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Old 11-17-2012, 12:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Staying away from an alcoholic boyfriend

I am new to this forum and thought I would join to help with emotional support while getting over an alcoholic boyfriend. Sorry ahead of time that is is so long.

The background:

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half and things started out great. We ended up getting an apartment together and couldn't be happier. Then his social drinking exploded into him drinking at least 6-10 beers a night by himself at home until he would pass out on the couch. There has been numerous times when he would get up to go to the bathroom and only make it onto his hands and knees and start going in that position. He has also gone on the floor, in the oven, in the cabinet drawer, but I had to call it quits when I woke up one night and yelled at him to make sure he made it to the bathroom in the toilet and I didn't hear him in the bathroom yet, so I got up and he had walked past the bathroom and was going in his (not mine) 7 year old daughter's dresser drawer (located on her bed-one of the beds with the drawers underneath it) as she was sleeping. Thankfully he had been dumb enough to turn on the light so even though she had woken up, her eyes hadn't adjusted to be able to see or know what was going on. At this point my motherly instincts kicked in and all I could do (before even thinking about it) was smack him in the back.

In addition to this, when we had his daughter for a week, she had to come and wake me up 3 times within the week. One time was because she couldn't wake him up (on the couch), once because "Daddy fell asleep on the toilet", and once because "Daddy won't wake up and he left potatoes on the stove" (they were boiling in water on the stove). I have also come home before 8pm and he was passed out on the couch and had the oven preheating to 450 degrees with a frozen pizza sitting on the counter. That's the day I walked out the first time.

I now live at my dad's and he lives with his parents. We have been trying to work things out, but there's been too many times where he has ditched me to hang out with his friends and go drinking and he's now to the point where all he wants to do is sit at home and drink. He has no motivation to do anything. He is now claiming it is because he hates his job. He has used just about every excuse in the book when it comes to his drinking. He can't go into a gas station and leave without a case of beer...and he is proud of it.

The problem is, he is the best boyfriend in the world when he is sober. Unfortunately he's just not sober enough and I am now 7 1/2 months pregnant and more emotional than ever. I feel awful taking his son away from him, but I don't want my son raised around an alcoholic. And being so emotional makes it even harder to fully walk away. He knows exactly what to say to get me to stay, and I am sick of falling for it over and over and over again.

Last night when I got off of work, I asked him (via text messaging) if he was still working and he replied with, "Yea...I'm either going to go home or go get a beer." I then asked him, "Do I get to see you and spend time with you tonight?" (I haven't seen him in about a week due to a previous argument) and I didn't get anything in return. I finally said, "Mason (what we are naming our son) and I are not going to come second to beer. I hope you are happy with your decision." I have not heard from him since.

I really need to find the support to stick to my decision to finally call it done and stick to it. I am hoping that one day he will realize on his own how much his drinking has affected his life and the others around him. I have tried to help him numerous times with his drinking, but he refuses to accept it. He is now 26 with 3 dui's, 4 kids (all with different mothers) and no ambition to work on mending anything. The only child of his that he currently sees is his first and even her mother would like to have his custody taken away.
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Old 11-17-2012, 12:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I also wanted to add a couple of things to this post:

When he is drinking with his friends at the bar, he has a tendency to pick fights. Just this past August he added another disorderly conduct to his record. He has never been physically violent towards me, however mentally he has brought me down. When he has been drinking, he will yell and call me hurtful things when I refuse to sleep with him. When I say I am leaving him, he will tell me that I will never find anyone as good as him and he could have any girl he wanted. When I have plans with my family he will bluntly ignore me for days as punishment for "ditching" him when I had these plans way ahead of time and he and I never had plans.

Somehow, some way, everything turns into my fault when we argue. And then there are the threats of him commiting suicide if I leave him.
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Old 12-18-2012, 09:23 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Please, do whatever you have to do to get help. Have someone, preferably a man, come with you when you move out. Stay away from him, he will hurt you (emotionally if not inevitably physically) and you need to protect yourself.

Be safe...
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Old 12-21-2012, 08:36 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by toxickizzes69 View Post
Somehow, some way, everything turns into my fault when we argue. And then there are the threats of him commiting suicide if I leave him.
When I was drinking everything was everyone elses fault never mine. Everytime I relapsed I could find 100 reasons why and it was never my fault. The bottom line is when we are drinking we don't care about anything other than our booze and ourselves. And we are good at making others feel sorry for us.

Don't buy into it. My daughter finally had to realize that she couldn't do anything I could only help myself. She did give me a few good kicks in the ass I can tell you that!
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Old 12-22-2012, 01:29 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Hello when I first started reading your post I thought, My Life... Well I have ended the relationship as well and started going to al anon meetings. Yes support is what helps, because when I come on here and read and read these stories I KNOW I DESERVE BETTER!!!! And like you said you don't want to bring your child into all that MESS. Keep reading and go to meetings. Peace and Happiness to ya
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Old 12-29-2012, 06:42 AM   #6 (permalink)
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My goodness, IMO this guy is a must miss. 26, 3 DUI's, 4 children with different mothers,
he has nothing to offer you or anyone else. Addicts make lousy parents and relationship partners, without recovery, they have nothing positive to offer anyone.

Get yourself some help in the form of therapy, stay away from him, go no contact. Your child must be your priorty, not some abusive drunk.

Take some time to read the stickeys at the top of the Family & Friends Forums, read Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie, knowledge is power, you should learn all you can about addiction, you are going to have a child to raise, and the child deserves one responsible parent, it must be you.
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Old 01-06-2013, 05:16 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by toxickizzes69 View Post
He is now 26 with 3 dui's, 4 kids (all with different mothers) and no ambition...
Quote:
Originally Posted by toxickizzes69 View Post
... I will never find anyone as good as him and he could have any girl he wanted.

LMFAO. Yeah, sounds like a real catch. You sure will be hard pressed to find another like him.

FYI there's plenty of men out there that do not behave like this. You may begin asking yourself why it is out of 3 billion men in the world you would chose to associate with one like this?
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Old 01-07-2013, 12:32 PM   #8 (permalink)
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LMFAO. Yeah, sounds like a real catch. You sure will be hard pressed to find another like him.

FYI there's plenty of men out there that do not behave like this. You may begin asking yourself why it is out of 3 billion men in the world you would chose to associate with one like this?
Hmmm... Bit harsh i think...

I hope everything worked out for you.

Its tough for our spouses, but I think he left you with little options.

Good luck...
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Old 01-07-2013, 02:40 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by toxickizzes69 View Post
I also wanted to add a couple of things to this post:

When he is drinking with his friends at the bar, he has a tendency to pick fights. Just this past August he added another disorderly conduct to his record. He has never been physically violent towards me, however mentally he has brought me down. When he has been drinking, he will yell and call me hurtful things when I refuse to sleep with him. When I say I am leaving him, he will tell me that I will never find anyone as good as him and he could have any girl he wanted. When I have plans with my family he will bluntly ignore me for days as punishment for "ditching" him when I had these plans way ahead of time and he and I never had plans.

Somehow, some way, everything turns into my fault when we argue. And then there are the threats of him commiting suicide if I leave him.
Hi ToxicK, This is only my opinion:

Your story is heartbreaking! he is addicted and in love with alcohol and your are addicted and in love with him.

I think the choice has to be yours to walk away, for the sake of you baby if not for you. This is an abusive relationship and he will take you down to his level before he will let you go. He wants to destroy your self worth so you will think he is the only man that will put up with you--or love (his definition) you,
.

Girlfriend RUN_RUN_RUN_ as fast as you can away from this situation. Apparently he is a serial abuser having 3 children by three different wives.
Your just his 4th, when you leave him he will find a 5th.

Sorry to be this direct but you are the only one that can be responsible for saving your self-esteem and more importantly your childs life. He is toxic and you need to get him out of your system just like he needs to get alcohol out of his.

Please for your sake talk to a counselor, go to Al Anon meetings, find support from your family. Just do NOT go back to Him.

We are here to listen and many have been where you are now. We listen we don't judge, K?

Hope you take the safe way out!
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