Not blaming ourselves ...
Redmayne
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
Not blaming ourselves ...
In recovery, I've found that one of the mainstays of mine and I'd suggest others is to not blame ourselves for what, if like me you suffer from alcoholism, for what is out of our control.
Accepting that it's a two fold disease/illness comprising of a physical allergy and a mental obsession, which only manifests itself if you drink alcohol, of course it's equally capable of becoming an addiction if you abuse your consumption of it....so it becomes a mental obsession, which in turn may come about for all sorts of reasons, beyond our control.
After all, as Epictetus, A Greek philosopher said, 'Man is not disturbed by things, but his view of things,'...
Either way, in recovery, I've learnt the truth in a statement made by William Knauss, one of the pioneers of teaching cognitive therapy that: ' What happens to us may not be our fault, but how we think about it is our responsibility.'
And as it's widely known, the main problem for the alcoholic, of whatever persuasion, is centered in the mind, it's not too difficult to see that the importance, in our approach to recovery from virtually anything of that statement, particularly in taking responsibility as to how we think about it ...
Obviously I can only speak for myself, suffering , 'under the lash of John Barleycorn,' have experienced or may, whatever the state of their recovery together with those other events. Which I now realize where beyond my control before my alcoholism ever manifested itself.
For which, with the assistance of Stoic philosophy, which basically suggests, whatever our talents or abilities, the best we can do is be wise, temperate, courageous and just, the rest is God's, or if you Providence's business.
I think it befalls all of us, in recovery, not least in the early stages, not to blame ourselves for those things beyond our control, but to recognize and accept, that how we think about it, is our responsibility .... which, I now realize on reflection was HUGE mistake in my own recovery, not least as I thought that, perhaps understandbly that having been relieved of the desire to drink alcohol, was all that life required of me...learning that to no longer carry the blame of things outside my control, mainly those buried deep in my past, sees me, and I hope for others, sharing this perception, making great strides in both recovery and life itself...
Accepting that it's a two fold disease/illness comprising of a physical allergy and a mental obsession, which only manifests itself if you drink alcohol, of course it's equally capable of becoming an addiction if you abuse your consumption of it....so it becomes a mental obsession, which in turn may come about for all sorts of reasons, beyond our control.
After all, as Epictetus, A Greek philosopher said, 'Man is not disturbed by things, but his view of things,'...
Either way, in recovery, I've learnt the truth in a statement made by William Knauss, one of the pioneers of teaching cognitive therapy that: ' What happens to us may not be our fault, but how we think about it is our responsibility.'
And as it's widely known, the main problem for the alcoholic, of whatever persuasion, is centered in the mind, it's not too difficult to see that the importance, in our approach to recovery from virtually anything of that statement, particularly in taking responsibility as to how we think about it ...
Obviously I can only speak for myself, suffering , 'under the lash of John Barleycorn,' have experienced or may, whatever the state of their recovery together with those other events. Which I now realize where beyond my control before my alcoholism ever manifested itself.
For which, with the assistance of Stoic philosophy, which basically suggests, whatever our talents or abilities, the best we can do is be wise, temperate, courageous and just, the rest is God's, or if you Providence's business.
I think it befalls all of us, in recovery, not least in the early stages, not to blame ourselves for those things beyond our control, but to recognize and accept, that how we think about it, is our responsibility .... which, I now realize on reflection was HUGE mistake in my own recovery, not least as I thought that, perhaps understandbly that having been relieved of the desire to drink alcohol, was all that life required of me...learning that to no longer carry the blame of things outside my control, mainly those buried deep in my past, sees me, and I hope for others, sharing this perception, making great strides in both recovery and life itself...
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I stopped blaming myself for things outside of my control, and started blaming myself for my own poor decisions. I was only able to stop making those bad choices when I took full responsiblity for the results of those choices. That is what allowed my to finally step up and demand more for myself, and of myself. That is what allowed me to choose sobriety.
To borrow from another thread on this subforum, I also treated myself with compassion and gave myself a fresh start only if my choice of sobriety would be permanent and unconditional.
To borrow from another thread on this subforum, I also treated myself with compassion and gave myself a fresh start only if my choice of sobriety would be permanent and unconditional.
Redmayne
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
Evidence...
Thank you for providing evidence of a truly, positive and constructive mental attitude...as Epictetus AD 50 - 120, a lame slave who became a notable Greek philosopher said,'Men aren't disturbed by things, but the view which they take of things.'
As recovery from anything, not least alcoholism, is centered in the mind, the value of that statement can and must not be underestimated by anyone.
As recovery from anything, not least alcoholism, is centered in the mind, the value of that statement can and must not be underestimated by anyone.
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