child of an alcoholic

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Hi everyone...or should I say my new family.
I'm having problems at home. for 8 yrs now my mom has been an alcoholic and I've had to put up with her drunken tempers and her verbal and physical abuse towards me. I'm only 12 and I can't stand it! I wanna grow up so fast and just leave this place. Or I just hope that my dad'll divorce my mom. I really wish everything would go back to her first beer, so I could talk my mom out of it. But It won't happen. see...I have to live with my mom for 6 yrs more and then I'm hoping that I'll be able to leave. That's my motivation. My mother verbally and physically abuses me. More verbal though, since she knows that she'll end up in jail if she does physical. But can't you go anyway for verbal abuse to? I really appreciate cynthia's help but I'm still having problems.
When my mom get's her tempers, I eat because I feel so lonely and depressed. I don't think anyone notices...I think that they just think that I'm a growing child and that I need the nutrition. But I know the real reason. My brother is so tired of my mom that he wants to go into the army..or into a rehabilitatoin center. I love my brother, he's pretty much all my support. My shoulder to lean on you know. I can tell him something and he'll keep it quiet. not my mom.
Like once, I went out to get the mail. My brother has this friend across the street from our house. I thought because he was a friend of my brother's that I could trust him. See this guy's like 22 or something like that. when he called me over I went over to him. And he tried to kiss me! I pushed him away and said what are you doing? and then I said no and he said later?. Scared and almost crying I ran home. Immediatly I told my brother out in the backyard where my mother wouldn't hear it.My brother was sooooo mad I felt really bad by putting this out on him. And then my brother told my dad. My brother invited over one of his girl friends...not girlfriend girl friend, and she gave me some support. I started crying really hard and she hugged me...and then my mom walked in. She went straight after the girl thinking that she had hurt me. She and I ran out into the backyard and took the fence out to the front. She almost threw up because she can't really stand pressure like that. My dad explained it all to my mom. MY MOM WENT FURIOUS! she started running across the street towards the guy with a stick! and then a mop handle and a broom handle! (all through the time I was crying and apologizing to the girl because I felt sorry about getting her into it. she reassured me that it was all right.) Finally the cops came and started sorting things out. they handcuffed my mom and put her in the car for being publicly drunk and took her to jail. My dad didn't want any problems so when the guy across the street denied it...he let it go but kept it in the permanent files.
That night was so upsetting for me. I couldn't sleep cause I had nightmares forever about him. just a kiss...just a kiss???? but it was from a guy who was almost twice my age! I hated all of this and that's pretty much when I started eating. That was a pretty long time ago about a year. When I was 11. I tell all my friends at school about my problems...only the ones that I know I can trust though.
Trying to help myself, I keep motivations for myself. Every year I try out for some club or activity. For the past 5yrs I've been in chorus...I love to sing and do it well so I hope that this will help me.

I'd appreciate your e-mails at fluffymom1@msn.com

Thank you,
Heather

[Gabe]

Hey Heather,
I grew up in a family where my mother's alcoholism had some very negative affects on my life. Alateen was my lifeline to better things. If there is a way you can get to an Alateen meeting, I strongly recommend it. You will meet people there who understand what you're dealing with.
Gabe

thank you gabe...I'll talk to my dad about it...see if I can somehow get into the alateen meetings...

Thank you very much,
heather

[Patsyd1]

Hi Heather,

Its wonderful Heather that you try out for clubs and activities at school, and have been in the Chorus for 5 years....thats FANTASTIC and I hope you will continue to do those things for you Heather, you sound like a sweet and wonderful girl. ((((((Heather)))))))


I understand too whats its like to grow up in an alcoholic abusive home and the effects of alcoholism. Heather this is a family disease, and it creates dysfunction, confusion, anger and fear for everyone.

Heather alateen is a wonderful recovery program and I would suggest also that you begin attending alateen meetings, there you will find hope, support, understanding and recovery with many who understand what you are going through and they can give you not only support, but they have a wonderful way through the 12 Steps.

This is a toll free number for Alanon/Alateen. Call this number and you can speak with a live Alanon member who can help direct you to Alateen meetings in your area.
Alanon WorldWide... 1-888-4AL-ANON
Call the above number Monday through Fridays 8 a.m.- 6 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.



Heather I would also suggest talking with the school counselor or another adult who can help you. What this 22 year old did, was not only wrong, but it is illegal. I am not saying that the way your mom handled it was ok, it wasn't ofcourse. But I can not sit here and tell you that I wouldn't have been furious as well. Under that fury is fear, fear that this man's abuse of you could have gone further. There is a name for what this 22 yr old did, and he is called a "child molester" Any 22 yr old who is kissing an 11 yr old, and saying "later"....needs to be reported immediately to an adult who can take proper actions to protect you as well as other children. Your dad may not have wanted anymore problems, but honey this kind of secret is not good, and it is an adults responsibility to report this kind of behavior to the police and the authorities so that this 22 yr old can not harm you or another child again.

Family secrets are very harmful, and the do not talk, do not feel rule that is ingrained in us as children and found in all alcoholic homes, is not healthy at all for anyone.

Trying to help yourself alone against the disease of alcoholism, isn't a good idea Heather. You are 12 yrs old and although you may feel very mature because of what you have been through growing up in an alcoholic home, it is always best to find a responsible adult who you trust and allow them to help you.

A school Counselor, the school nurse, or a guidance counselor can help you Heather as well as the alateen meetings.

Honey what this 22 yr old did, was wrong, and you need to talk with a responsible adult who can take action to help you, and to assure that this 22 yr old gets help and that he doesn't do that to any other child, and to make sure that you get the help that you need Heather in dealing with what happened to you. What happened to you is very frightening and scarey for any child and you need to bring this information to an adult, and if that adult can't help you or feels its best to not to do anything, then you need to bring to another adult until you get the help and support that you deserve Heather.

All children need to be protected from this 22 yr old and all child molesters like him. It IS an adults responsibility to protect you and other children from this man and to take the proper steps to do that.

God Bless you honey and anyone would be proud to know you, you are such a beautiful gift Heather.

Patsy

Thank you very much...My dad did tell the police and I of course gave them all the information that they needed. They didn't arrest him I guess because it was only an attempt and not a "do". I don't know, but they should be a little bit more smart you know? What if he tries it on another person and that time he doesn't stop? Like there's this 9 yr old girl next door and she is a very trusting person. her sister is very best friends with the 22 yr olds family. I'm scared that sooner or later, he's gonna try it on her. Of course, I told her what he did...cause I guess she didn't know wich is pretty surprising considering how loud it was that my mom yelled it out. For now she stays clear of over there, she doesn't go over to his house anymore unless her sister is there with her, or another adult that she knows. When I went over there, I was stupid and didn't have anyone else there with me. It was strange thought that he would do that because my friends, Tracy and Kevin were outside and hanging out playing basketball. The only reason why they didn't see me was because the guy had pushed me over into this little slot. I should have screamed or something, but I didn't. He denied everything, just like I knew he would when the cops went over to question him. People are always asking me how I knew that he was going to kiss me...I dunno how I knew. He kinda licked his lips and looked at mine...he had that weird look in his eye too. OH god I still have nightmares about that night. But as I'm always saying to myself and my dad is always saying to me...everything will be fine and I will survive.

Thank you for your consideration,
Heather

[Patsyd1]

Hi Heather

I am glad to hear that the police are at least aware of this guy.

Heather, did you call the above alanon number and find out where the alateen meetings are in your area?

Patsy

no I haven't called yet because I need to talk to my dad about it. My dad needs to know about these things...I can't keep them from him. I'll find out if my aunt will take me on any time bases, meaning anytime at all. I'll find out asap...but tomorrow I'm going to a nature center where I volunteer to help out the animals.


God bless you all,

Heather

[sweeks]

Hi Heather,

I just have to say :35: for trying to get yourself some help now. I'm 22 years old and my mom is an alcoholic too. I've just now started going to al-anon meetings and you'll be amazed how much it will help you understand your mom and how much it will help YOU to understand the things you are feeling. Good Luck and Good Job for being so proactive about it while you are young. :35:

[Patsyd1]

Originally Posted by Heather D.

no I haven't called yet because I need to talk to my dad about it. My dad needs to know about these things...I can't keep them from him. I'll find out if my aunt will take me on any time bases, meaning anytime at all. I'll find out asap...but tomorrow I'm going to a nature center where I volunteer to help out the animals.


God bless you all,

Heather

((((((((Heather))))))))))

Patsy

I told my dad about it...he said it would be all right but of course as you know my mom probably wouldn't like the idea of me going. So I'd need some form of transportation which I'll probably have to ask my aunt about. My dad works from 5:00 AM to 7:00 PM so he's out of the question. I'll call and ask about meetings and then ask about my transportation to make sure that that person is ready for it.

Thanks bunches patsy!! and everyone else!!!!

God bless you all,

Heather

Thank you sweeks....I hope that you do well with the al-ano. I'm sure that this will be a great experiance.

[Marie 23]

Heather,
I was a member of Alateen for many years. I was one of the lucky few that ever got help. Alateen is a program that will bring so much to your life.
And once your mother does find out where you are going, she may react with anger, and then again it may just be disguising the hurt, shame, and sadness that she will feel when she realizes that she has let her child down. She may even get angry because she will feel that you are going to these meetings to bad mouth her or to air the family's dirty laundry. I'm not trying to scare you out of going, but I do think that you need to be prepared. Perhaps when you go to your first meeting ask how the other members handled their alcoholics.

Good luck!!!

Thanks Marie...

I see...I really do know how my mom would react. She'd think that the alateen was trying to brainwash me. She thinks that my granparents, the refrigerator, and other mechanical things send out brain waves that can brainwash you
My mom thinks that everyone that's not on her part of her family are totally crazy.

Thanks
heather

thank you very much,

I'll be looking forward to your e-mails.

And for more people who want to e-mail me e-mail me at fluffymom1@msn.com


Thank you and god bless you all,

heather