DeannaM77

I joined SR almost 7 weeks ago and have really been struggling to stop drinking. My first attempt was 5days, then 8 and now 2 weeks before slipping again. I thought about staying off this site for a while. Or at least until I had something positive to report. When I am not drinking, I start feeling so good that my AV starts convincing me that I can handle just a few and that few turns into 3 or 4 nights of drinking. So ashamed that I keep repeating this. I have 4 beautiful young daughters who would be lost without me. Shouldn't that be enough to give this up? Why am I being so selfish? My relationship with their father is falling apart and I am not sure that I even want to be in it anymore. I have been unhappy in this relationship for years and tried to end things numerous times. He refuses to go, he loves his kids, loves me and thinks he can get me to love him again. We've drifted apart and I don't think we can get back what we once had. But he always cries and makes me feel sorry for him. So I give in and go back on the path of pretending. Maybe there's hope that the sober me could love him again. I could really use any kind of hope, encouragement, support, stories, advice..... I know I need to figure out a more positive way to deal with life. The stress sometimes gets overwhelming. I work full time, pay 90% of all the bills and anything else we need. I really want to stay sober and am definitely a much happier person when I am not drinking. I can't continue to let my AV sabotage that anymore. I don't really have anyone in my life to talk to about my addiction so I continue coming to this website. I love knowing that there is so many going through this. Doesn't make me feel so alone. I don't want to keep hiding so that is why I came back on to confess. I am not giving up because I know that I can do this.

PurpleKnight

Never give up deanyya!!

I finally had to accept that I can't control alcohol, surrender that no matter how much abstinence I've had, it doesn't cure or fix me, that 1st drink will always end up the same way, my drinking spiralling as bad as ever!!

You can do this!!

aasharon90

I am grateful that my family did step
in when they did to get me into rehab
where I could find out why I was drinking,
so unhappy in my marriage, and it's affects
on myself and others around me.

I needed to be educated about addiction
and was glad I had the opportunity when
I was 30 yrs. old, with 2 little ones about
3 and 6 and with about 8yrs married.

Getting into recovery I became the best
role model for my babies because when
they began school I worried about peer
pressure and its affects on them especially
when it came to drugs or alcohol.

My home was alcohol free and they had
both parents to guide them, teach them,
motivate them into the right direction and
with me in recovery, I would be the one they
could get first hand experience of what addiction
can do to someone as well as recovery.

Both are little adults now, on their own,
living addiction free, happy, healthy prosperous
lives which to me is absolutely a gift from Above.

My 25 yr. marriage did end peacefully and
both of us have remarried and have no
contact with him. I grew and changed to
become a healthier, happier, honest member
in recovery, my marriage and in life itself.

Marriages in recovery can be successful when
both parties are practicing principles and steps
of a recovery program, or counciling in order
to remain healthy and happy together.

My husband saw no need for either because
he wasn't the sick one in the family and thus
we had problems with communication and
understanding causing us to separate.

Do all there is needed in this marriage
and if it doesn't work, take it to the next
step to insure that you can live a healthy,
happy life for you and ur daughters down
the road. To be the best parent you can
possibly be to them.

IOAA2

Hi Deanyaa I hope your OK today.
I’m as old as dirt and saber for awhile and kindly suggest heading out and finding some AA meetings. Plenty in Pontiac. I say this because with women working with women there is an easier communication path which helps us get and stay sober. It’s a place where we are understood if we said I’m in fear and want help. If you looked you might also find all womens meetings, it depends on your needs for now.
The bottom line is try not to procrastinate and just don’t drink even if you want to.

BE WELL

Soberwolf

Just keep trying I was the same couldn't stop 1 day here 3 days here in the end it just happened enough was enough

You can do it it is always possible

I'd like to meet a person who was alcoholic and gave up drinking on the first attempt we are called alcoholics for a reason !

freddyc

Hi Deanyya,

Obviously, I have no idea what the issues are in your relationship with your husband. But, it sounds like you don't "feel" like you love him anymore. My life really changed when I realized that love is a choice not a feeling. That's true love. The feelings will come and go. And I suspect that if you choose to love your husband, you'll get some of the feelings back. However, don't buy the Hollywood lie that your relationship needs the "good feelings" to be legitimate. You can make the choice to love your husband despite the feelings. It's what's best for you, your husband and your kids for sure. There are days when I really don't like my wife and she annoys me. I'm sure she "feels" the same way about me sometimes. But, it's the choice underneath the feelings that makes it worth it. Give it a try...you'll see.

Mountainmanbob

most of us here share that in common with you
much happier when not drinking

please keep coming back here to site
and share and make friends

maybe also consider AA
we truly can relate with most of the ones there in those rooms

M-Bob

fini

deanyya,

stick around.
i did much what you describe, until i didn't anymore.

not being here, staying off this site when it's the one place you speak honestly about what's going on with you, would be the opposite of helpful, yes?

don't give up, keep talking, keep connecting. use the place where you can be honest. add to it if you can, in face-to-face life.
disappearing just adds isolation and more hiding.

Amy2011

I was not happy in my marriage at the end of my drinking career and for the first year I was sober. Eventually as I started to heal those around me started to heal also. My drinking took a toll not only on me, but also on my marriage and my husband. I'm 3 1/2 years sober now and things are pretty good. I'm glad I got sober, focused on myself, and then worked on the marriage. Work on your sobriety, get some time under your belt, and then work on your marriage. One thing at a time worked best for me. It's hard to think clearly when your drinking or in the fog of early sobriety. Good luck!

silentrun

You CAN do this Denyya. I agree with some of the other posters about the hubby. Give yourself a chance to heal then see were you are at.

DeannaM77

Thank you everyone for your kind words, support, advice, thoughts, encouragement. ... It really means a lot to be able to talk to others who understand what I am going through. My relationship with hubby is improving. I feel I should give it another try while sober. Sober me and drunk me are nothing alike. Drinking causes me to think negatively. I hate having to admit this but I went to a car cruise Saturday night and decided I was going to drink and did. I have no excuses to drink, just my own stupidity that keeps doing this to myself. I need a better plan and I need to take action now. I appreciate SR and all of you I know I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I have asked hubby to give me a little time right now so I can get to know myself again and get sober and stay sober. I am now taking some time out for myself.

fini

plan and action....good thinking, deanyya.

care to share a bit about what your better plan includes and what actions you're planning to take?

littlefish

I put my recovery at the top of my list of problems to work on. In fact, I cleared the list and had recovery as the ONLY thing to work on. I too felt my marriage was failing. But I decided that I wasn't going to worry about it, I was going to concentrate on getting sober. Everything else could wait. My marriage, all the other problems I had. Could wait.
And actually, everything else did wait.

After all, I wouldn't have been able to solve any of my problems anyway, drinking.

It sounds like you have no program or a very limited one. I would definitely recommend a program. It can be anything, AA or RR, an outpatient, an addictions therapist. Or, you can do like I did; I did several things at once.
I essentially threw everything into the recovery mix: I couldn't go on living the way I was living in chronic alcoholism, or, more accurately, existing. I didn't really live when I drank, just functioned.

DeannaM77

I keep telling myself that if I continue on slipping then I will have to force myself to go to an A A meeting. The thought of it does scare me just a little because I am a normally really quiet person and don't let to many people into my personal life. I tend to push people away Also thinking about maybe talking to a therapist. Because I really do hold so much inside. I've been writing in a journal to let some of this out. I have been going out doors more often. Walking and playing with the kids. . I still have a lot of planning to do. .I am always on line resourcing anything to do with alcoholism and recovery. Thanks everyone for your responses.Any help is greatly appreciated My actions for the moment are to focus on what I will do tomorrow to ensure I stay sober. I will not drink tonight. I have no desire to drink. And tonight I will spend it with the kids and hug them tight. They are my biggest motivation.

Jason913

Kids are a great motivator but if you know you have a problem go to the place that people with problems go.....AA. I assumed it was a bunch of skid row bums due to ignorance. I visited and discovered these are people from all walks of life. Accountants, nurses, construction workers, doctors, salespeople, etc....just go and listen for a while. Maybe you will discover that it is helpful for you. It can't hurt. Nervous about a visit and running into a neighbor? Go to one in a neighboring community. Don't like the people at the one you go to? Try a different group. Give it a shot and learn the methods that can relieve the obsession of a drink. If you think it is for crackpots with real problems after a few visits then no harm you spent a few hours doing some sober research. Good luck! My kids have benefitted from AA though they have never been.

aasharon90

I was a shy one too going to AA meetings
for a long long time. I had the opportunity,
not by choice tho, to enter recovery thru
rehab for 28 days. Thru intervention I was
order by the court into rehab where I look
back on that time in my life 24 yrs ago,
and am very grateful for the experience
that helped me learn about my addiction
and receive a program of recovery to
incorporate in my everyday life.

When I returned home from rehab, my
husband had removed all traces of alcohol
in our home so there would be no temptation
to pick up as I would go thru changes in
myself.

I went to many of those meeting to learn
from others how they had stayed sober for a
many one days at a time. I hardly ever spoke
but im sure folks were keeping an eye on
me as I continue to suit up and show up
to so many different meetings.

Before I knew it I had about 7 yrs sobriety
before my little family relocated to Houston.
That saddened me because I was just beginning
to get comfortable in the fellowship that took
me so long to get and then had to leave.

However, I never forgot my wonderful friends
and yrs later did return to them, but now there
were many new faces beginning their journey
just as I had yrs ago.

I was also a mom with 2 little ones when I
began my journey and felt like I wouldn't
have anything in common with many of
those already in recovery. However, I
wanted and needed to remain sober not
only for me but for everything else in my
life.

I went, brought baked goodies, hide out
many times in meetings to not be called
on, then offered to read something at the
beginning of the meetings, said thank yous
to folks and returned to my little family day
in and day out till I began to understand
what being sober with a program of recovery
to help meant.

I continue on my journey today still following
all those steps and using all those awesome
tools I learned to remain sober, healthy and
happy just by passing on what my life was
like before during and after alcohol. To give
hope to those scared and confused that you
can achieve a strong solid recovery foundation
to live upon just by incorporating a program
of recovery in ur everyday life.

DeannaM77

.thank you for your responses. I go on vacation from work for one week August 30-6. Plan on my last drink being with my sister on her wedding. I hate to admit that I have been using that as a excuse to keep drinking in the moment. I really am so ready to give this up.... Already committed to give everything up 100% as of September 7. No more excuses. I will make an appointment with AA. I obviously can't do this alone.
..

DeannaM77

Because of you guys I know can see that AA could definitely work for me. I need some kind of structure. I was raised Catholic but this addiction has robbed me of any hope at all

aasharon90

I was raised Catholic as well, however, having
that gift of Faith I was raised on it has strengthened
my spiritual part of my recovery. I never blamed
God for any of my failures thru life and my
addiction.

I at first wondered why I was chosen to be
cursed with this addiction and over time
realized and learned that addiction is an
illness and sickness that affects millions
of people.

However, we are blessed with a program
of recovery that doesn't cost anything to
listen and learn from others who learned
themselves how to remain sober for long
periods of time.

I listened, learned, absorbed and applied
many useful tools provided to us in recovery
to remain sober for a many one days at a
time to get me where I am today.

The spiritual part of my program guides
me to be open and honest in all my affairs
and realize I do have a purpose in life.

I feel like I am sober for a reason. Sober
with a program of recovery to pass on to
those that will follow behind me as they
begin their own recovery journey. Just
like im doing here in SR.

How are folks to know recovery works
if members like me and countless others
don't share our ESH, experiences, strengths
and hopes of what our life was and is
like before, during and after our addiction
to the new member coming into recovery.

We have to carry the torch of recovery
so others have hope that if we can stay
sober a day at a time using a program
of recovery as a guideline then they can
too and live a life worth living for.

That's why we have many useful sayings
in recovery to learn and use for our own
benefit just like this one.....

Pass It On..!!

heath480

You don't need an appointment to go to AAjust look up the meetings in your area and turn up at one.

If you are nervous about going alone,call your local AA helpline.