My boyfriend is a recovering addict, and I need some help

[blue_eyes18]

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Hi, My boyfriend is currently in a methodone clinic. He used to shoot up heroin, that was before I was dating him. I am having some problems on how to handle his behavior. I was wondering if it is normal for him to change his moods so much because of him trying to recover, because he says he is confused and we are having trouble with our relationship. He is his hot/cold, (moody I guess). When we first started going out, he was awesome and acted happy. Then, a couple of weeks later, he acted strange and said he didn't feel so well, and wants to be togther one minute and broke up the next. He said I deserve better because he is not sure he can be the boyfriend I need him to be right now. Usually, all he wants to do is lay in bed at his house or be alone. I am just wondering if this is from the drugs. That's what he seems to make the problem out to be. He told me that no one can ever understand the addicts mind unless you have been there. Does it make it hard for one to be in touch with their emotions or what? I would really appreciate if someone can help me try to understand a little better. Thanks.

[effy]

honey leave him

[CAPPA]

blue Eye18

though situation you are not married to him you must consider the risk you are taking staying with him, you have no obligation legally that is, to stay. what does year heart tell you to do, if your willing to go through detox rehabilitaion, and possible failed attempts to get him clean, then stay

[ash4]

I recently posted a blog called "a question about my recovering alcoholic boyfriend". You should read it, and the things people said... I understand your situation in a lot of ways... It is tough, and sometimes you put the guilt on yourself, just because you want them to feel better. Sweetie, you can't do that. they have to. I would leave him... right now, he needs to work on recovery and him... and trust me... that's all he will be able to do for a while, even though it may not be all he wants to do. good luck.

[Honu]

Blue Eyes, I hate to tell you this, but you cannot help him.

HE is the only one who can. He needs the help of other recovering addicts, and you could try to move heaven and earth, and it will NOT help him.

Experience, strength and Hope....for you

I have lived with that for 8 years, attending Al-Anon, doing every thing humanly possible. It was a horrible existance. I wanted him to get better, he wanted to be left alone. He thought I was "controlling", which, I was, he just wouldn't listen to me. But, the deal is, that I had no control over it, and I should have stepped aside, and leave him to himself to recover.

At this point, I would just get away from it. It was toxic, to both of us.

I'm glad I AM away from it. It sent me back into my addiction (alcohol), and now I am finally starting to "get it". He is now working his program (without me) and I'm working mine. I hope he does well in life, however, we just about killed each other (emotionally) and I don't see us ever repairing the damage. It just never does go well. If I was married to him, maybe we would have stuck it out? I don't know. If you aren't married, I'd get away and find something else to make you happy. You (nobody) needs the heartache that is ahead.

Bottom line, just take care of yourself. Al Anon is a GREAT place to start. It is meant JUST for family and friends of alcoholics/addicts. You'll find a great support system, great resources. They won't tell you to leave him. They will help you to get your head on straight. However, it does work out for some folks, but, you will have a much better chance if you are also in the program. Good luck to you.

[hbb]

Hi Blue Eyes,

You can read my history, my ex-boyfriend is an alcoholic. A few months into our relationship i couldn't take it anymore. He was drunk everyday as early as 3 p.m. Very very reluctantly he agreed to AA and for the next 6 months he was MISERABLE and a dry drunk.

In the end he cheated on me with his ex, denied it, and said things like i deserved better and he was just depressed, miserable, in financial ruin. You name it! I know deep down that he did me the BIGGEST favor but it still hurts. You deserve so much better than they way your bf is treating you. I think when they are in first year recovery they don't know if they are coming or going. I would not have very high expectations, at least not right now. See what happens a ways down the road if you want but i know if i were to do it again i would have RUNNNNNNNNNN for the hills from the beginning.

I'm not sure if you are aware but there are forums here for family/friends of addicts and alcoholics. Come on by and read. Unfortunately there are so many of us in the same situations. I'm also so grateful to hear from the recovering buddies as well

Hang in there and keep posting and reading, your in a great place.

[anvilhead]

um guys....this post started in 2004..........

[hbb]

ok Anvil, minor technicality and a waste of my breathe!!!!!! Show off!!!!

[anvilhead]

:rof

[hbb]

I looked but there is no symbol for i'm blind!!!! I should pay more attention lol OR mind my business and stick to my forum lol!!!!!!

[splendra]

Originally Posted by blue_eyes18

He said I deserve better

The above statement is probably the truest thing you have ever heard come out of his mouth.

Take care of you sweetie...

[tommyk]

So anyhow... how does the story end? Tell me. They are not airing the episodes any longer.

(Just kidding... )

I too was reading along diligently until reminded how old the thread is.)