Time to take control of my life!

[Kenster]

I guess that I've known I'm an alcoholic for about four years now, and I always thought that the easiest thing to do was just to accept that. I would get up, drive to work almost in tears every day disgusted with myself for getting drunk the previous night and promise myself that tonight I would have a night off the drink, then I'd work all day, drive home, stop off at the shops and buy myself a case of beer!! This has gone on for a few years now, cost me a couple of relationships, 1 job and sent me to the lowest points of depression. I decided last night that I didn't want this anymore. So today I went online to see if there was any sites offering help or advice and I stumbled across this one. Although I've thought about it before I don't feel comfortable going to a meeting yet and I'm not at all religeous, so to see the sort of support that each of you give to each other gave me an enormous lift. I expect that I will be on here a lot because determined as I am, I'm not sure if I have the strength of character to do this on my own. So, here's hoping that this lonely guy across the water in Scotland may soon see a small sparkle of light at the end of what seems to be a very long and dark tunnel! It's only been 1 day, but it is the first one in about 3 years.

Kenster

[Dan]

Welcome Kenster.
I'm Dan, accross the pond in Canada.
You're absolutely right, SoberRecovery is all about people supporting eachother in our efforts to better our lives, and to find a way to live free from active alcoholism and addiction.
So glad you're here, and that you've made a decision and a commitment to change.
There are several ways to break that cycle of drinking, waking up with grief and frustration, getting through the day and somehow, starting all over again in the evening. You are not alone friend. And that sparkle of light will reveal itself to you if you look for it with new eyes, and an open heart.
Again, welcome

[KelKel]

Hi Kenster
Welcome aboard...
Glad you stumbled upon this site.
It is a special place.
Looking forward to having you around.
My name is Kel, I am an alcoholic that is grateful to be sober today.
I have not been able to successfully stay sober on my own, I have found that I need the fellowship of others going through the same thing.

[best]

Welcome Kenster

As you look about and read the posts of many, you will see you are not alone and this is something that can be done. Those of us who are now sober are that proof.
Step one admitting there is a problem that needs be delt with
Step two seeking answers and help

Seems you are well on the way.
Deal with this one day at a time. You are stopping for the day. Tomorrow when you wake, you can set your sights on staying sober for that day.
Not picking up the first can...saying no to alcohol a moment at a time if need be...You will make it through.
Know there is help and support
Know that you are not alone
Know that you can do it... even if it takes a try or two... I believe in you, that you can do it.

[2dayzmuse]

(((Kenster)))

Welcome to SR. I can so relate to your story. It's such a mystery why we put ourselves through so much misery through drinking. I now know, that the choice is mine to make. I choose not to drink. I'm here to let your know, that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You have stumbled upon a wonderful community of people who care and understand your predicament. I wish you well on day one and many more days to follow. I'm looking forward to getting to know your story and your progress. Good luck and here is the sparkle of light you hoped for.

Take care,

Talia

[junem]

Welcome Kenster from June, a recovering alcoholic in Canada. For an alcoholic to drink has nothing to do with our stregth of character. Many of us have proven to have great character, restraint and discipline in other matters but are completely lost when it comes to mood altering substances such as alcohol. This si a disease and just as the diabetic has blood sugars that are hard to regulate without help, alcoholics need help not to drink. I hope you get the support you need from us but keep an open mind about meetings. Maybe at another time you may want to give it a try. 12 step meetings are not for the religious just for those trying to find their own meaning to life and anything goes. You choose your own philosophy in spiritual matters. I am routing for you as you travel through day 1 of this journey called recovery. It can only be done one day at a time and some times one moment at a time. I had been at wedding on the weekend and although I didn't drink the sight of all that booze has my mind preoccupied with the thoughts of alcohol today. You know why?? Because I am an alcoholic!!!!! A non-alcoholic would not be so preoccupied by what was seen as I Boy, am I ever an alcoholic. Good luck today!!

[Kenster]

Thanks for everything that you have said. I've been reading other peoples "stories" most of the afternoon, and it seems strange to see so many people writing the same story as me, only in their own words - but these people have proved what can be achieved and that this horrible lifestyle can be broken. I think I'll stay on, or very close to here until it's time for bed, as its coming up for 7 in the evening here which is pretty much when I would normally be cracking open my first bottle.

Thanks again
talk soon

Kenster

[Sandy Marie]

Hi Kenster,
Welcome to SR. You don't have to be religious to be here. I've been here for a month now and there're people on these pages from all walks of life with all kinds of addictions and some not sure. Not one of us has all the answers...just bits and pieces...trying to match the puzzle pieces with other posters. This place'll grow on you after awhile. Just take what you need and leave the rest. Glad you're here and congratulations for making it this far.
Sandy

[degadar]

Hi Kenster, Glad you found SR. Believe me, life is so much better sober. Your post could have been written by me a year and a half ago.
Quitting will take dedication and effort. It's cruel too - you'll wake up tomorrow morning feeling worse than ever most likely - I did.

Not sure if there's one single piece of my experience I Can pass on that may help - maybe spend tomorrow burning bridges. Tear up credit cards, and carry only enough cash to buy lunch, and plan something to do tomorrow evening. Something away from drink. Temptation wains slowly - and you're going to need a plan.

Forgive me rattling - Just, wanting to do anything I can.

I'll be about for a bit tonight if you need to chat.

Deg.

[Kenster]

Sandy, Degs, thanks for the advice.

Well, thats nearly the first night done, cant drink anymore water and I'm beginning to feel incredibly bored so I'm going to take a couple of sleeping pills and hit the sack for tonight - but not before I cross off day 1 on my diary!!

Talk soon

Kenster

[Bonni]

(((((Hi Kenster)))))
Welcome to Sober Recovery! Just keep taking "one day at a time"; thats what works for me. Love, Bonni ((big hugs))

[degadar]

Hi, Kenster, I'm just off myself - just checking back to see how it was going.

Don't forget to list out the danger points and work out a plan to avoid them.

Speak to you on day 2.

Deg

[Kenster]

Just thought I'd say hello again, Day 2 coming to an end and it wasn't to bad. Had the worst sleep last night however, uncontrollable jerking and kicking out everytime I began to drift off, then woke up to find a perfect sillouette of me from head to toe from sweat on the bed. Now, I'm quite a well groomed person, so it wasn't the best when I was sitting at a meeting at work and I could actually smell this stuff ( sort of stale alcohol & sweat together) coming through my pores, felt a bit embarressed and then started to wonder if it had always been like that except that I wasn't aware of it before, felt even more embarressed after that thought. When do things start to go back to normal? I mean when will I start to sleep all night (without taking tablets) without sweating off about 6lbs? When will my eyes turn white again? I'm not wanting to sound stupid, but is it likely to be 1 month, 3 months, 6 months? I'm also worried about losing friends, as I don't really want to have this conversation with them. So how do I tell guy's that I've been drinking with socially for the past 16 years, that I've just decided not to do it anymore? How did you all manage it? Or did you just come clean to everyone? Anyway, 6 litres of water and 48 hours gone and I'm feeling quite pleased with myself!! It's kind of strange, because I dont feel comfortable talking to my friends of nearly 30 years and yet I feel as though I'm talking to you all 1 on 1 when I write on here, so thanks for listening and thanks for talking back without casting judgement.

And 2dazemuze, Thanks for the sparkle of light.

Talk soon

Kenster

[Dan]

That real special kind of sweat... I remember it well Kenster.
It's alcohol withdrawal, and it's different for everyone really. Regular sleep does return.
It took just under a week for me. And I was at two litres of vodka a day when I quit.
I would certainly talk to your physician, as he/she will be best suited to advise you from a medical standpoint. Withdrawal can be a serious thing. Be attentive to yourself, and the signals your body and mind send you.
I was pretty much a hermit towards the end, without much of a social life, therefore I really didn't have to tell anyone about my drinking. I had simply discarded friends along the way, as their concerns for me became an impediment to my enjoying my alcohol.
But there a plenty of folks here who have had to deal with social situations such as you describe, and I hope they find this thread and share their experience with you.

Well done on 48 hours man.
The worst of the physical stuff should be over soon.
On a personal note, I want to thank you for reminding me of where I don't want to go again. Several of my withdrawal episodes were horrible enough to preclude even troubled sleep for days at a time.
I am grateful for being able to sleep today.

[Sandy Marie]

Hi Kenster,
Congratulations on making it through DAY 2. I was miserable on DAY 2 so I know where you are. Don't lose your resolve.
Sandy

[2dayzmuse]

(((Kenster))) Good morning to all the fine people in Scotland. I love the opportunity to correspond with people across the globe. I hope day three finds you better rested. Your definately over the bump so to speak. The first few days can be so grueling. I had abused alcohol for so long, I felt I had to drink to feel normal. Thats not right, not right at all. :nono: At day 59 I realize what it is to feel good again. I never want to allow the poison alcohol, to enter my body again. I hope the sun is shining upon you today (it's raining in Washington state) and have a great 24 today. Take care...

Talia

[Tracy]

Hang in there, Kenster. You should be through the worst of detox now. Hopefully, you woke after a more peaceful night's sleep and feel better today.

Don't feel like you have to explain it to your friends. Just tell them you decided to quit for health reasons.

Good luck on day 3. I'm thinking about you.

[junem]

Feel good about every sober day you earn my friend. You should feel much better physically in a week. Sleep will return and when it does it will be a far better quality of sleep than you have had in a long time. You will be amazed at how well rested and refreshed you will feel as you experience sober sleep. I was alot like DangerousDan in that I was pretty reclusive with my drinking but I did do some bar drinking at one time and those people who were in my life then either are willing to meet me in coffee shops or have drifted away. You will come to be suprised at all the people who actually were aware you hhave a drinking problem and never said anything to you about it. Many of those people will be glad that you are now doing something about the problem and taking back your life and going to be living healthier. I have been honest with most people in my life ( co-workers, employer ect) and have found them to be very suportive of me. Glad to hear your drinking plenty of water. And yes it is true. Us recovering alchies have a special bond and you really notice that at 12 step meetings. Talk to you later Kenster June

[Kenster]

Day 3 passes quite well, had to work night shift tonight and then for the next 3 nights. Normally I've got drink in the house, but as I dont crave it in the mornings I find it not to hard not to buy it before I go to work, and by the time I finish I cant buy it anywhere, feel pretty hellish right now and I could murder a drink of just about anything, but at least I dont have the option of going to get it from anywhere!!! Thought I could give up the old ciggies at the same time, but alas, after 2 days that craving has got the better of me. But I suppose, best to try walking before I start running!! Thanks for keeping in touch, hopefully chat at some point over the next few days. If I dont get the chance then have a relaxing weekend.

Talk later

Kenster

[jmhs002]

Kenster,

I am just finishing day 1 and it went OK. I am trying to follow the one day at a time (or in my case, one minute at a time) motto. Stay safe.

[Kenster]

Well I cant quite believe it, I've actually managed the first week. I know it's only 7 days but god it feels great to actually achieve even that. Thanks for the support guy's. Still don't feel as great as I thought I might but then I suppose I would be kidding myself if I thought that I could put my body back to normal after the last 15 years in the space of just 1 week!! My sleep patern has began to return to normal again, and I've started to run again as well, actually entered for next years Edinburgh and London marathons just to give myself another target - considering the NY marathon as well but that may prove too expensive. Finding it difficult to fill all my spare time with something to do, so as not to think about drinking, checked the local papers to see if there was any groups that needed volunteers - then began to doubt myself and didn't want to let anyone down, so I think I'll pass on that until I'm a little bit further down this road!!! Have noticed 1 thing, there appears to be money in my bank account!!! I dont recall that happening before. Yet another reason to stay motivated.

Talk later

Kenster

[ChrisMan]

Kenster,

To be sober is a great achievement, one day at a time -- whether it is one week or one year. So congratulations!!

[Kenster]

Hello strangers, It's been 11 months since I came to this site with intention of getting and remaining sober, and it's been about 10 months since I failed in those aspirations. Sadly, I haven't even attempted to stay sober in the time in between, not sure why, guess it was the easiest of the many options open to me.
Sorry to have let down those of you who showed and offered me your support the first time around. It seems strange that one individuals (namely me) lack of courage and inner strength can affect so many other peoples lives, from my familly and friends , to my workmates who have attempted to protect me on numerous occasions by covering up for my own shortcomings, whilst putting their own carreers at risk. I'm not sure how many second chances I've had in my life so far, but I guess I'm hoping for yet another one here. Would still love to experience the freedom of life without alchohol, so I'll be in touch from time to time and hopefully, I'll be a strong enough character to actually follow through on some of the promises that I've made to myself and others alike. Take care and thanks for listening.


Kenster