enough to pick up, things would go badly. Guaranteed. In fact, if I got to the point where I would pick up, things would already have gone badly.

Jah bless.

[CAPPA]

I would not change my past 33 years of life, I know that without alcohol, and drugs during my highschool and college years I would have been commited, I graduated with two degree's an associate in radiology, and BS in science. I did not know I was alcoholic until three years into my marriage; which I saved, it took three failed attempts to quite before i gave up. We think different than other people, when it comes to alcohol and drugs, the big book says one of our character defects is lack of discipline, and self control. When cannot put the stuff down after one drink until we are drunk. Put your faith in God, we do not have all the answers for we are powerless over alcohol. The chapter to the agnostic, states they most difficult time recovering. Any questions go do some disciplined drinking and drugging sounds crazy thats because it is. For us that recover we have been given a gift from God therefore we must carry that to the one's still out there. Part of thar gift is sharing our alcoholic and drug addition life we use to live. That is what keeps us sober and clean. we must be careful and not be selfish, remember to give freely.