How have you grown?

[namommy]

Let's share some hope. I thought it might be fun to compare ourselves to ourselves. What were you like in the beginning and what are you like now?

When I first got clean, I couldn't stand being in my own skin. I would go to meetings, and I couldn't pay attention. I sat in my seat rocking back and forth really hard and fast, with my eyes bugging out of my head. My hand constantly went up to push my hair back, I talked really fast and loud. I was always angry and yelling and cursing. One of my best friends today told me when she first came around she was afraid of me, she thought I was some kind of psycho would come in with a gun and blow away everyone in the meeting (we get a good laugh out of that).

Today, when I go to meetings, I am able to sit still and pay attention. I am able to focus on whoever is speaking and look people in the eyes when we talk. I don't rock any more (unless I am really really jammed up). I talk slower, clearer, and I don't yell anymore. I still curse sometimes, but not as much. I am not so angry anymore. I am very at peace with who I am, and I am happy with the direction my life is going. I can finally sit in my own skin.

Laurie D

[best]

:elephant :lumpy sideways *LOL*

[best]

Till I started to look inside at ME, I didn't really grow at all. Once I came to realize how selfish my actions were (sober) is when I started to see growth. As stated in a post or two on other threads... I sorta did the steps backwards but in time I have done them all. My selfish actions changing, my commitment to God, and my desire to help others were the last things to change in my life. I feel they were the most important things for my growth.
Sober I was able to function in life. Sober, bitter, selfish, at times rude, stubborn, pigheaded, but alcohol free. No money losted due to overspending at bars or lost time at work. No hangovers. No DUIs. No magnification of the imperfections in my charactor. Still I was not being the best I could be for me, for my family, for my employer...or as big as you want to make the list.
Stopping the alcohol intake was/is only a part of what growth I needed.
I am so ever greatful to My Lord for the proverbial 2 by 4 cross the side of my head that woke me up to what was needed after the drinking stopped.
be it the steps, be it the bible, be it the guidance from God... I am so ever grateful for the growth that comes from looking inside of self and seeing where change is needed. Past 4 years have been the best 4 years of the 29 years married. With the changes.. I am sure my wife would even say the same.
I was a "piece of work" before the changes... Now I am a piece of His works and touch in my life. Thank You Lord

[1Marty]

I was a total loner, desperate, scared, and in a lot of trouble due to my drinking. When i started in AA. I just went to meetings. I was too afraid to ask for help. Did not work any steps, heck I did't even know what the steps were! Thought that everyone was crazy talking about all that big book AA stuff. I left the metings feeling like a stranger trying to crash someones party. Everyone else was so happy, and I just felt so alone in AA. I could not imagine the position I'm in now. I put fear aside, got a sponsor, started working the strps. Now I am starting to feel like I belong. I am making friends. I am learning how to stay sober. More important, I'm learning how to live! The program is working for me because I am working for it.

[1Marty]

Originally Posted by best

sideways

[jenniferaz1980]

Omg It has been awhile since I thought about this.

My first meeting I felt so small. I sat there and my mind was going a million miles an hour and I could never rember what I heard. I would figit with thing constantly. When I did share I would get so nervouse I would feel like I was going to cry, and then could not get out what I wanted to say. I would get there right before the meeting and bult out there door at the end. I felt so out of place.

Now it is like my second home. I love it there. I love to listen to other and have learned alot from them. I love to meet newbies and always stick around th help when needed.

[namommy]

I love stories of hope.

I was beginning to feel a little rejected, I didn't think anyone was going to post.

Best,
recovery has made us all grow sideways.

[Chy]

I walked into my first meeting, ashamed, lonely, scared and oh so desperate. You see, life had reached the point of desparing unmanageabilty and I went on the suggestion of my husband, who was only back after a two year seperation, two day's and I continued to drink. He said, "Chy, just try one meeting, and I'll never suggest it again." Because, you see, I was a whiner, "poor me", "I'm so weak", "I'm not a bad person, I'm not hurting anyone".. you get the point.

ONE meeting it was, then I could say I had tried everything right? When I walked in and sat in the back in the corner, tears welled in my eyes, listening to these people I surely didn't want to be like I knew I belonged. It was the laughter that got my attention. I realized fast, I could live a happy life sober, if, I followed this program with the people just like me.

I took in every word from everyone sharing like a dry sponge waiting to be full of all the knowledge, experiance, strength and hope they shared. I knew I was home. I knew I was safe, I knew I could find peace, and I have. I've been truley blessed with my miracle which is a work in progress everyday. I've never had so much joy, love, and friendships.

I've accepted my label, and I can hold my head high, I can laugh, I can be honest, I can be real, as the tools laid before me have given me a life I can now bear. I use these tools in all that I do, as without them I know I'd surely be lost in this world. Today, I'm a grateful alcoholic, still believing I can do this and continue to grow just one day at a time.

[jes4asmile]

It took me a long time to realize that this program was about growth and changing the inside of me, and that using was just a symptom. When i was 1st introduced to NA/AA i was full of self hatred, fear, shame, guilt, and i was isolated from everyone. I almost hit the 1st man that came up and hugged me and told me he loved me (he is now my sponsor). Ive struggled and made my growth alot harder than it had to be, and ive fell out of the rooms a few times, but ive grown none the less.
Today i couldnt imagine a day going by without hearing my sponsor tell me that he loves me. I can actually sit and be still with myself, and enjoy it I can deal with the things that life throws at me instead of running from them. Most importantly i can say that i love myself today enough to never want to go back to the life i lived before.
I think this is a great topic. Much too often we dont see the growth that we have managed, even though others do, simply because we dont take the time to think about it

[namommy]

More growth,

In recovery, I have had 2 nervous break-downs. I was a mess. I spent the better part of 2 1/2 years in bed. Mentally, I was really screwed up. I couldn't go out of the house alone, and if I did go out with someone it took a lot of forcing. I was physically sick from the side effects of the meds the doctor put me on. I held on strong to one thing that I learned in recovery. If I don't use, there is always hope. I held on to that hope and stayed in touch with my sponsor and my old homegroup members and a few good friends with their encouragement and alot of help from my HP, I began taking the necessary steps to come out of this situation.

I now have my life back. I went back into the rooms full throttle, alot of meetings, step work, service work and sponsorship. that was the first thing I needed to do, that is where I felt most comfortable. Little by little, I began adding the necessary components of life. I say little by little, because I wanted to achieve some type of balance with each thing before adding the next. I am now working again, as well as participating with my family. I went to the doctor yesterday, and he told me I was now stable and only need to see him every 3 months. without the help of my recovering friends I could not have done this.