Need some advice.

[alli30]

Last night truely hit rock bottom and not for the first time. Only difference is that this time I had all the love and support one could hope for. I have so much shame and guilt from my past that I will not let myself trust and believe in the ones that love and care about me. I was sober and clean for 2 and a half years and started drinking again this weekend and the guilt almost pushed me over the edge. I have a wonderful guy in my life that I refuse to believe loves me and know that if I don't get past my insecurities and believe in myself that I am gonna push him completely out of life and I truely want to be happy and enjoy life. Anyone have any advice for me?

[David 1]

Unfortunately, relapse is an issue - most people (including me) do not believe we are ever cured. I know I cannot drink, ever and I have accepted that.

What else can you do? - it is a new day and time for a new start. I would get to a lot of meetings and get some support; share your story. One thing I found is that alcoholics tend to really care about each other and know that by giving support, they also get it in return.

Alcohol - shame - guilt - doesn't sound rational, but that is our disease and diseases do not have feeelings or thoughts.

Start over - I for one am with you!

Dave

[best]

Dust off and pick up the 2 and a half years worth of practice, then continue... One day at a time... I will not pick up or take even a sip today...One day at a time I will stay sober. I have 2 1/2 years of proof I can do this. WIth the steps as a guide...I can do even longer then 2 1/2 years

As to trusting the guy in your life... has he given you solid reason to not trust him? If you trust and find you were wrong... are things really any better or worse then going about hidden from life as you trust no one?
If you trust and find out you are right in your choice and that the trust is deserved... You would be so much better off..Yes?
Doing nothing gets you nothing... Doing something will either gain you joy or a lesson learned. Either the lesson or the joy is a growth.

[fuster]

Alli:

You have nothing to offer a partner if you can't see value in yourself. Unfortunately we who are chemically dependent have the characteristic of low self esteem and a feeling of overwhelming worthlessness. We feel we do not deserve love. Part of that is due to the disease of alcoholism/drug addiction. It carries with it a price tag of constant broken promises that we make to ourselves. When we break our own promises to ourselves, we truly feel low or worthless.

Until you can learn to live with yourself, and love yourself, you can't give love to another. (You can't give away what you haven't got).

Recovery is all about recovering one's self esteem, re-discovery of our good points and re-discovery of our own capacity to love ourselves. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober?

[Gooch]

What fuster said about the self esteem was real close to what destroyed most of my relationships. I thought it was just the drugs, but even after being clean a few years, I figured out I was still sabotaging my relationships, because I was afraid if you really got to know the real me you would run the other way.

Valuable advice.. you have over 2 years experience in not picking up the first one. Get right back at the things that kept you straight in the beginning of those 2 years, meetings, sponsorship, fellowship, support network. etc.